New Monologue by Ed Friedman
Sunday, November 29, 2009
GLORIA:
You see that? That guy with the old lady? That's his mother. They're in here three times a week. Sometimes he just comes in by himself to get her some cheesecake. Ya know what it would take to get one of my brothers to do something for my mother? She'd have to be held hostage by terrorists. I'm not kidding. Nine brothers, none of them do squat. She has to go to the doctor, I take her. She needs shopping, I do it. She wants to visit somebody, go to a wedding, go to a funeral, its me, me and me. I don't mind, but come on. If I had a couple of sisters ok, but it's just me. Plus, 'cause I'm divorced and got no kids, the sky's the limit. If that asshole I married woulda kept it in his pants, I woulda already been livin' upstate twenty years. Instead I'm still livin' in my mother's building. I swear if it wasn't rent controlled I'd be outta there...
This is what I mean: her friend's granddaughter was getting married in Brooklyn. My mother just wanted to go to the church. I was planning to get my hair done that day. I hadn't done it in about two months so I say to her, "Ma, I'm kinda busy, do you think one of the boys can take you?" "Who?" she says. "Who? How about Anthony, Emilio, Vincent..." I start goin' down the list. She goes, "They're busy with their families." I don't even get into that, that's a crock of shit, so I say, "What about John?" "He's got a girlfriend." "What about Danny?" "Oh Danny works so hard." So I say, "Are you kiddin' me Ma? I'm on my feet sixty hours a week." Know what she says? "Forget it, I'll stay home." ...What'd I do? Look at my hair, whadda think I did?
New Monologue by Diane Grant
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Monologue Database is proud to announce a new monologue from The Piaggi Suite by Diane Grant.
DARLENE
Ziggy Martin. Is it you? Is it really? I saw you with Dave Matthews. In Syracuse. It was the most beautiful night of my entire life. Did you really sit in with Sting? I was at the Black Hole when you were there. I'm mad about the Hole. It's the best club ever. I had this song I wrote for you but they wouldn't let me go backstage. In November, two years ago. I was sitting right in front, surrounded by an entourage of coffee cups. I'd had eight cups of coffee and I was high. I don't drink alcohol anymore. I had this boyfriend, Gary, he's twenty one, and he does catering and we used to finish off the booze at the end of parties. One night, we finished off four or five Daiquiris and then we found a bottle with some gin in it. There were some Zimas but we didn't touch them. Gary said we should avoid the Zimas. I was so sick, I kept throwing up and the next morning, all I could eat was a pint of Ben and Jerry's. He's not my boyfriend, anymore. He went out with my friend Gloria and then he dumped her, too...
New Monologues by Elana Gartner
Friday, November 6, 2009
The Monologue Database is proud to announce two new monologues from Because of Beth by Elana Gartner. Penny and Cara are two sisters whose mother has just died. Each visits her grave and ends up complaining about the other.
PENNY
Well, Mom, it looks like we have a few things to talk about! I don't know how things are in that nice coffin of yours, but out here, they kind of suck a lot! How could you give Cara custody of me? Don't you think you could have talked to me about it? I mean, it's about me, don't you think you could have asked what I wanted? All anyone ever says is that I have to be older. Well, when do I get old enough for you to discuss these kinds of things with me? Is there some age limit like drinking and voting? Suddenly you can talk to me about what would happen to me if you died? I am always the last one to know about what happens to me! It's not fair! You make decisions! Cara makes decisions! Stanley makes decisions! And Stanley wants custody! Yeah, he wants custody! He's not my father. He just wants custody because I'm your daughter.
CARA
I can't believe how much this sucks! You're not supposed to be gone yet, Mom! This whole fucking mess sucks! Penny? She's so fucking whiny! It's like she has no other way to relate to me except to sob on me. And who do I have? No one! My friends aren't here. None of those people today cared about you, Mom. I did. I cared about you. It's worse than when Dad left because at least then I had you. Now I don't have anyone. Oh, and what's with him showing up at the funeral? I mean, what the fuck is that, Mom? Since when does Dad even have a clue what the hell is going on in our lives? Do you think maybe you could tell me that? It's sick, you know. It's like I only get to have one parent surfacing at a time. Well, luckily, he's gone again. What a bastard! This is so fucking unreal. You have to come home! You have to!
