Never Better

IN YOUR FACE, RICH BELLIN.

2008-09-04T22:22:00.001-05:00

Exercise Is Found Not to Affect Depression:

"...Even though people who exercise are less likely to be depressed or anxious, it is probably not because they exercise... They found that the association of exercise with reduced anxious and depressive symptoms could be explained genetically: people disinclined to exercise also tend to be depressed. One does not cause the other."

I lost my phone.

2008-09-01T21:53:00.001-05:00

Spank my ass and call me Chelsea Holland, because I lost my phone at Coney Island.

Today sucked. Coney Island is completely overrated.

So that was August...

2008-08-31T03:27:00.002-05:00

Somehow I neglected to post all month long... Nothing much happened. I got sick, Amanda insisted I had mono (which she has been saying since we lived in Liberty), I went to a doctor who dismissed this theory out of hand and gave me antibiotics, the antibiotics killed whatever bacteria was living in my throat, but I still don't feel great. I missed a bunch of work and slept about 16 hours a day for a week and a half. I started working again on Friday, even though my head is in a fog all day and my head is so congested I can barely hear. I have to work tomorrow at nine. It is now 4:30am. Something is horribly wrong with this picture. Tomorrow is going to be completely unbearable, whether I sleep for less-than-three hours or just stay up and caffeinate myself.

Amanda is at a new job corralling two-year-olds at a daycare center. A child named Jacob bit her and left teeth marks. Now she has a bruise. My mother suggested that I apply to work at this daycare center. I am reluctant.

Yeesh.

2008-08-02T19:08:00.002-05:00

I sang karaoke last night, and I was not good. The words "train wreck" come to mind. Then today, I thought I had to be at work at noon, I got all the way there and was about to punch in when I found out I wasn't on until 2:15. So the last 24 hours have been pretty chock full o' humiliation. I'm really dreading going to work tomorrow - 9am to 5pm, it's going to suck. That's a given.

Beacon is Bleeding!

2008-08-01T20:06:00.003-05:00

Is it possible that the entire female population of Beacon is currently menstruating? Because practically every single customer who came in tonight bought feminine hygiene products, and they were not on sale. This is 30% a serious question.

Overheard today at work: "I should get a bar code tattooed on my ass."

2008-07-25T21:15:00.004-05:00

I had a really long shift today. Someone didn't show up, and called halfway through her shift, and she ended up quitting. For some reason, everyone who hates being on the floor hates it and wants to be cashiering. I'm always assigned to cashier and I'd rather be on the floor. (Maybe because I'm one of very few cashiers who don't mumble or outwardly scorn the customers.) Still, everything was basically fine until an hour before closing, when all hell suddenly broke loose for no apparent reason. It was a non-stop stress attack from 7:00-8:15pm. It was an "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong" kind of closing. But now I'm home, and next week, all my shifts are 4-5 hours long. Hurray for short shifts!

Where My Life Turned to Lies

2008-07-23T23:10:00.004-05:00

I had a really good day at the fair. It was expensive, and Rich's nausea interfered slightly with my master plan (non-stop rides!) but I did get to go on a tilt-a-whirl and the "starship 2000" and the zipper and those crazy swings and other very good mechanical adrenaline rushes. Then I missed work the next day because I was ill. I called in - twice, actually - but I'm still weirdly paranoid that I'm going to be fired. I'm not sure what I'll do if that happens. It's a cashiering job... so I don't think I can get really upset over it.

This is a quick list of things that I want that, for one reason or another, I can't have: A new spindle of DVD-Rs so I can burn shows for people, hummus and pita, Giordano's deep dish Chicago style pepperoni pizza, Buffalo Wild Wings, Fiesta Ranchero cheese dip and a chicken quesadilla with rice, and four new tank tops in various colors. If you have any idea how I can obtain these items with no money and without a trip to Illinois, please let me know.

Listening to: Dar Williams - Calling The Moon

Oh, goodness! Look at my wrist, I gotta go!

2008-07-19T20:37:00.002-05:00

If you haven't watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog today is supposedly your last chance. You only have a few hours before the blogs are taken down. (You'll probably be able to find them on youtube, but who knows?)

Last night I started drawing Rich as a Super Hero named Ultra Man. Then I made one of Amanda (Nurse Mandy). She taped them to their bedroom door and told me I should make ones for Nick and I, too. Nick's hero is The Quake, and mine is Fade. My main powers are invisibility and something Amanda named "outwitment."

It was ridiculously hot today. We played Risk, and Rich beat all of our asses once again. Tomorrow I have to work and then we may go over to Lindsay's because the boys want to swim. Monday we're planning to go to the county fair. I think once I ride a Tilt-a-Whirl I'll feel a lot better about life.

The Cat is Not Dead!

2008-07-16T08:56:00.003-05:00

This morning I woke up and saw Tallulah hanging, dead, from my door. I started freaking out something fierce, and then I realized upon closer inspection, this was not the case. My cat was in fact sleeping in my desk chair. I immediately woke her up just to make sure she was okay. I looked back at my door and only clothes and towels and my robe were hanging there. I was very relieved, but way too wound up to get back to sleep. I told Tallulah over and over again how glad I was that she was okay, but she, being a cat, said very little.

I am listening to hear where you are.

2008-07-15T21:50:00.003-05:00

Today I went with Rich and Amanda to Poughkeepsie. We ran errands and hung out for a bit in Barnes & Noble. I looked at an instructional book and then I ended up buying a self-help book. That's right, I bought a self-help book. I am now one of those people.

Nick was in a good mood today, so we went to Subway and then walked to Joe's house. Joe, unsurprisingly, was not home. I can't believe we've lived here for a month - actually, six weeks - and none of us has seen him. He lives way closer than Lindsay and she's been over twice. Oh, well, maybe someday Joe will decide we're cool enough to hang out with. In the meantime, we have each other.

I'm glad that everything is going so well for Nick right now, but, selfishly, I wish things were going just a little better for me. And I wish they were going better for Amanda and Rich as well. First Rich and Amanda had jobs and Nick and I didn't, now Nick and I have jobs and Amanda and Rich don't. (Mine barely counts since a monkey could do it, but still.) I would like it if all four of us could be employed simultaneously, but so far, that hasn't been the case.

Listening to: Nuetral Milk Hotel - Two-Headed Boy

Amazon.com Widgets

Discrepencies

2008-07-09T22:33:00.002-05:00

I was allowed to start work on Tuesday. I spent all day doing computer-based training activities that reviewed all the propaganda they had given me ten days earlier. Today I went in and watched training videos for six hours. All of them were designed for the criminally incompetent or for pharmacists. None of them applied to me.

The training videos and materials would have me believe that my new place of employment is super-corporate. But the reality is that the store is like a miniature, ghetto version of a successful pharmacy franchise. In theory, the store has policies, but whenever I'm in the store, they are never actually observed.

In other (unrelated?) news, I've been feeling absolutely terrible lately.

Damn pharmacy with their damn policies.

2008-07-07T13:33:00.002-05:00

My first day of work was supposed to be today, but after standing around for half an hour, it was postponed indefinitely. I'm waiting for a call from a manager, but the verdict this morning was that I can't start work until I have a social security card in my hand. This might have been a little easier to deal with had I been told about it when I was hired (10 days ago) or when I was given my schedule (one week ago), but no one bothered to call me in the interim. My outlook about this job is growing increasingly bleak. I left the pharmacy ready to drink bleach, but instead I just chain-smoked cloves on the front porch and made some phone calls. I'm still feeling pretty broken. I may take some extra diazepam tonight.

Strategery

2008-07-04T09:39:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to make the most of my last few days of freedom before I start work. Mostly that means running errands, smoking cloves and writing poems, and slacking off. I've been watching movies and playing games and hanging out with the roommates. It took us three days to play our first game of Risk. Rich wiped out Amanda and Nick. I managed to hang onto one country in Europe, and that was it. Maybe next time we play, I'll be better.

Listening to: Bad Religion - Let Them Eat War

I work in a pharmacy.

2008-06-26T12:53:00.004-05:00

Today I went back to fill out the paperwork for my new job. I guess I passed that drug test, after all! I would be lying if I said I were excited about being a cashier again, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills. If my rent were $100 cheaper, I wouldn't need this job, but it's not, and I do. I might as well make the best of it.

Those Damn Gibberish Questions...

2008-06-22T00:29:00.004-05:00

Lindsay came over tonight and we all played Apples to Apples and drank some wine and Mike's hard lemonade. Then I got everyone to play You Don't Know Jack. It was difficult, because everyone in the group, (excluding Amanda, including myself), likes to talk non-stop and so we missed lots of Cookie's instructions and jokes. Then I showed Nick and Lindsay funny exam answers and overheard at the office and then we went through the quotes page archives and got nostalgic. All in all, a good night. Five minutes ago, I was not tired, but now... I am a little sleepy. It is probably the cat's fault.

Listening to: Better Than Ezra - Porcelain

Every time you feel like crying, I'm going to try to make you laugh

2008-06-19T21:07:00.002-05:00

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
-- Kurt Vonnegut

I have a job interview for tomorrow. It's retail, part-time, very nearby. Hopefully it will go well and provide me some steady income.

Listening to: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges

Flatland Excursion

2008-06-15T12:02:00.003-05:00

The trip to Illinois was not so bad. My mom and I listened to a book on tape version of Pride and Prejudice that I got from the Beacon library. Saturday night was awesome because I got to party with Michelle, Dan, Seth, Steve, Bret and Kathy. We played Euchre. We as a group beat Super Mario Brothers III. I got drunk. It was fantastic. I spent as much time as I could with Dan and Michelle on the trip. I also saw my selfish, egotistical, ungrateful brother, and he pushed my buttons until I wanted to tear my hair out. (It took about 20 minutes.)

The trip home was all right. I drove through almost all of Indiana and a good chunk of Ohio. I hung out all week in Binghamton at mom's house and then she drove me back to Beacon on Saturday. It was like, "Hey, mom, remember how we just drove a thousand miles? Want to drive 200 more? Please please?" But she brought me important things that I couldn't have taken with me on the bus. Like my TV.

After we unloaded my stuff, we went mattress-shopping. I got a really nice full-size bed and it was delivered this morning. You know what you shouldn't shop for when you're tired? Mattresses. They keep having you lie down to test them out, and all you want to do is go to sleep because you're so comfortable - but you can't. It's torture. But now I have a mattress. It's sweet.

Listening to: Bif Naked - Lucky Ones

Regarding Employment

2008-06-03T20:04:00.002-05:00

OK... now I'm really freaking out...

I think I'm going to read "Overqualified" for a few hours.

Listening to: Harry Chapin - Danceband on the Titanic

The New Place

2008-06-03T12:11:00.001-05:00

The house is nice. We live in half a vertical-split duplex. On the first floor, there's a big living room, a large dining room, and a big-ass kitchen. The second floor has three bedrooms. Most of the house has pretty good-looking hardwood floors. My room has some dingy old tile, but it has two windows and its own ceiling fan. I'm pretty happy with it. I'll be happier when I have a job.

One good thing is that there are a couple of unsecured wifi connections nearby. They're pretty unreliable, but still better than no Internet at all.

Listening to: Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

True Life: I don't have a car.

2008-05-30T13:09:00.002-05:00

I hate when things that should be quick and easy turn out to be difficult and time-consuming.

I'm moving to Beacon on Sunday. Then, next Friday, I'm going with my mom to Illinois. So I have been charged with the relatively simple task of getting from Beacon to Binghamton before noon on Friday. A series of unfortunate and, frankly, inexplicable events prevents me from being able to do this in under five hours.

1.) Short Line Coach is on strike.

2.) There is no Amtrak station in Binghamton.

3.) There are no Greyhound bus stations in Beacon or Newburgh.

4.) There is a Greyhound bus station in Poughkeepsie. For some reason, the bus ride from Poughkeepsie to Binghamton (a three-hour drive, tops) takes nineteen hours. I am not making this up, I am not that creative.

5.) The only plausible route I have discovered - so far - is to take the Metro from Beacon to Grand Central Station (90 minutes), walk a mile to Port Authority, then take a Greyhound bus (3 hours) to Binghamton.

There has to be a better way.

Thank you for reading my rant. As a present for being so nice, here is a song you can download:

Listening: Suzanne Vega - Marlene on the Wall

Hip Spinsters! Huzzah!

2008-05-28T12:20:00.001-05:00

After yesterday's Jane Austen post, this is what I've been thinking about:

Any man who is threatened by your intelligence, your success, or your wit is a waste of your time. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than have a relationship with someone who felt threatened by how brilliant, talented, and funny I am.

Any tradition that values women based on their partners instead of their individual identity isn't worth preserving. Let's continue to demolish this tradition. Unmarried women are not objects of mockery. They're role models to women who refuse to sell out their dreams.

Listening to: Dar Williams - I Won't Be Your Yoko Ono

Jane Austen Rocks.

2008-05-27T21:42:00.001-05:00

I just watched Becoming Jane with my mom. It's not bad. It's not great, either. But there's an interesting moment when Jane talks with a contemporary "authoress." Mrs. Radcliffe remarks that it's horribly embarrassing for her husband to be married to a woman with a literary reputation. Jane says (I'm paraphrasing), "But surely it must be possible to be a writer and a wife?" Mrs. Radcliffe says, "Oh, yes, it's possible. But it's never easy."

Florence King wrote, "The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners."

Even today, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making a killing at the box office, there are always people lining up to write articles about how women supposedly aren't funny. (They're morons, but they're out there.)

Anyway, Becoming Jane did make me want to read Pride and Prejudice again, and find out more about Jane Austen's life. I happened to find this poem:

You could not shock her more than she shocks me;
Beside her Joyce seems innocent as grass.
It makes me most uncomfortable to see
An English spinster of the middle class
Describe the amorous effects of "brass,"
Reveal so frankly and with such sobriety
The economic basis of society.
-- W. H. Auden, Letter to Lord Byron (1936)

Listening to: Cyndi Lauper - Give It Up

Making money from this old blog?

2008-05-27T15:09:00.004-05:00

Quick announcement: I just wanted to let you know that I've joined PayPerPost. It's a blog marketing service - basically, advertisers pay people to blog about their products. All paid posts are accompanied by a disclaimer. (For example, the one at the bottom of this post.)

This all started because my mother found an article in the Press & Sun Bulletin about getting paid to blog. They recommended three sites, and I thought I'd sign up and see if they were legitimate. It was very easy to sign up for PayPerPost, and my blog was approved quickly - within 24 hours. It seems like there are a good variety of opportunities - you can review websites and products that interest you - and get paid a fair amount of money to introduce your readers to those sites and products.

I'll keep you posted about how it goes. If you're interested in signing up to make money by blogging, let me know what you think in the comments. If you've used a blog marketing service in the past, please post about your experience in the comments. Did you find a good amount and variety of open opportunities? Did you get paid promptly? Those are things that are important to me right now. I'm going to need all the cash I can get when I move into my new, expensive apartment in Beacon.

Listening to: The Promise Ring - Tell Everyone We're Dead

Not to New York City. Not to Chicago.

2008-05-27T10:31:00.002-05:00

It's all happening. I'm moving to Beacon. I'm kinda freaking out. There's a lot to do. I'm going to try to take it all one step at a time and drink plenty of fluids.

Here are some things that should exist, but, as far as I know, don't yet:
* A blog where people submit cryptic e-mails from their bosses.
* A page where people can play musical scavenger hunt competitively.
* A dating site exclusively for feminists (or "egalitarians" if you must).
* Glow-in-the-dark playing cards and board games. So you can play your favorite games during power outages.
* The "Friends-Only" Friday Five.
* Brown Line Bingo.

Listening to: Rachael Sage - Mexico

that cloud that's blacking out the sun

2008-05-26T20:48:00.003-05:00

Listening to: Mike Doughty - Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well

I couldn't sleep last night, so I applied for jobs in Beacon and Poughkeepsie for a few hours and then watched a bad movie while brainstorming possible new sources of income - such as selling my plasma.

I slept late and then I behaved weirdly chipper all day. I let my mother buy me some sandals. I played badminton in the back yard. And then I crashed. I'm feeling absolutely awful right now. I should probably take some Diazepam. It's like Toby always says, "Don't be a hero. Manage the pain."