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True Life: I don't have a car.
Friday, May 30, 2008 @ 1:09 PM
I hate when things that should be quick and easy turn out to be difficult and time-consuming.
I'm moving to Beacon on Sunday. Then, next Friday, I'm going with my mom to Illinois. So I have been charged with the relatively simple task of getting from Beacon to Binghamton before noon on Friday. A series of unfortunate and, frankly, inexplicable events prevents me from being able to do this in under five hours.
1.) Short Line Coach is on strike.
2.) There is no Amtrak station in Binghamton.
3.) There are no Greyhound bus stations in Beacon or Newburgh.
4.) There is a Greyhound bus station in Poughkeepsie. For some reason, the bus ride from Poughkeepsie to Binghamton (a three-hour drive, tops) takes nineteen hours. I am not making this up, I am not that creative.
5.) The only plausible route I have discovered - so far - is to take the Metro from Beacon to Grand Central Station (90 minutes), walk a mile to Port Authority, then take a Greyhound bus (3 hours) to Binghamton.
There has to be a better way.
Thank you for reading my rant. As a present for being so nice, here is a song you can download:
Listening: Suzanne Vega - Marlene on the Wall
Hip Spinsters! Huzzah!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008 @ 12:20 PM
After yesterday's Jane Austen post, this is what I've been thinking about:
Any man who is threatened by your intelligence, your success, or your wit is a waste of your time. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than have a relationship with someone who felt threatened by how brilliant, talented, and funny I am.
Any tradition that values women based on their partners instead of their individual identity isn't worth preserving. Let's continue to demolish this tradition. Unmarried women are not objects of mockery. They're role models to women who refuse to sell out their dreams.
Listening to: Dar Williams - I Won't Be Your Yoko Ono
Jane Austen Rocks.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 @ 9:42 PM
I just watched Becoming Jane with my mom. It's not bad. It's not great, either. But there's an interesting moment when Jane talks with a contemporary "authoress." Mrs. Radcliffe remarks that it's horribly embarrassing for her husband to be married to a woman with a literary reputation. Jane says (I'm paraphrasing), "But surely it must be possible to be a writer and a wife?" Mrs. Radcliffe says, "Oh, yes, it's possible. But it's never easy."
Florence King wrote, "The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners."
Even today, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making a killing at the box office, there are always people lining up to write articles about how women supposedly aren't funny. (They're morons, but they're out there.)
Anyway, Becoming Jane did make me want to read Pride and Prejudice again, and find out more about Jane Austen's life. I happened to find this poem:
You could not shock her more than she shocks me;
Beside her Joyce seems innocent as grass.
It makes me most uncomfortable to see
An English spinster of the middle class
Describe the amorous effects of "brass,"
Reveal so frankly and with such sobriety
The economic basis of society.
-- W. H. Auden, Letter to Lord Byron (1936)
Listening to: Cyndi Lauper - Give It Up
Not to New York City. Not to Chicago.
It's all happening. I'm moving to Beacon. I'm kinda freaking out. There's a lot to do. I'm going to try to take it all one step at a time and drink plenty of fluids.
Here are some things that should exist, but, as far as I know, don't yet:
* A blog where people submit cryptic e-mails from their bosses.
* A page where people can play musical scavenger hunt competitively.
* A dating site exclusively for feminists (or "egalitarians" if you must).
* Glow-in-the-dark playing cards and board games. So you can play your favorite games during power outages.
* The "Friends-Only" Friday Five.
* Brown Line Bingo.
Listening to: Rachael Sage - Mexico
that cloud that's blacking out the sun
Monday, May 26, 2008 @ 8:48 PM
Listening to: Mike Doughty - Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well
I couldn't sleep last night, so I applied for jobs in Beacon and Poughkeepsie for a few hours and then watched a bad movie while brainstorming possible new sources of income - such as selling my plasma.
I slept late and then I behaved weirdly chipper all day. I let my mother buy me some sandals. I played badminton in the back yard. And then I crashed. I'm feeling absolutely awful right now. I should probably take some Diazepam. It's like Toby always says, "Don't be a hero. Manage the pain."
Save some face, you know you've only got one.
Saturday, May 24, 2008 @ 10:34 AM
Listening to: The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It.
Yesterday I went for an interview and testing at the local newspaper. The good news is, I scored 103 on the one-minute typing test with 0 errors, and 98% on the 50-word spelling test (I misspelled rhythm). The bad news is, they won't have a decision for me until after June 1, and by then it will be too late.
What's going to happen will happen by June 1. Either I will bail on my Uma Thurman and be miserably guilty, or I will live with my Uma Thurman, and be miserable and poor. I want something to make this decision for me. My mother is perfectly willing. She is 100% against me moving to Beacon. She thinks it will negatively affect my mental health. I'm starting to think she's right. I just don't think it's possible to find an apartment that will make all four parties happy. I think if we all move in together, every person will feel like they are the one who got screwed. We'll be four resentful people trapped in a bad situation together, hating one another.
Meanwhile, back in Illinois, my brother finally got his car working, only to have his driver's license suspended. You know what this means. Crying and chain-smoking.
Good to know I'm not (totally) alone.
Sunday, May 18, 2008 @ 8:36 AM
"Most of my experience as a corporate wage slave involved answering telephones to one degree or another. This is what the business sector does with young women with pleasant-sounding voices (regardless of work experience or education): stick them behind a desk and give them a telephone to answer. Much of my misanthropy comes from interfacing with the public in this manner. One can only understand how truly unredeemable the human race really is by answering telephones at some corporate hellhole."
-- Heather
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Saturday, May 17, 2008 @ 10:02 AM
Anna: "Mommy, who is going to be the next President?"
Sheila: "We don't know yet, honey. It looks like it will either be Barack Obama or John McCain."
Anna: "Oh, mommy! It can't be McCain! That would be like four more years of Bush!"
Anna is ten, and she gets it. Why doesn't everyone?
Binghamton Car Dealership = Kentucky???
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 @ 12:49 PM
Today while I was sitting in the break room for my lunch hour, three of the car dealership employees came in and watched the news while I worked my sudoku puzzle. One of them pointed to Obama on the screen and said, "I wouldn't vote for him if he were the only person running."
I said, "Why's that?"
He said, "Because of his minister."
Then the other two employees said, basically, that they questioned his patriotism. One claimed that he had refused to salute the flag. The other said, "A commander in chief who won't salute the flag? What is the world coming to?"
Ladies and gentlemen... I am temping in The Twilight Zone.
From the file marked, "Things that should exist but don't yet, as far as I know"
Friday, May 09, 2008 @ 5:24 PM
I discovered passiveaggressivenotes.com, and many similar sites, and then I had an idea. The idea was inspired by Anna, who is in fifth grade and graduating soon from the DARE program.
I don't know about you, but I continued to wear my DARE shirt through high school. So did a lot of the kids who took advantage of U-High's open campus policy to visit a picnic table across the street and smoke. Over the years, I've pondered the irony of kids wearing DARE shirts while smoking, drinking, and otherwise experimenting with substances. I don't think I've actually done so, but I've definitely thought about taking pictures of this situation, for the irony. (That and smoking pot in front of one of those "DRUG FREE ZONE" signs.)
Someone needs to start a photo blog made up entirely of pictures of people wearing DARE t-shirts (or DARE t-shirt parodies, of which there are many) and partaking in non-DARE-sanctioned activities. Obviously, there's the issue of illegality - you wouldn't want to publish people's faces or identifying characteristics. Unless of course you're 21, wearing a DARE shirt, and drinking wine from a paper bag. Then you should show your face.
So... somebody get on that.
You Have to (pretend to) Believe.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008 @ 8:08 PM
The temp agency called me this morning, and now I have a job for tomorrow and Friday, and possibly for the next two weeks. I should be glad to have the money, but mostly I'm dreading having to smile and make nice with strangers. I hate pretending to be pleasant, especially when all I really want to do is hide under my bed. Dr. K. upped my dosage, maybe it will help. Or, maybe fake-smiling will be good for me. I've heard that if you force yourself to pretend to smile long enough, odds are good that you will eventually end up happy. (I paraphrased that from the end of Sophistry.)
I want to submit Dogface to the Firehouse Theatre Project, but I need someone to write me a letter of recommendation about what an awesome playwright I am. I asked Tim to do it, but he hasn't responded. I'll beg people if I have to, but I'd rather have a volunteer... The guidelines say, "Scripts must be accompanied by a letter of recommendation from a theater company or individual familiar with your work. Letters of recommendation do not need to be specific to the play submitted; they may be general recommendations of the playwright's work." Anyone want to throw me a bone?
Desperately Seeking Minions
Monday, May 05, 2008 @ 3:39 PM
What I really, really want... is to talk to someone who already agrees with me. I'm so tired of feeling alone in my beliefs. I don't want people to argue with me. I want someone to say, "You're right! Patriarchy fucking sucks! What should we do about it?" I want to preach to the choir, because that's how you make them sing. I want to persuade other people - but I want to have fun and make friends while I'm doing it. I don't want to bicker over semantics. I want to lead. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I love Jessica Valenti. Does anyone else love Jessica Valenti? Does anyone want to have a "49 Double Standards" book club? Because I'm there. I am so there.
Quack Quack Quack!
Friday, May 02, 2008 @ 7:21 PM
I saw a local production of Beyond Therapy that was pretty funny last night. It made me miss my THEA207 class at Bing - that's where I first encountered the play. Ary, from my acting class, was a lot funnier than the guy who played Stuart last night.
I'm going into the city tomorrow for Chelsea's two-day birthday extravaganza. The problem is, I don't have a book to read on the bus. Those of you who have your own cars probably don't realize what a problem this is. You need just the right kind of book to read on a bus. It needs to have a plot that's interesting, but not too complicated. It needs to be relatively easy to read. And since I'm on my way to a party, it needs to be something that won't depress the hell out of me. That cuts my available choices to about three books, and I've already read them this month. I might break down and go buy some books before I go to the bus station. And a copy of The Sun if they have it.
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