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Autobiography of a Pre-Teen Drama Queen
Sunday, January 30, 2005 @ 8:05 PM
My mom found my fourth-grade autobiography and my 7th-grade health class project and showed them to me tonight. My God, I was a strange person back then. I took myself REALLY seriously. And I was PRETENTIOUS! And apparently, one of my life goals was to be a "fashion clothes designer." What the fuck??? At least I didn't make any spelling mistakes (except for spelling it "kidnergarden").
What was particularly amusing was the health class project, because we had to predict future life events. I married myself off to a fictional guy named "Josh Taylor" and spawned a daughter I named Christina. My daughter married Kat's son, and they had a grandson named Ricky (we planned it that way, 'cause we were dorks.)
Here's the mean part: I had my brother get into a car accident and end up in a coma, then miraculously make a full recovery, and then get ARRESTED and sent to jail for several felonies! On the back page, I drew a family tree. Next to my mom's name, I drew a lightbulb. Next to my name, I drew books. And next to my brother's name, I drew HANDCUFFS and MONEY!
The best part is: I got an A on my autobiography, and a 110/100 on my health project (I got ten extra credit points for using pictures, which are also pretty amusing).
I took these artifacts home with me, so if you feel like perusing my former self, just ask me. I'll be glad to share.
For Future Reference
Sunday, January 23, 2005 @ 8:07 PM
We discovered the fifth stage of Erin drunkeness.
Stage 1 - Tipsy Erin, who giggles a lot and talks excitedly.
Stage 2 - "The Drunk-ups" - Erin's specialty drunken hiccups.
Stage 3 - Affectionate Erin, who hugs and kisses everyone.
Stage 4 - Insecure Erin, who asks, "Do you hate me???"
Stage 5 - Crying Erin, who says, "I'm sorry! I've never been this drunk before!"
Welcome to the Family
Monday, January 17, 2005 @ 8:09 PM
I acquired a new pet, a hand-me-down hamster named Keiser Sose (after the criminal mastermind in The Usual Suspects). He is an antsy fellow, always looking for a way to escape his plastic prison and fulfill his plans for world domination. He's independent, and I respect that. I think we understand each other.
2004: A Year in Review
Saturday, January 01, 2005 @ 8:09 PM
JANUARY
Today I woke up before noon and went to see Lost in Yonkers at University High School. I missed the show when they performed it in the fall, because of being in New York, and I found out they were performing it today for TheatreFest. After the show, Lauren and Alyssa were ecstatic that it was finally over, and moved immediately into bitching about Tea Bag. I had some serious warm fuzzies. Ah, those were the days. The Gossipy Days of Hate. -1/10/04
Last night I got a surprise visit from Dan, Donnelle, and Jeff. They had rented porn and were hoping to watch it at my house, but my mom and brother were around, so we just watched "Daria" and half an episode of "Full House." Jeff went insane in the living room, but I basically ignored the whole thing. -1/13/04
I decided I still love trains. Josh and I went to Leona's for dinner and then to see Blue Man Group (trippy fun). His apartment is nicer than I expected. He said he gets that reaction a lot. He wanted to go to a bar, but I'm all kinds of underage. =( Instead EVA came over and we teamed up to mock Josh. Then the three of us watched silly flash animations. -1/16/04
In our new room, Carolyn and I quickly discovered four books that did not belong to either of us. We looked inside to attempt to identify their owners. And we did. The books are property of the Hoboken Public Library in New Jersey. -1/18/04
Carolyn has decided to blow off the Lend Me a Tenor auditions tonight. When Chelsea gets done, we're planning to play board games! In honor of Martin Luther King. Because he was one of the world's best Clue players. -1/19/04
Then we hid in our room from the Floor Meeting. The R.A.'s came by and knocked on our door, but we were silent. We felt like Anne Frank hiding during the Holocaust. We successfully avoided the Nazi Floor Meeting, despite all of Amanda's twitching and whispered-scream tics, and played LOTR RISK! I was on the side of evil, and doing VERY well. I occupied almost twenty territories. It would have come down to a battle between Joe and I. Joe thinks he would have won. Joe is wrong. -1/20/04
This group doesn't seem to deal well with board games. -1/22/04
Everyone has a Dickinson Dining Hall song, a song that you hear EVERY SINGLE TIME you go into the dining hall. Mine is: "Stacy's Mom." I'm headed to breakfast right now. With Stacy's Mom. She's got it going on, you know. -1/24/04
Last night at Cheers, two Latin guys danced with me. A guy named John pulled me into his lap in the smoking room. Then I got home, and it got really bizarre. I called Josh to explain why I don't kill people. Carolyn and Joe stole the phone from me and said bizarre things. (Neither of them were drunk.) Then I laid down with Joe to watch the rest of the Outer Limits and fell asleep on his shoulder. Then he got me to talk in my sleep (again) and he (accidentally) tricked me into eating my hair. -1/30/04
FEBRUARY
DECLASSIFIED: Yesterday Chelsea was basically like, "Heeeeeeeey, I'm going to go to the Vagina Monologues party and hope to run into the boooooyyyyyy. So I'm going to dress like a complete whoooooooore. I need to you to come wiiiiiith me." (Because that's how Chelsea talks.) Ary IM'd and said he would drive us to the party and be our Designated Driver. We decided that the only possible explanation for him offering to drive us was that he wanted to hook up with me. When he left the party, I went with him - and I was the only one. Then, disaster struck. I fell not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES on the ice, finally twisting my ankle. It hurt like WOAH! Ary had to half-carry me, limping, back to the car. Even though Ary half-carried me all the way to my room, as soon as we reached my door, he SPLIT! He basically tried to RUN away, before I could even invite him in. Boo, that whore. -2/8/04
Tonight I ran into Mojo on my way to CW class. I recognized him and immediately looked down and in the opposite direction. I'm pretty sure I even scowled. And he mumbled a weak "Hey," and kept walking. Do I know how to pick 'em, or what? -2/12/04
DECLASSIFIED: "Oh my God, I have to go. My roommate lost her virginity." --Me, 2/21/04
Last night was the first dress rehearsal for Alcestis. Otherwise known as Incestis. First I got safety pins. Then I stood around. Occasionally I zipped, snapped, buttoned, and tied things. I read for a while, then sat around with Danny and Chris, talking mostly about how superfulous and bored we were. But the real excitement of the evening began with a girl in a Karate uniform running out of 91 yelling for a cell phone. Danny reluctantly surrendered his when she said she needed it to call 9-11. An elderly man was having a heart attack. NO ONE COULD FIND ROOM 91! I knew the layout of the Fine Arts building made no sense. Also, it took four EMS workers to figure out how to raise the damn stretcher. And at one point, someone said, "Ooops, my bad!" Which I think is just about the LAST thing you ever want to hear an EMS worker say. Chris offered, "This is like watching Abbot & Costello try to save lives." The Lesson: Never have an emergency on campus, and DEFINITELY don't have one in the Fine Arts building. -2/24/04
The second dress rehearsal went fairly well, once it finally started. I don't think there's a single person in the cast who's even slightly enthusiastic about it. There's talk of hiring a hit man instead of buying a cast gift. -2/28/04
DECLASSIFIED: Friday night I had a naked sailor in my bed. No kidding. I got to kiss a sailor (wearing a Kevlar vest and cammo pants!) goodbye and say, "See ya, space cowboy." -2/29/04
The guys sitting behind us on the bus on the way to the party overheard us mention Greek tragedy and used this as an excuse to hit on Chelsea.
Phillip: "I wrote a play!"
Other Guy: "It was Greek... It was tragic..."
Phillip: "Act 1: Phillip Goes to School. Act 2: The Death of Phillip. Phillip dies, and is resurrected."
(Ironic, since Act 2 pretty much sounds like Alcestis in a nutshell, minus the hoedown.)
-2/29/04
MARCH
I have a cast! It's very exciting. In the end, I had to make a very tough call, but I know I made the right decision. This show is going to be great and it's going to be a lot of fun, too. =) Tomorrow, Chels and I are leaving for Oberlin, Ohio, to visit Chelsea's hipster friends and so that I can meet up with my loved ones, who are driving from Illinois to see me. The only problem is, I still haven't packed, checked out, or even showered, and Chelsea's roommate LOCKED HER OUT OF THE ROOM... It's going to be a long night... -3/10/04
At last, all my devious schemes - I mean, plans for borrowing a picnic table... are falling into place! -3/26/04
Congrats to Chels on her fabulous Pipe Dream review. "The embodiment of bitterness." Indeed. Was the ever any doubt? Congrats also to Joe & Joe, who won FIRST PLACE at the Drag Show! You know, you guys never could have done it without me! -3/28/04
APRIL
DECLASSIFIED: In the car on the way home from Chicago, my mom finally broke the news about Maddy: She moved out a month ago. She became addicted to prescription pain medication and became impossible to live with. She even asked my brother to buy drugs for her a few times. There goes my last hope for a model of a working relationship. My brother came in fifteen minutes ago and said, "Hey, you wanna get high?" Home, sweet home. -4/4/04
MAY
DECLASSIFIED:
* Beligerent SUNY Bing Visitor Loses Wallet at Cheer's, Gets D'Entroned.
* Jason Lasky Turns 21, Holds Gathering, Makes Drunken Speeches.
* SUNY Bing Student Gets a Head Start on Screw Week: Hooks Up with Two People in Two Nights!
* On Warmest Day of the Year, Kellie Powell Wears a Scarf.
* Brand New Plays Kick-Ass Free Concert in Quad.
* Party on Seminary Breeds Drama, Kellie Powell Remains Cheerful.
-5/2/04
Memories of My Semester.
Today I met up with Julian for the last time to discuss philosophy. I'm going to miss that silly "math major (on paper)". -5/11/04
I said goodbye to Binghamton, which was easy. I said goodbye to my friends, which was really hard. I cried a little. Jason even mocked me. "No one is dying, Kellie. Calm down." -5/14/04
JUNE
Auditions went well, and I cast the show. It was strange how we had all females Thursday night and virtually all males on Friday, but we had enough of each in the end. The housewarming party also went really well. Everyone enjoyed my roof, except the people on the sidewalk who Jeff through water on. Then Steve threw wine on him, so justice was served. Jeff and Dan made up silly songs and almost everyone got at least somewhat trashed. -6/2/04
Today, Rj got me out a real jam. A paper jam, that is! He came to Rambo House, fixed the xerox machine so that I won't get in any trouble (I hope!), and then rode off into the sunset to sell books to the Alamo.
*girly sigh* Oh, Xerox Champ. You're my hero. -6/11/04
Saturday night I went to Dan's, wanting to get drunk. Unfortunately, I overshot this goal and got 10 times drunker than I meant to be. Rumors regarding my status were greatly exaggerated. Rj wrote, and I'm quoting: "Kellie... epitomized drunk and got it respelled "dnurnk" in the dictionary." -6/14/04
It has been a very hard week. The most important thing in my life, Patient A is going fine, except for some technical set-backs, including having no floor. -6/19/04
JULY
I woke up on the floor at Julie Grubar's house, under a blanket and sharing a pillow with The White Stick, with my #3 hangover of all time. Josh snuck what was left of his rum past a bushel of children, and the two of us made hungover, exhausted conversation all the way back to Normal. He dropped me off at my apartment, where I burned CD's for people and cried for no particular reason. (I bet you didn't know this, but I've been doing that a lot lately.) Then I went to my appointment at ISU Counseling Services at 1:00. Which was when my day got a whole lot weirder. I talked to the counselor for about half an hour, describing how I'd been feeling lately, when she told me that I needed to be hospitalized. The ISU police came to take me to the Bromenn ER. At which point, the tornado sirens went off. ...I'm just trying to breathe deeply and tell myself that eventually, I will get better. In the meantime, no more faking. Lying to everyone and myself has fucked me over for the last time. -7/20/04
AUGUST
The show went well, all things considered. To be perfectly honest, though, the Sunday night attendance was pathetic. I blame myself. If I hadn't been so anti-social all summer, I'd still have friends and I could have strong-armed them into seeing the show. Someone once accused me of only doing theatre to be able to control my friends. The opposite is actually true: I only maintain my friendships so that I'll have actors, techies, and an audience. -8/11/04
AMBER BENSON IS MY ORGAN DONATION WITNESS! -8/17/04
I will share one very special thing in detail: I GOT CAST IN A PLAY! I'm in Scatterbrain! And MANDY is in it too! She plays the leading female, and I play... basically all the other females. I play DEATH (how fucking cool is that?!?) and I also play Nadia, the main character's EVIL ex-girlfriend. This is made ironic by the fact that LOGAN is playing the main character (yeah. woah.) It makes sense 'cause basically he plays a "stoner on a mission" which is, I suppose, Logan in a nut-shell. Anyway, PERFORMANCES ARE THE FIRST WEEKEND OF OCTOBER IN THE COFFEEHOUSE and I cannot WAIT to start rehearsals. PSYCHED x10! -8/26/04
SEPTEMBER
Remember how I was playing Death? Yeah, not so much anymore. My director called me and asked me to take over the role of Dylan Thomas. This was the conversation:
JASON: "I want you to take over the role of Dylan Thomas."
KELLIE: "I'm a girl."
JASON: "I know. But I think you can pull it off."
-9/9/04
I REALLY like my job at The Vidette. But I wish I didn't have to work tonight - I'd much rather go home and pass out for six hours on my living room floor like I did last night. -9/16/04
OCTOBER
I've been cast as The White Queen in a scene from "Alice in Wonderland" for the 240 directing class. I'll know more after our first cast meeting on Saturday. -10/6/04
I went out to Denny's with Erin and Liz and they inspired me to write my first comedy. It only took a few hours, I was on a roll. It's called "Reserved" and it's about a shy girl (conveniently named Erin) who mysteriously loses her shyness and becomes outspoken and aggressive. It has five characters and includes scenes from human sexuality class and a night at "Shoebox Theatre" which is a thinly-veiled rip-off of "Theatre of Ted." -10/15/04
NOVEMBER
I went to Bob [the Internet]'s party and chilled out with Krystal [slutty vampire] and Bret [Gay Pimp from "Soccer Practice"]. I also got to see my surrogate sister Stephanie [French maid], and get caught up with her life. I'd like it if we could start hanging out together again. At midnight, people wished me happy birthday, then I headed to Mandy [old-style gangsta chick]'s, where I ogled the exhausted Roxie and watched the black-and-white Night of the Living Dead. Dan & Sean [Blue & Steve from "Blue's Clues"], Erin [goddess], Steve [pirate] and Faith [cat] joined us. Steve made fun of me and Faith made me dance. After that crowd left, I caught up with Jason Vales [Andre 3000]. Sunday I had dinner with my family and my brother's girlfriend, Amanda, at the Olive Garden, then was forced to eat pie at my house. Afterwards, my moms took me out to The Bistro for some drinks. The Bistro was cool, and I had the best slow gin fizz EVER. My mom asked when Dan is going to turn 21. I guess she really can't wait to take him to The Bistro, either. -11/2/04
Who are these people voting for Bush and what the fuck is wrong with them? Erin and I sang the Canadian National anthem. I'm fantasizing about assassination plots. If you live in Ohio and didn't vote for Kerry, I officially hate you. Everyone else who didn't vote for Kerry, I hate you, unoffically. -11/2/04
Friday night's party was a huge success. They came, they mixed, they became intoxicated. Caitlin wins the award for Most Bizarre Birthday Gift Ever - she brought me a box of (expired) sweet-potato chips. Dan and Sean won the award for Cutest Couple Ever to be Drunk in My Apartment. Erin won the award for Best Drunken Antics of the Evening, with her accidental breakage of my Venetian blinds as she climbed through the window. -11/8/04
DECLASSIFIED: A sweet, funny, articulate, adorable, affectionate, insightful, intelligent, perceptive, quirky, thoughtful, rebellious, adventurous, passionate man loves the way I look, loves the way I feel, loves everything about me, and has asked to be my boyfriend. And I said "Yes, please." -11/8/04
SINGLE WORST TRAVEL EXPERIENCE EVER. -11/21/04
We're not sure what we're doing tonight, but it's entirely possible we're going to do crafts. Because what better way is there to finish a vacation than by making something out yarn? -11/28/04
DECEMBER
It's Sunday night and I'm at The Vidette office. Erin's here, and we're about to leave in pursuit of our last calzones of the semester. Tomorrow I have my one and only final exam, then a 6:08 train to Chicago. I would love to write a couple of paragraphs about this semester. But I need to leave, so here's a quick summary: I like my new job, I love my boyfriend, and Normal is really not that bad afterall, and I owe it all to Erin. -12/12/04
WHAT DID I DO THIS YEAR?:
* Started "Stalkers, Spies, & Private Eyes."
* Lived with Carolyn.
* Directed Collaboration for Hinman Production Company.
* Received my first theatre review, in The Pipe Dream.
* Got over all kinds of rejection.
* Came up with a new horror movie with Chels. On Valentine's Day.
* Said goodbye to dorm life, forever.
* Started living by myself, and loved it.
* Went to the hospital twice in one day.
* Hooked up with four new people (Isaac, Zach, Rob, & Gabel).
* Got fucked over by Office Depot.
* Directed Patient A & Down the Road for Shoes.
* Inducted six new members into the company.
* Got a job as a Copy Editor for the Vidette.
* Signed up to live with Laura, Graham, and Erin next year.
* Threw some really great parties.
* Met the best boyfriend ever and fell in love.
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