Call me KP
del.icio.us
last.fm
CURRENTLY
FEELING...
READING...
He's a Stud, She's a Slut,
and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know
by Jessica Valenti
[More]
WRITING...
Book Reviews
LISTENING...
The Blake Babies
[More]
WATCHING...
Freaks & Geeks
[More]
PLAYING...
Animal Crossing
SURFING...
Goodreads
CRAVING...
New Books!
Wednesday, April 30, 2003 @ 5:57 PM
In the Parking Lot
Today is the strangest day I've had in a while.
I went to lunch with Mischa and Dan, and we were almost done eating when a man was hit by a car in the parking lot. He was still conscious and could talk, but he was bleeding and bruised pretty badly when they put him on the stretcher and into the ambulance. We stood around outside until the ambulance and the police cars were gone.
The rest of the day has been kind of a blur.
Stupid Thing
I'm one step away from crashing to my knees I'm one step away from spilling my guts to you -- Nickel
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 @ 9:38 PM
Wasting My Time
All right, the three-page paper is due at 2:00 tomorrow.
Instead of writing it, I took Liz's Which One of Liz's Friends From High School Are You? quiz. My results:
You are Kristen! You're an annoying hobag who will do anything for attention! You're also a terrible person who shunned your mother at your graduation. You were engaged to an asshole for a short period of time but then dumped him because he couldn't hold down a job. Who knew you actually had standards?
I'm not too hurt, since I assume none of the possible results are particularly favorable. And now, to write the paper. Maybe.
Diversity!
(Just so you know, that title is pronounced: DIE-ver-seh-TIE.)
Today we had the Guerilla Awards ceremony, and I won for "Most Dedicated to Issues of Diversity." Ye-ah! (Oh, great, now I'm turning into Jeff, too.) Dan won a "Best Supporting Actor" Award for his portrayal of "Athlete Guy." I feel sad to be leaving the group, especially since I've only recently gotten to know Michelle and Ben... Everyone yelled at me and told me they'd kill me if I didn't come back to ISU for my junior year. We'll see, people. We'll see... We're all getting together for 80's Night on Thursday, our last Huzzah! of the year. I'm starting to realize how hard it's going to be. =(
Tonight, there's NEW BUFFY. I know plenty of you could care less, but it makes me happy, and that's what matters, damn it! And then IMPROV MAFIA! Which is always new! 'Cause it's improv! And at around 10:00 tonight, I'll be writing my three-page "Synthesis Paper" which will consist of the word "communication" written 300 times, interspersed with some random verbs and adjectives. And my professor is going to give me an 'A' on it anyway, 'cause I'm just that good.
This week is just draaaaaggging along... I am so desperate for this semester to be over. I need summer to be here already!
Monday, April 28, 2003 @ 9:52 PM
Other Than It is Crawling
Seth got me a real version of Paint Shop. Thanks, Seth! I changed the date on my computer to match the rest of the world, which was pleasing.
That title, by the way, is an Alanis reference, sort of. Song goes, "I have no concept of time, other than it is flying..." Which is not the experience I'm having right now. Blargh.
For the next couple of weeks, I am going to be half-assing my way through final projects, papers and essays, and final exams. I have no plans to freak out, in fact, I plan to plead complete apathy regarding all things school-related.
I'm so glad the semester is ending. This summer, I'm going to be hella-busy, but I'm going to be doing the things I love. Well... and working to get paid, to finance doing the things I love. But even that is worth it. School? School is not worth it. I find myself fantasizing about dropping out of school constantly.
I'm listening to Billy Joel sing "Piano Man," and I'm missing Justin something fierce. And I'm certain I could be a movie star if I could get out of this place. La-da, la-da, la-da-da... et cetera.
Yeah, I should really go attend to Jane Eyre now. GRAR! I hate her! Good thing she's dead. And fictional. Otherwise, I might have to smote her!
Feel free to rescue me from this tedium. Since I don't really have to worry about studying for finals, and most people do, I should be free most of the weekend.
Sunday, April 27, 2003 @ 12:13 PM
Dreaming the Possible Dream
Did you ever have the kind of morning where everything that happened the night before seems like a dream?
Yesterday, Dan and Erin and I picked up mannequins with strange heads (their names are Beeper and Fred) for our apartment. We were listening to a mix tape I had made Dan in grade school which he had recently re-discovered. We picked up a FREE futon from one of my neighbors - they were going to throw it out! It's super-comfortable, and now it's sitting in my garage, waiting for May 16, which is our expected move-in day. I took Dan to work, and then Erin and I made the trek to Dekalb. We sang our lungs out the entire way there with a brand-new mix tape. What amused me beyond belief was that one of the songs on the ancient mix tape was also on the brand-new one. My taste in music really hasn't changed much since I was in grade school.
Erin and I saw Carmina Burana, for which Josh designed the tremendously exciting lighting. Having never seen a dance concert except for Orchesis at U-High, Carmina pretty much blew my mind. Afterwards, we ate a very expensive dinner at Applebee's - there aren't many choices in Dekalb. I really enjoyed Josh's friends, especially Shelly, and it's kinda sad to know that I'll probably never see any of them again, since odd's are he's transferring to Columbia next fall.
The drive home was fun, we listened to "Songs from Musicals" and I somehow survived my killer headache. I ended up sleeping on the couch at my house instead of trying to park legally on campus and sleep in my dorm room. My mother ran me back about twenty minutes ago, and I'm going to see Midsummer around two. I'm going to try to start on the tremendous amount of work I have to do this weekend. I have waited until the absolute last minute, and can procrastinate no longer.
Okay... here I go. Work time. For def.
Friday, April 25, 2003 @ 5:45 PM
Impending Financial Independence
We have an apartment! We have an apartment! We signed the lease today!
I feel some extreme poverty comin' on!
By the way, if anyone asks, Dan is my brother and Stephanie's boyfriend - a guest, and not resident of the apartment. =) I'm going to make a chart to make sure the rent gets split up evenly.
And there will be mooching. Lots and lots and lots of mooching.
Oh, and if we don't find subleasers, we get REALLY screwed!
Any questions?
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 @ 1:43 PM
That F. Scott Fitzgerald Feeling
Sometimes, when I look around and see everyone else's problems, I feel like my own despair is actually small and rather decadent.
And it's times like this I wish I were the praying kind.
I Know I'm No Superman
Sadly, I cannot be in two places at the same time. Steph and I can't go to Dekalb this weekend because I have a Guerilla show Friday night, and she can't go any other night. I feel horrible, since I already told Josh to get us tickets... I still haven't heard from him to figure out whether I can make the trip solo or w/ Erin Saturday or Sunday. Also, Midsummer is this weekend.
We lost the apartment we wanted. Which means if we're going to live anywhere, we need to take our second choice, and we need to do it now.
I did, however, get factor-five working. My 'blog is working, YOU ALL OWE ME $7. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be pushy about this, due to forthcoming financial independence.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 @ 2:54 PM
Some Days Are Better Than Others
When I first heard the song "Fire Escape" by Fastball, I hated it. I listened to the words and thought, "Excuses, excuses. Have some faith, you angsty bastard."
But then I heard it a few years later and really liked it. Just... fell in love. Understood the sentiments, felt sympathetic and loved the song.
Today, I listened to it again, and you know what? I hate it again.
But life is good. I counted, and I have saved $700 this semester. I'm opening a checking account. Everything I wanted when I was seven and feared when I was seventeen - and want again, now that I'm nineteen but still feel seventeen - is coming to pass.
On again. Off again. On again. Off again. This is your life.
Monday, April 21, 2003 @ 5:08 PM
Butterflies
Steph, Dan, and I have decided on an apartment! Yay! We still have stuff to work out, but we're really going to do this! It's so exciting and scary!
It's weird to think of myself as an adult... opening a checking account, paying bills, and stuff... Today, in Spanish, I made a list of ways I could make extra money... like selling my old books & CD's, and selling my plasma. And of course, there will be lots and lots of mooching.
This is going to be the best summer ever.
Saturday, April 19, 2003 @ 7:22 PM
Goodafternoons
Last night was strange, I hung out with old-skool friends, it was weird because no one could come up with anything to say. I guess we were all tired. I went home and watched the commentary to Cruel Intentions, which Dan gave me on DVD a year or so ago. I was terribly amused by all the gaffes the crew pointed out which I would never have noticed otherwise. The director kept giving advice addressed to first-time directors, and it was strange, my ears perked right up, like, "Oh, I should listen to this." I want to make a movie. Anyone?
I got up around noon today, worked on my website for a few hours, went to lunch/dinner with Dan, came back and worked on the website some more. Listened to Alix Olson. It's going to be a long time before I listen to anything else (voluntarilly). She rocks my toe socks, no joke.
Tonight, we are going to see Goodfellas, a little after 11pm. It is $3 at University Cinemas if you would like to join us. I'm pretty sure that I've seen part of this movie before, and it is considered by many to be a classic.
Plus, you might win a free Crossroads poster. You can't top that.
Friday, April 18, 2003 @ 1:20 PM
Color Me Exhausted
Well, I went on a bit of an emotional roller coaster last night, but I'm feeling pretty grounded now. I noticed a large bruise on my arm, and since I can't figure out where I could have gotten it, I decided that it formed from the inside out.
I didn't get to have lunch with Michelle today, because she's in Iowa, so I'm pouting. Friday just isn't the same without her.
I don't have any plans for tonight, and most of my friends are leaving town. So I guess I'll sit in my room and work on school work, like the nerd I am. Unless I get a better offer. ::looks around:: Anyone?
Thursday, April 17, 2003 @ 9:56 PM
Adoration and Anger
WARNING: This Entry Contains Feminism.
Somehow it's all connected, everything that happened to me today, and I'm beginning to see the patterns emerging and it makes me do that thing where I suck in air through my teeth, excited.
I had a discussion with Brie today, who's apathetic about gender equity, and she talked about how she's not a feminist because she doesn't feel like she's ever been victimized by patriarchy. She's been shaped, but she doesn't feel like a victim, yet. Maybe she thinks she transcends the system that surrounds and suffocates us all, I don't know. So defensive, so eager to say, "Feminists blame men for everything." Well, I'm a feminist, I was raised a feminist, I will die a feminist, and I believe that we all, men and women, suffer under patriarchy. But I also believe that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. I just look at her, and I just look at the rest of the passive women, and the defensive men, and I wonder: What will it take to make you angry? I always think if you're not angry, you're not paying close enough attention. What has to be taken from you before you see what's been there all along? What will it take to make an activist out of you? You can't answer me, I know, but I have to ask anyway.
People act like it's a bad thing to be angry. They don't know the difference between angry and pissed off. One is doing, and one is being. And for a while I was feeling, feeling hopless, feeling helpless. Suddenly, I'm feeling inspired, and I've got to figure out what to do about it.
I saw Alix Olson perform tonight, and I'm in love with what her words awoke in me. And all of a sudden, I want to write the words that wake up my generation. Ambitious, I know, but right now, I want to die trying. Maybe six years from now, I'll want nothing more than to make pie while barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen, I don't know. But right now, I want to cut my hair short and cover my body in bumper-sticker tattoos. And I want to unleash my kindness and rage upon the uncaring world.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003 @ 4:39 PM
"He Nice, the Jesus."
I found out the only projects I was somewhat concerned with are actually well under control. So, my procrastination continues. No one seems impressed by my stupid banners, but I'm making more, anyway! So there! =)
Last night, I dreamed I was six years old, and it was the fourth of July. It was vivid, in that I had small-person vision. I was just about eye level with the picnic tables... Anyway, I lost my purple raccoon, which was my favorite stuffed animal, and cried all through the fireworks. It's kind of funny because... that actually happened, but I can't remember the last time I thought about it. And then there was something about making construction paper Chinese lanterns... and some oranges, but I don't know what their significance was...
Today my mom told me about how my grandmother invited herself for dinner on Sunday. I just cringed and said, "Do I have to be there?" She said, "No." I will not be celebrating Easter in the conventional sense this year, but I might sing Anya's bunny song on the quad for spare change. That title is from a David Sedaris story, in case you were wondering.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003 @ 11:54 PM
Fun With Paint Shop
Yeah, so I got distracted from making a new version of my website, and just played with the 'blog instead. Go check out the banners under "The Others." I played with Paint Shop for a really long time, and I learned a new trick! Hold your mouse over the banners to watch them change.
Meanwhile, in Jerusalem... Projects, speeches, papers, tests, blaaarrgh. I want to be done with school right this instant. And if I can't be done with school, I think I'll pretend I am... This feels a little like senioritis... Apathy, laziness... But none of that "impending graduation" feeling... And yet, this is much more powerful than the average garden-variety procrastination overdose... I am under the thrall of a being more powerful than myself.
Curse you, Oz!
Blue is Beautiful
I always wonder why the expression is "rose-colored glasses."
I have blue sunglasses, and they make the whole world prettier. All the colors are made more intense - especially blue and green, which are the greatest colors of spring. I'm not a very visual person... most of the time I just walk around and all I see are my own thoughts. But lately, it's like my eyes are opening, and the same old scenery suddenly takes my breath away.
I'm high but I'm grounded, I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed... I'm young and I'm underpaid, I'm tired but I'm working... yeah.
Sunday, April 13, 2003 @ 5:35 PM
You May Want to Skip This Entry
I was trying to explain to my mother what depression is like, because it's so hard to for her to understand why my brother acts the way he does. And I was trying to explain to her the irrelevance of circumstances. I said, "I'm always vaguely aware that I'm not upset because bad things aren't happening to me, I'm upset because I'm reacting badly to everything."
And I want to tell you, I'm hardly ever upset because of something that you say, or something you write, or something that you do, or something that you didn't say, or didn't write, or didn't do, or didn't do enough. You could say something one day, and it would make me laugh, say the same thing the next day, and it would make me burst into tears and hate my life. That's the nature of the disease that I keep so well hidden, the disease people don't even seem to know I have. Most of the time, I can't even speak without wanting to apologize for myself, for the way I am.
I was trying to tell my mother how guilty I felt because I got better, and Will didn't. But I realized, it's not that I got better. I never escaped this little hurricane. I still lie in bed at night and feel as though my lungs are going to collapse in on themselves and I'll suffocate on my own self-inflicted loneliness and carefully cultivated cynicism. I still feel like everyone I know and love gets together when I'm not around to say how they feel annoyed by and sorry for me. I still look in the mirror and hate everything I see.
And I want to tell you, I haven't gotten over this. Sometimes I'm happy, but I forget all the details as they pass by. Sometimes I'm not happy, but I act like I am, and then I start to become disturbed by how good I've gotten at deceiving. Sometimes I'm sad, and I cry, and I wanted to tell you that's when I feel the most like myself. I haven't recovered, and it's doubtful that I ever will. I just got better at not doing anything drastic. I still feel like killing myself sometimes. It seems strange to say, because I don't feel that way now. That's what it's like. You feel something and you can barely remember feeling anything else. But the first thousand times have given me a sense of the pattern, and I have an understanding of myself and the way I feel. I know that what I feel is going to change again, because it always does.
Events are irrelevant. You can't control my reactions, and neither can I. All I can do is acknowledge what I'm feeling, and wait it out. Wait for it to change. And know - not think, not hope, but know - that it will. This is as close as I come to faith. This is as close as I come to sanity.
Weekend Lack of Excursions
Considering all the relevant factors, I consider the Friday night party a tremendous success. Thank you to everyone who came, and triple thanks to Seth, who came three and a half times, and brought us Janet, Dan, and snack foods, and took Katie & Lauren home. I hope that a good time was had by one and all.
One of the things that was brought up was that I can't keep track of who I've introduced to who. It was suggested that I make a chart with everyone's names on it, and put gold stars in the little boxes to indicate who knows who. Honestly, this might be worth doing if I were ever really bored, but I'm not.
I spent the rest of my weekend watching movies. This weekend I watched Empire Records, Go, Igby Goes Down, Kissing Jessica Stein, Hero, Waiting for Guffman, Windtalkers, and Snatch. That's like sixteen hours I spent on a futon in my father's living room, over a period of two and a half days. A-mazing. I also got a little tipsy and wrote some poetry.
Today, I woke up at noon and started packing up my stuff. If I'd gotten up an hour earlier, I could have missed my father completely, but no, I was still there when he got home. I gave him back his keys and after a minimum of harrassment, he let me leave. I went shopping with my mother, and then ate half a jar of dill pickles and some chocolate peanut butter with crackers. (I'm not pregnant, I just eat like I am.)
I'm writing this from my family's dining room, where the computer has been moved to prevent further illegal ebay transactions and to encourage my brother to communicate with (by throwing socks at) the rest of the family. I'm going to Wal-Mart any minute - minute looks really weird for some reason, like I'm spelling it wrong, but I don't think I am - and after that, hopefully to Peoria to mall around with Steph. Reports to follow.
Friday, April 11, 2003 @ 1:38 PM
Something with Upside-Down and Cheese...
I was flipping through my agenda/calendar thing, and on the very back page, upside-down, is written, "Something with upside-down and cheese." Seth? I'm giving you a puzzled look.
Last night, Dan and I went to see Chicago with Eric A. from Guerilla. It was really cool, I'm glad I finally saw it. Then, we went to Wal-Mart. We bought meat, and peanut butter, and pickles, and cheese. And then we watched But I'm a Cheerleader on Indpendent Film Channel, and reminisced.
Then this morning, I had lunch with Michelle, Sma, and HayKat. And I was debating between having cheese sticks, or cheese fries. We talked about senioritis. Funny, I seem to have some of that myself... in fact, I realized I have no idea what we've been doing in math for the past month or so. But it matters little because...
Party Tonight! I'll start picking up college-people around 6:30. If you're driving yourself, a good time for you to arrive would be 7:15pm-ish. (And we may end up going to see Aliens at 11pm - part of the Re-Run series. University Theatres, $3 admission.) Party should be spleniferous. It's apartment #3. Call my cell if you get lost. Bring your own drinks, snacks, and camels.
Thursday, April 10, 2003 @ 1:24 PM
I'm Glad I'm Not a Victorian Prostitute
Last night, I baked for several hours, watched a re-run of "The West Wing" and took Dan, Donnelle, and Erin to Wal-Mart just before midnight. I bought everything I need to get by in life - cherry 7-up, Kix cereal, gum, and blue-black hair dye (my roots are showing and I hate that).
Today I got up early to wait for the UPS man who never came, then went to English - and I gave Liz & Julie four chocolate cupcakes, each. We spent all of English class talking about Jane Eyre... the only thing memorable was the mentionextensive discussion of syphilis. (Hence being glad I'm not a 19th-century whore.) I decided to skip Spanish, but ended up just going to work... I'm skipping class to work. That seems wrong.
It's funny. I joined Melodramatic.com so I'd have a place to write the things I purposefully didn't write here. Except, now I'm actively recruiting people to join Melo. So, soon, it won't be much different than this 'blog. When I told Dan about this, he said, "So, basically, you sold your soul." Oh, well, that's why they have "friends only" options, I suppose. Except really my friends are exactly the people I'm hiding things from. See above RE: wrong...
Party. Tomorrow night. Contact if you need transportation or directions. BYOE (bring your own everything).
Wednesday, April 09, 2003 @ 12:43 PM
Grrrr! and Arrrrgh!
My father drives me insane, sometimes. But I agreed to watch his apartment for him while he's in Omaha. So, I went over to his apartment at 9:30 this morning. (I hate getting out of bed before noon, before ten is even worse.) And once I get there, he immediately starts making me wish he lived in another state.
He was so patronizing about everything! Frank, for the love of God, I'm nineteen. I can lock and unlock a door and retrieve mail! I can operate a stove without setting off a smoke detector, thank you!
Then we went for breakfast. At Zorba's - I am not a fan of Zorba's in the first place, but my father had to hassle me at every damn intersection! Fine, you're right, I'm not a good driver. But you BUGGING me DOESN'T HELP! He could've driven, but no, he made me drive, I think just so he could criticize me.
*And* he sprung the fact that his friend Sam was meeting us there on me at the last second. Now, I like Sam, but every time he sees me, he asks me about the computer he built for Frank to give to me as a graduation present. (Not out of the goodness of his heart, in case you were wondering. He was paid very well for this service.) And the fact is, the computer he built was archaic and annoying, and I replaced it as soon as I could afford to. But I have to smile and say, "Oh, yeah, it's working out great," because I can't tell my father that his only friend ripped him off.
And the entire time, he wouldn't shut up about how I'm going to be homeless and starving in the gutter. The thing is, I don't believe that anymore. Yes, I'm a Theatre major. But for the first time in my life, I can actually see myself with a career - not just a job, but something that makes me happy. Why does my father insist on trying to deprive me of this hard-won hope?
"Why can my parents always push all of my buttons?" "That's easy. They installed them." --Paul & Jamie
Tuesday, April 08, 2003 @ 5:38 PM
Damn you all, and your siblings!
Yesterday, I skipped choir and rode home with my mom. We talked about lots of things, we ordered pizza, and I baked several dozen cookies. I will be baking again on Wednesday in my borrowed apartment, so if you want me some cupcakes or cheesecake, let me know.
This coming weekend is sibling weekend. I have some very good reasons for hating Sibling Weekend, and I hate it even more than Parent Weekend, and that shouldn't be possible.
I'm re-addicted to Melodramatic and The Sims. In fact, I just finished melo-ing, and as soon as I finish typing this, I'm going to play The Sims. I think these addictions are re-surfacing because I'm subconsciously preparing for summer time. Either that, or I'm searching for community and control in a world full of chaos.
Seth told me the funniest damn story today at lunch, and I still can't stop laughing (::attempts math::) five hours later. I'd tell it here, but it's really his story to tell. Although, if you ask me, I will tell you, after I finish giggling like a giddy schoolgirl.
A Note From Red
Yeah, thanks greatly for letting me use your stuff for a shower. I hadn't had a shower since Friday night (Saturday was the last day in New York, and I let my other roommates shower in the morning). Because betweeen Saturday and Sunday was spent on the bus, then when we got home I decided that if I were awake later on I would shower if not, I was just going to shower in the morning. Well, I was so tired when I got home that I pretty my started unpacking and getting back to being home and went to bed. Because we were on the East coast we didn't have to worry about the time change because we already changed all of our watches. But, this morning I realized that I hadn't changed my room clock forward until my mother was in my room telling me to get up. She took my sister to school, the pick me up from home (about 5 minutes). At that point, it had been a few days without taking a shower ... So, during logic I telepathically told my teacher that he had to let us out early so I could take a shower. He did, and you let me, that totally woke me up and I wasn't tired again until rehearsal. But, during rehearsal I had one of my long sleeping scenes, so I got to sleep during rehearsal for about half an hour. Go me.
Monday, April 07, 2003 @ 10:49 AM
April Showers Bring Megans
Okay... I'm at work, and Megan the Red just came in and asked me if she could take a shower. Of cousre, I told her she was welcome to crash my dorm room, use my extra towels and tell my roommate that I said it was fine... she dashed out, telling me she would send me an e-mail later.
I'm eagerly awaiting an explanation.
Sunday, April 06, 2003 @ 1:15 PM
Kidnapping, Et Cetera...
Thanks to some things that happened yesterday, I feel much better. The feelings of terror and helplessness are still there, but they are suddenly a lot more manageable.
As soon as I got back from my little trek to Champaign, I was kidnapped by Dan and Stephanie and taken to a mall in Peoria. Steph and I are going to return there when I have some money. We had pizza and then Steph drove us downtown, where we couldn't find anywhere to go that wasn't 21-and-older. So, we drove home, listening to Linkin Park and Blink182. It was sparkly and good. And we're going to live together this summer! Huzzah! I love my friends.
I went home and went to sleep and had a really weird dream... It's very much bits and pieces, but Dan, Steph, Renata, Rob, and other people were there... and there was parachuting, and bicycling, and walking into an open house, where we stole some things... and a grandmotherly woman who looked like my great aunt... and then, it took a turn for the very not cool. Someone who looked like the illegitimate love-child of Julie Fisher's father and Jack Nicholson stalked from room to room with a knife while I hid in a linen closet. It was very vivid, except for the terror, which I didn't feel in the dream. Then, when I thought I could get to the door, I crept out of my hiding place, but he was waiting by the door, so I ran to the basement. He had a female accomplice, who's voice I heard, but I never saw her... Anyway, this all resulted in me stabbing him in the eye with a screwdriver. But he didn't even scream or anything. That was a little creepy. I woke up and tried to figure out what all of this was about, and decided I need to start 1.) Looking for a bike, 2.) Looking harder for an apartment, 3.) Not stealing, and 4.) Writing the horror movie. But not before I play The Sims.
You know what would be cool? If Tim Burton did a film version of No Exit. Imagine: Hell is... Johnny Depp!
Saturday, April 05, 2003 @ 1:05 PM
Blargh
Everything on my mind right now is something I can't talk about. The summarizing, all-encompassing statement for this week is... Nothing is easy, but everything is worthwhile.
Everything sucks, but I'll live. I always do.
Friday, April 04, 2003 @ 4:31 PM
At Seventeen
Around five this morning, I woke up and realized my roommate was snoring like an 80-year-old man. Then I noticed a thunderstorm was going on outside. I had to slam the door to our room so my roommate would wake up, giving me a chance to go back to sleep.
The world looks really pretty today, at least from my window. The sky looks disappointed, or disapproving, I can't decide which, but everything else looks shiny and resiliant.
And I... am a hyper-sentimental seventeen-year-old... I gave it some thought and decided that I don't feel nineteen, I feel seventeen. I feel the same way I did when I was just finishing junior year of high school. I'm not sure I've changed since then. Or, maybe I changed, but then I changed back... Maybe this is just temporary. Maybe I'm seventeen today, but next month, I'll be twenty-four.
I See Theatre
Last night, I performed in the Guerilla show, and fled the scene early to see more one-acts. By the end of the night, I was trying to turn everything into theatre. That's apparently what an overdose looks like. Imagine for a moment turning your Com 110 paper into a monologue, and then you will understand my situation.
My eye still really hurts. I'm up early this morning to go to the bank and the post office. And I'll be up late tonight, because:
It's the beginning of the re-run film series at University! Trainspotting, tonight at 11pm, $3. Get there early, this is more popular than you think.
Thursday, April 03, 2003 @ 2:31 PM
I just had kind of a weird thought:
Maybe I don't need a new version of my website. Maybe I need a new version of me.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003 @ 11:37 PM
Tonight, I watched several hours of one-acts. (This week, I'm trying to see how much theatre I can take before I O.D.) There were many good shows. And, Scott Hogan is offically a god to me. He's just incredibly talented, or at minimum, he's my kind of actor. Subtle, genuine, he has a presence without being desperate and obnoxious about it like so many of the actors I witnessed this evening. He impressed me in Hopscotch, but he blew me away in Guarding the Bridge. Who would have known that the same guy I watch practically every week at Improv Mafia had such amazing talent, such endless capacity for compelling drama? And he's a freshman!
< / gushing >
On the way walking home, I ran my left eye into a tree branch. (That tree came out of nowhere!) It hurts like hell, and it's red and gross-looking, but I can see just fine, so I guess I'll hold off on a trip to the emergency room. Hopefully I'll have time to run to Health Services tomorrowsometime this week. And if not, you know, I'll just go blind, the way prophets sometimes do. I don't want to stay awake, because I want my eye to heal, but I don't think I can sleep yet.
Actually, I've had a lot of trouble sleeping latelyfor almost a month.
It's April. Funny, it feels a lot like March, with one major difference: These Aren't My Shoes Productions has a functioning website. It's not perfect yet, but it's up, and running, and useful for anyone who wants to read the scripts of this summer's shows! There are dates set, too! For the entire summer!
This is way too exciting.
Okay, so I made some color changes, just on this page, so that it would be easier to read. Of course, now it seems eerie-bright. That's no reason to stop commenting. Comment, dammit.
I took Kat to Improv Mafia last night, it was a kinda off night for them, but still very funny, and she didn't know any better. =) We had a good talk afterwards over pretzels and smoothies. Has Kat changed? Well, she's in a sorority. And she seems a little less inhibited and a lot happier. She seems somehow more honest, more herself than before. So if she changed, she changed into the person she was always supposed to be. Which is definitely encouraging.
Tonight: The Freshman One-Acts. Julie's begins at 5:30, I'll be racing there from choir.
Tuesday, April 01, 2003 @ 10:01 AM
Okay, the dream I had last night went something like this:
Dan, a new friend of his named Tiana, and I were all on our way to some kind of old garage that had been turned into an impromptu brothel. Dan was really psyched about going, and Tiana and I were going to wait outside for him. Now, because my subconscious really likes to fuck with me, the brothel was run by my roommate, Danielle, and the two people "working" there were Mike from my English class and Josh. I won't even go into what's wrong with this picture. So, Dan goes in, and Tiana - who I had never met until this day - and I sit outside, and are talking. And I'm loud, like, really loud, but I don't realize it until Dan comes out, pays Danielle, and we start to walk away. And Dan and I had a conversation that went along the lines of,
ME: "Was something wrong?"
DAN: "Not in the technical sense..."
ME: "Then why do you look weirded out?"
DAN: "Nothing, just... I could hear you."
ME: "Oh, God. I ruined everything."
DAN: "Well... That depends on how you look at it, I guess."
So, we all go back to Dan's place, which is now bigger and his roommate isn't Jeff, it's the young guy from Dinner with Friends who we saw waiting for tickets to Rent. Josh is there, too, but now he's wearing a baseball cap and a sweater and his name is something else. There are other people in the room who I don't really remember. And apparently the new roommate - the guy from Dinner with Friends - and I have a history of some kind. I'm not exactly sure, but something is going on. And instead of just letting it lie, I'm pestering him about it. Not even because of anything personal, but because he has really generalized, stereotyped opinions about women. So, I'm just bugging and bugging him, and he's being a jackass, and then I say something to Tiana about how "those two just prove the only good guys are the gay ones."
And she's like, "Dan's gay?" Because apparently, nothing up until then had, you know, tipped her off. Anyway, she freaked out on all of us and ran screaming from the room. And I was like, "That was weird." And Dan was like, "Kellie, how could you? She was my best friend." And then Julie came by just in time to hear that, and said, all ghetto-like, "Don't be hatin'." And then she invited me to a party at her friend Lynn's house. And I said that I'd go, and I followed her out, because I wanted to take a walk. Julie told me she was dropping out of school to be a full-time lifeguard. And then we went our separate ways in front of my building, both on foot. I got only a few feet when I was attacked by a swarm of bees, which is the last thing I remember.
But what's really weird... Is that everything in the dream makes a strange kind of sense to me, like I know exactly what it's trying to tell me.
Except for Mike and Josh working in a gay brothel. That's just fucked up.
Its a brand new season and we all know that seasons always call for new wardrobes and apparels. So if you are looking for designer womens shoes such as top of the line steve madden shoes then you should visit Solestruck for the best selections. Solestruck is known for it's great quality shoe products and low prices on womens shoes. SoleStruck.com!
archives / / blogger
Content & Design (c) 2000-2008 KP
LINKS
moonshine
no escape
no cars
erin
feministing
feminism 101
safer
sea monsters
penny arcade
ctrl+alt+del
xkcd
achewood
mac hall
softer world
5ives.com
overheard
pa notes
FUNDRAISING
AcaDemon
My Essays
Alibris
Shutterfly
Blue Dolphin
Overstock
Apple iTunes
