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Monday, March 31, 2003 @ 9:14 PM
Today I had a very hard time getting out of bed. I was still moaning internally about my surreal weekend. And I went to work, and to a group meeting, and to Spanish, and to Com, and lunch after math was cancelled, and then to choir. And I didn't remember to bring a notebook, so I wrote a poem in my agenda. I don't like what that poem is about, I don't like the subject matter. But I do like this line:
I wrote the angry poetry I didn't even know I had in me, and now I'm feeling better, out of spite.
I wish that I could sing and play guitar, because the music in my head is so pretty. Dan and I were talking about how he's going to make his children play guitar. He'll say, "No, you can't play outside! You're going to learn to play guitar! Trust me, you'll thank me for this later."
I still don't feel right. Everything is getting to me. But I'm trying really hard.
Because I couldn't have said it better myself...
"In other news, today Kellie and I gave our numbers to an attractive young man we saw at Chatters because he had slipped off his shoes and we thought he had cute feet." --Erin
Saturday, March 29, 2003 @ 10:18 PM
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." --Fight Club
Fuckin' a.
No, no, everything is fine. Really. Or, even if it isn't fine, it will be. Right? Sure. Mmm-hmmm.
All I need to do is find a way to shut down.
Fuck. I'm in a Cleveland. I'm in Hell, and it is other people.
Oh, I could be embarrassed about things I said and did last night, but... Why? I'm sorry if I hurt or humiliated anyone, that was never my intention. Perhaps I used poor judgment, but I shouldn't have to apologize for my intoxication-inspired honesty. That's what it is, too. The person I am when I'm drunk is still me, and I don't say and do things I don't really mean.
Oh, and Josh... I don't have any idea why you're in Iowa, but I certainly hope you get out alive. That place is the mouth of Hell and it knows it. Call me. Preferably when you're drunk, so the score will be even.
When I m drunk, I turn into the horrible, horrible person that I would be the rest of the time, but am too inhibited to admit I am. relaly.
Tonigh was a blasht ! Mice I;ll laugh about this ll tomorrow, realy.
Friday, March 28, 2003 @ 10:38 PM
I'm going out drinking with The Big Toe. This is either really brave, or completely insane.
I guess we'll know in the morning.
I just looked at my archives. This is what I learned:
Exactly One Year Ago...
- I was learning to walk on stilts.
- I didn't have a cell phone.
- I was suffering from my last high school crush.
- I had never exchanged more than three sentences with Adam Orrick.
- I was desperate to escape the U-High incestuous fishbowl.
- I started every weekday morning in Pre-Calculus class.
- I had never held a job.
- I was sure that Amanda couldn't act.
- Dan had his little green neon and he drove me everywhere.
- Rob was raising our egg baby, Ackmanzelbred.
- I was terrified that I'd never be able to run S&C Productions without Josh's help.
- The U-High world lit class was playing an RPG about German bakeries.
- I didn't know where I was going to go to college, but I knew it wouldn't be ISU.
Exactly Two Years Ago
- I was on a bus headed towards Boston.
- I was feuding like Hell with Hell-Kat.
- I was dating my first boyfriend.
- Dan was dating his first boyfriend.
- Cori & Justin were a few months shy of their first anniversary.
- Julie and Eric were back together after their respective flings.
- I had just seen Three Doors Down at Braden.
- I was reading A Farewell to Arms for Mrs. Thetard's AP Literature class.
- I was in the middle of directing Am I Blue?
- I considered Cori Raney one of my best friends. (We're still friends, but I haven't seen her since New Year's.)
- I wasn't speaking to my father, and hadn't spoken to him for two months.
- Josh had just read That Was Then and told me he wanted to direct it (and design lighting for it) in a month.
- Dan had his little green neon and he drove me everywhere. =)
- I lived in Lexington!
OH MY GOD! I somehow forgot how totally amazing, captivating, and overwhelming Rent is! I thought after seeing it once before and memorizing the soundtrack word for word, it would have lost some of its potency. And, to be completely honest, it wasn't quite as amazing as when I saw it for the first time. But it was still a-mazing. I cried, which I know isn't saying much because it's me and I cry at Lucky Charms commercials, but I did, I cried. And it was so great to see Megan Dougherty during intermission, she was like, multiple-orgasming, I swear. Rent de-virginifying! Huzzah! OH! And we went to try to get pictures and autographs and such, and we were just standing around when we suddenly realized ROGER WAS FIVE FEET AWAY FROM US! We were all frozen in awe. (He is walking sex with a guitar!) He ran and got on the bus, and they sped away into the night. I can't believe that! When I saw Three Doors Down at Braden junior year, they made us wait two hours before they came out to sign things! I was totally prepared to wait for hours! I was not prepared for them to just LEAVE like that. Argh.
I felt bad for my mom... She bought us tickets because she knows how much I love the show, and I just ended up making her feel old and disconnected from me. (I was all down on the ground floor with the elderly season-ticket holders and faculty members, and most of my fellow student/Bohemians were in the mezzanine.) And she told me at the end that she enjoyed it, but she felt really old, because she couldn't identify with the fury and passion of youth anymore. And I told her, "I'm sorry, I guess you must feel like you're on the other side of the answering machine these days." She knew what I meant, too. She's just that cool.
I have to type up my part of the com group presentation and mail it to Andy before tomorrow morning. But Danielle's asleep and I'm going to be falling asleep at my computer unless I start working on this pretty soon. I wish I could turn the lights on, but I can't, because she's sleeping! Argh. Where's the energy I had fifteen minutes ago in Dan's room? It must've gotten lost in the hallway... I hate that... =)
Thursday, March 27, 2003 @ 2:28 PM
And here we are at work again. Drinking a Code Red, listening to Launch. Give me the quiet (read: very dull) life.
Mmmm, de ja vu-ilicious...
One test down, Spanish class cancelled. Surprise! An extra hour and a half at work! ...Yay?
Bring it on, 'cause I'm no victim. --Pearl Jam
Okay, that was weird. Last night, I like, dreamed the horror movie that Dan and I are (kinda) writing. For serious. I had red hair and my name was Gwen. And Dan's name was Kevin, and Justin's name was Sebastian, and Stephanie's name was Tristin... you get the point. Anyway, seriously, I dreamed all these different scenes from the movie, some of the ones we planned and some we didn't. And then the end of the dream was the most bizarre part of all, because all of a sudden, we were talking about it. Someone said, "Oh, so they just stand there?" and I said, "Well, they think they're safe now." And then, the four of us were watching ourselves on the TV in my basement at home.
That just added a whole lot of surrealism to my day. And now, I have a stupid fucking English test... But on the plus side, I'm going to see Rent tonight! Once I leave my room, I won't be back until after the show tonight... ::sigh:: There's just not enough time!
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 @ 11:47 PM
Today we had the filming of the conflict mediation video. I play a girl who's completely oblivious to the fact that her roommate is pissed at her. They told me to type on a computer (while the monitor was turned off) and "groove" to music (there was none, except for in my head), it was awful. And then they shot these extreme close-ups, so my pores are recorded on video for all eternity. Huzzah!
Mike called at the exact second I got back to the dorms, and asked me for the address of the glossary listings. I told him, and then I wished him luck on the test, not that he'd need it. I swear, she reads his test and then grades everyone else's based on how closely they resemble his. Either that, or she liked the porn he included on the disk when he turned in his glossary listings. It seems a risky strategy though. Any form of bribery is risky, but I would think bribery by porn would be particularly dangerous. Anyway, then Julie and Liz came over to study English, and I added comments to Dan's 'blog, and then the four of us played Fuzion Frenzy, and Dan beat me! And then, somehow it was 11:00. And now, somehow, it's midnight. Strange how that happens...
Well, look at me, going on with my life, not talking about anything below the surface. I really don't want to get too good at this.
ARRRRGH!!!!
I'm having a bad couple of days.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003 @ 3:16 PM
Oh, holy GOD! What the hell is happening to my week? I feel like I have this little schedule in my brain, like a table or chart or something that has hour-long blocks in the first column, and then big X's through all the corresponding rectangles of time during which I have commitments of some kind. And there isn't any space that isn't X'd out! I'm exaggerating, really, otherwise I wouldn't have time to read Penny Arcade and post on my journal, but I really do have to leave for Guerilla in fifteen minutes and I still have to put on socks.
Speaking of, the show went reasonably well last night, except for "Beth & the T's" which was a trainwreck (it's a skit with rapid-fire cues, it BEGS to be screwed up!), and a few problems with "Reading Between the Lines." Fortunately, "A Matter of Perspective" and "50/50" went really well. We got tons of laughs. Especially at the "BY THE WAY, no, I'm not into threesomes!" line, and when Jenny started strangling me with the phone cord. I would describe it as "quality."
After the Guerilla show, I had a group meeting for Com 110, and then I hung out with David Foster, Jessica Rubenacker, and Annie Creswell. We all drank (me considerably less than the rest of them) and watched the second half of season two of "Queer as Folk." We drank every time there was a reference to homosexuality. Verbal or nonverbal. That's a lot of references. Sidenote, David is an excellent bartender. I got to catch up on the gossip, which was fun and strange. I won't post anything here, because 90% of my reading audience probably couldn't care less, but ask me if that kind of thing interests you.
My moms bought me a Binghamton University shirt, and some postcards with pictures of the campus. I'm so grateful to them for supporting my decison, I know it can't be easy for them. I know I'm probably a dork for getting along with my mother, but seriously, she rules. She told me when she was my age, she desperately wanted to go to college in Boston, but her parents couldn't afford to send her. And then we made smart ass remarks, like, "this is how children get spoiled" and laughed.
There's so much more I need to say, so much I want to talk about, or write down, or at least try to remember. But my life is calling me away, and off I must go.
Monday, March 24, 2003 @ 12:26 PM
And here we are at work again. Drinking a Code Red, listening to Launch. Give me the quiet (read: very dull) life. I get a mondo paycheck this Friday, though. I think there needs to be some kind of celebration. Perhaps celebratory calzones, or a Fuzion Frenzy tournament? Hm, I did absolutely no work at all this weekend, so I'm going to have a very interesting (read: hectic) week. Tonight there's a Guerilla performance and I have a group meeting for Com, then I have to write a glossary listing on metaphor which I blew off last night so I could watch cartoons. (All you people not watching "Undergrads," and "Mission Hill" - I strongly reccommend you fix this, and soon.) The Guerilla show, for those interested, is in the Hamilton-Whitten second floor lounge, and begins at 7pm.
Strangely, I still have some optimism regarding Guerilla. I know we had a bad show, I know there are people who aren't on top of their lines and characters, but there is a lot of talent in the group, and honestly... it could be worse. Donnelle and I were talking, and she said that Guerilla makes her miss the days when directors would yell and scream. I don't feel that way, though. I honestly think this "The show will be what you all make it" approach is a lot better than the "I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU" high school productions of yore.
And Josh, please don't tell me that I'll never make it in the world of real theatre. Because I already know that. And I also know I won't make it oustide, either. But thanks anyway.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 @ 11:17 PM
Just when I pretty much gave up... Danielle is back. She just walked through the door.
How do I feel about this? Don't know. I'm happy she's all right, and everything... but I really hoped I'd have the place to myself. Oh, well. It was good while it lasted.
Congratulations to those involved with U-High's Group Interp! I'm very happy for all of you. Congratulations especially to those who got All-Sectional Cast Awards.
I love when I make assumptions about someone and then I'm proved wrong! It makes my day. For instance, I've always had the impression that a certain person from my past was a shining example, an Eagle Scout, a pillar of morality. And guess where I ran into him last night? That's right, you guessed it, at a Mardi Gras Party! And he definitely seemed out of it. He even had beads on, and you know what that means. I don't even care that he's old enough to drink legally, it still made my night. For me, seeing him drunk was like
I hate when I'm upset with someone for a completely stupid reason. When I'm angry because they did something to hurt me, when I shouldn't be hurt, when I have no right to be hurt. I hate my own weakness, I'm disgusted with my own awkward vulnerability. I hate that I can't tell him why I'm upset, because he doesn't owe me anything, and he shouldn't have to keep parts of himself a secret to spare my feelings. I wouldn't, I couldn't, ask him to lie to me or censor his thoughts for my sake. So what am I left with? I get to pretend I don't care what he does. Because I don't want to care. I get to act like I'm stronger than I am. Because I want to be stronger. And he... he gets to keep acting like I don't matter to him. Because I don't.
Saturday, March 22, 2003 @ 11:40 AM
The last few months, I've been living with this couple I love their love, and I am thankful That someone actually received the prize we were promised --Bright Eyes
Friday, March 21, 2003 @ 1:18 PM
Friday, and still no word from Danielle. I talked to one of her friends who called for her last night, who told me even though she was only taking 12 hours, she was failing all her classes. All she ever did was study. It's times like this that make me hate my own smartness.
The Guerilla show this morning went very well. I made up a line on the spot, it was great. Instead of saying, "I actually voted for Nader in the last election," I said, "I'm apolitical, so I voted for my cat, Fluffy, in the last Presidential election..." My imaginary cat Fluffy would be a better world leader than W. And my actual cat, Little Foot? She would be like, 100x better than Bush! (I want to skin him and make him into a coat. An ugly coat.) Anyway, I got even more laughs with that line than I was expecting. Since I'm not funny, when I am funny, it feels a little miraculous. =)
Our next show is on Monday, on the second floor of Hamilton-Whitten, which is, like, my home turf. My R.A. is promoting it like crazy. I just wish we were doing "Follow the Script," which is my favorite script ('cause I play a Feminist!). We are doing "50/50" and "A Matter of Perspective," which both prominently feature moi. It would be a good show for my friends to come to and support me! And, it's Dan's first performance "back" with Guerilla again since the mono took him away. The show starts at 7:00. It's Monday. On the second-floor of Hamilton-Whitten. Be there.
Today, Michelle and I were getting lunch at Denny's (well, she drank coffee and I had some hash browns w/ ranch, 'cause we're both poor), and we decided to split a piece of Hershey's pie. And we got bad news: They're taking Hershey's pie off the menu! But here's the good part: They had one pie left, and they gave it to Michelle & I for FREE. We left our waitress $3, which doesn't sound like much but was a 100% tip.
Food tastes so much better when it's free!
Thursday, March 20, 2003 @ 9:26 PM
The GI show was very good! There were moments of extreme cheesiness, which tend to turn my stomach, and the more serious moments could have better, but overall, I enjoyed the show a lot. It was much better than I expected, especially since everyone in the cast seemed so worried and annoyed less than a week ago. I bought Angels in America (finally!) and also a book called Thinking Like a Director, which I contemplated buying the last time I was at BaNob. I also wanted a book called Building the Successful Theater Company, but it will have to wait.
And then we (Dan, Erin, Red, Seth, and myself) went to dinner at Watterson, which was much festive. When I got home, I realized the door wasn't locked, and squealed 'cause I thought for sure that meant that Danielle was home. But then when I got inside, she wasn't here! And her stuff doesn't look like it's been touched. So... I guess I just forgot to lock the door this morning, and she's still missing. I finished typing the script to Catholic Schoolgirls, and now I think I'm going to do some reading, and maybe play some games. Looks like Geena better get her skates on!
What a day! Some guy who looked like Jesus nearly ran me over with his car while I was walking to Spanish class!
I'm at work now, and bored... But excited about seeing the GI performance tonight. I have $48 to spend on books! =)
I have decided to be willfully ignorant of world events. I will not be watching, listening to, or reading the news. I just can't. It makes me feel helpless to prevent injustice and general doom, and I can't take it. As of now, I am hiding under a metaphorical rock in a metaphorical cave. I just became my own isolationist nation.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 @ 7:04 PM
I'm getting so sick of how my website looks. I've started sketches for a new version, but I haven't had much time to enact them yet. Tonight's project is the dreaded and nearly-forgotten Glossary Listings. I hate English. I don't care how good at it I am, I don't care that I'm getting an A. I shouldn't be majoring in something I don't find rewarding. It's actually the opposite of rewarding. It's... punishing!
Last night's Outing to Steak & Shake was very fun. El Jefe is still (jokingly) nagging me to 'sing for' him which I'm pretty sure is some kind of euphemism. (Long story.) It's funny if you're me. And it's probably connected to the Spring Fever that everyone's feeling... Oh, speaking of spring activities, I need to get back into crocheting, because lately Dan & Donnelle never stop knitting. They knitted on the quad for an hour, like a couple of little old ladies. And I'm told that Dan also serenaded Donnelle. I've been serenading myself all week as I walk around in this gorgeous weather. And yesterday, I walked out of class and said, "Beautiful! Gorgeous! Wish you were here!" Something about this week makes me want to send people postcards from Normal. =)
And in case you were wondering, Danielle is still not back.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 @ 7:09 PM
And it's 7pm on Tuesday, and Danielle is still not back from Spring Break. What the hell? Dan and Donnelle and I had dinner at Parrot's Echo tonight and started talking about (among other things) what I should do if she turns out to be dead. Dan was imagining my conversation with my academic advisor being something like, "Hey, I know my rights! I've seen Dead Man on Campus!" It's not like it's hard for me to get A's anyway, but it sure would be nice to have all the pressure off.
I'm going to feel so guilty if Danielle actually dies.
Wow. It's midnight, officially Tuesday. And still no sign of Danielle. Every time I hear footsteps in the hallway, I try to use my imaginary powers to prevent it from being her. My brain goes, Don't be Danielle! Don't be Danielle!. I'm not a horrible person just because I hope she's dropping out of school, right? I'm just a normal person, who likes to be able to sing along with the Corrs and dance like a lunatic without a roommate present to pass judgment, right?
I signed the NSE agreement today. Now all I have to do is get classes approved, and get housing... and make a stupid appointment with my stupid academic advisor... GRRR.
There's a performance tomorrow for Guerilla and I'm not sure I know all the lines I need to know. It bothers me how worried about this I'm not. =(
Monday, March 17, 2003 @ 12:58 AM
More good/interesting news about Binghamton:
"You can order late night delivery service until 1:00 am." And they're not talking about area restaurants. They're talking about dining services.
It's only 70 miles from Syracuse.
Paul Reiser graduated from Binghamton in 1977.
Sunday, March 16, 2003 @ 10:54 PM
I'd call you, if I thought you'd answer.
I'd call you, if you were the answer.
Saturday, March 15, 2003 @ 12:47 PM
Something amazing is happening to me.
I'm starting to forget high school. It's starting to get farther and farther away. Last year, I could name every show U-High had done in the past four years, and what I had done for each show. I had cast lists from freshman year memorized. But as I was trying to reconstruct resumes for the Shoes site, I realized I couldn't do it from memory anymore. It's not information I need, and my mind is getting rid of it, piece by piece. U-High is fading away.
Is it bad that I feel grateful?
Dinner with Friends was good. I was happy because Dan really liked it. I've been a fan of the script for a while now, and to be honest, I kept getting distracted by thinking how I would have done each scene differently and why. If I had known when I started directing that I was going to have a director's mindset for life... I would've done it anyway. Afterwards, we went to Steak & Shake, where I had my best meal in a month, and we sat around for what felt like an hour, trying to decide what to do next. We finally ended up at Katie Sebald's, where people were remarkably low-key. I finished the Funeral Play... Too bad it's about a month past the deadline! Oh, well.
Then Julie Fisher woke me up at 8 this morning, because she was stranded at the airport. Stupid fog. Stupid airports. Arrrgh. So I called my mom and she and Maddy took Julie home, then we went to breakfast. Then I got a haircut, then I came home and cleanedstarted to clean and got distracted. I invited people over this afternoon at three, but since so many people have work and things, I'm starting to think I'm going to be playing Fuzion Frenzy all by my lonesome. Ah, well. I'm better at being a hermit than a hostess any day.
Friday, March 14, 2003 @ 1:32 PM
I just hit 100 items on my Amazon Wish List.
The other night, I burned a CD for Red that included "Glass Vase Cello Case," and today I got this message from her:
"Do you remember watching But I'm a Cheerleader, deciding one of the gay guys was David Robinson? Back when we were more immortal than now? I loved that song... the first time I heard it on the cd, I just kind of stopped and listened. Very pleasant surprise. Eh, immortality is highly overrated."
Highly, indeed.
Last night, Dan and Julie and I tried to drive to U. of I. to see our Champaign-Urbana people. Unfortunately, the Jeep died on the road. We had to wait half an hour for her parents. Then we waited another forty minutes, with her parents, for the tow truck. Because they didn't want to leave the car alone. Then Ms. Fisher (aka Martha Stewart) fed us pasta, green grapes, and popcorn. Then Dan and Julie and I watched three episodes of "Buffy" at my place, drove Julie home, and then I started to watch another episode, alone, but I fell asleep.
And here I am at work. Again. When I came in, my mom was talking on the phone with my grandmother. It didn't look pretty. So, I'm expecting her to come talk to me any minute now. Also, Julie is supposed to stop by sometime today to get her cell phone from me. I decided I'm only going to work three hours today, as a special treat to myself for working every day this week. I picked three because then, when I leave, I'll have 25 hours for this week. It's what I used to work every week during the summer. (Strangely, I don't remember it being this hard.) I also worked 12 hours last week. So... yeah, today I'm giving myself time off for good behavior. =)
I'll go home and work on the These Aren't My Shoes website, then go see Dinner with Friends - we still have an extra seat, anyone? I can't believe no one wants to come with us, you all suck (not really) - and then come home and, most likely, start writing the horror movie.
Thursday, March 13, 2003 @ 9:58 AM
I called the National Student Exchange office today. They have my placement.
I'm going to SUNY Binghamton. It was my second choice.
In some ways this is good, because at Binghamton, I have a much better chance of getting on-campus housing, which I need 'cause I'm poor. And it's roughly a three hour drive away from Manhattan, but that just means it's that much closer to Montreal. Besides... the important thing is to get away. It's not necessarilly crucial where I get away to.
I'm a little bit disappointed, I was really hoping I would get into Stony Brook. It's the difference between being in Long Island and being in "upstate New York." But the important thing, really, is that I'm going somewhere. Else.
I feel strangely as though all the moisture has drained from my body. That probably isn't good. Oh, well.
Tonight was amazing. Seth and Red and I went to Maxwell Park. I was awash in nostalgia, and then the three of us started corn-knobbling. Seth showed Red and I a stream and a bridge and a dead garden. We all got nice and soggy and a little bruised. We made jokes about cooties. We threw sand at each other. And sitting on a park bench, surrounded by trees I knew like the back of my hand, I had a rare, sweet feeling. It was the feeling of being at home.
After the park, the three of us went to visit Dan at the newly-remodeled Gadzook's. Don't forget about the Friends & Family Sale this Saturday! Dan gets bonus points if you show up with his coupons, and if he wins a prize, he'll share it with you! (Note: That's a lie.)
The four of us watched the Pilot of My So-Called Life and I burned six of Seth's CD's, including two by First Grade Crush, and the soundtrack to Nightmare Before Christmas. After Seth left, Red and Dan and I decided to go on a pilgrimage for cheese. After cheese-eating and subsequent rejoicing, we dropped Red off and Dan and I watched episode 14 of MSCL. Then I played JSRF for about fifteen minutes... I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do next, it's frustrating.
Anyway, Dan just left, and I'm listening to music on the Xbox. I thought I would get to do that more than I have this semester. Who could've known that my roommate would be one of those wallflower types who never leaves the room? Not me. Seriously, though, this week makes me think I should keep trying to get a single. I don't care how small they are, life is just hard when you have to share a room with another person.
I dropped acid on a Saturday night, just to see what the fuss was about... There goes the neighborhood...
Wednesday, March 12, 2003 @ 2:13 PM
The Latest Waste of Time: Googlism.
My favorite results came from typing in my own name, Julie Fisher, Megan Dougherty, and Rob Carroll. Unfortunately, it doesn't think Dan or Seth exist. =(
Okay, prepare yourself, I'm about to become an even bigger dork than you already think I am. I'm going to briefly discuss the weather. IT'S SO WARM! I have never been so grateful for the beginning of spring. Of course, knowing central Illinois, it'll snow six inches tomorrow. But this weather makes me want to go to the park and swing on the swings, and run around throwing sand at my loved ones.
Last night, I finally watched The Ring. Dan and David Nolan showed up at my door and were like, "Wanna go to Jodie's and watch The Ring?" I got to see Eric, and Ginny! And the movie... Oh, my LORD! With the scary! That little girl was so evil! I was sitting there wimpering and shaking, on the verge of tears towards the end. Afterwards, Eric took Dan and I to his place to see his shiny Corvette, which I can only describe as "swoon-worthy." I know nothing whatsoever about cars, but Eric's Corvette is a thing of beauty. Then the three of us got drunk and watched Super Troopers. It was, in Eric's words, "lame, but fun." It was just nice to be around Eric again, I missed him greatly. Oh, and I told him that Julie Fisher became a vegetarian. And he said, "Ha! I finally converted someone. Not the person I expected to..."
I'm back at work again, drinking a flat Pepsi, eating some fig newtons. I'm going to try to stay here straight until 4:30. I plan to take frequent breaks for both Internet usage and wandering around the building. Tonight, I want to organize a trip to Maxwell Park. Tomorrow, I'm heading to U. of I. to visit high school friends. Friday, I'm going to see Dinner with Friends. We still have one extra seat reserved... Anybody? It's a really good play! Saturday, I'm having people over to my dorm, cerca 3pm, all are invited. There will be board games, Xbox, movies, and a complete absence of alcohol, I promise. Sunday, I will spend in mourning because Spring Break will be ending and I'll have to go back to a life of classes, Guerilla, and club meetings. Guugh.
That's the place you shut your eyes and hid your ugly scars God forbid if word got out about your house of cards
Tuesday, March 11, 2003 @ 1:38 PM
I'm at Rambo House, drinking a Pepsi, listening to 88.1, and waiting for Dan to call me so we can go eat and see a man about an apartment. When I woke up this morning, I felt really sick to my stomach, so I stayed in bed, and ended up coming to work today at 11. Which, you know, is progress, but I think I can do better. How do I survive the boredom, you ask? Well, there are ample distractions (things to play with on the Internet, co-workers, the radio, etc.)... Meh! I'm really hungry! Grrrr, hungry! Mmmm, children!
Last night, Julie came over and we watched the Pilot of My So-Called Life. Shortly after she left, Dan called me. We went to Wal-Mart and bought pepperoni, honey nut Cheerio's, yarn, etc. We gawked at freakishly large apples. Some nice produce lady gave us a free sample of some kind of hybrid fruit. Then we stopped by Katie Sebald's. Justin Lomelino was sleeping, and Rob and some miscellaneous guy were playing a game. Katie and I had a chance to catch up a little. Justin was going to come over for cheese, crackers, and pepperoni, but he ended up just going home. There's still a lot of pepperoni and cheese in the mini-fridge, so the offer still stands. Dan and I watched some crazy show called "Let's Bowl" where ordinary people bowl to settle arguments and win cheap and crappy prizes. What a premise.
Oh, and I still have one more ticket reserved for Friday night's performance of Dinner with Friends at Heartland. (Dan and Steve, I've already got you guys.) The first person to reach me can have the extra spot. Show's either at 7 or 7:30... I have very high expectations for the performance, since I really enjoy the script.
What's with people who aren't me spending Spring Break in New York? First Josh, now PJZ. Envy infects me! I'm currently coveting both of them. I hope I find out soon what school I'm going to, the uncertainty is making me a little insane. There's just something very eerie about not knowing where I'll be in a year. I remember this bothering me last year, too, but not as much, because I was in such deep denial.
Entries seem longer since the whole "blogs-weren't-working-for-a-while" crisis. Maybe it's because I've been writing from work, where there's nothing else productive to do. Or, you know, maybe I just never tire of expressing myself. Seems I never get enough of me... and all that.
::sigh:: Dan...? I'm sending you psychic messages that say, "Hurry. I'm bored and hungry!"
Monday, March 10, 2003 @ 3:47 PM
I just read through all my old quotes. While almost all of them are still very funny, these were the ones that made me laugh out loud:
"I'll never look at an orange peeler the same way again." --Seth
Funny because: Improv Mafia plays a game called "Fucked-Up Charades" in which they charade everyday activities, but then replace three of the actual items with other things. In this case, the improv-ers acted out "masturbation" but instead of Joe's hand, it was... you guessed it, an orange peeler.
"That's why Jesus invented shoes!" --Dan
Funny because: Dan said this to me when we were in the park rehearsing the BBYD re-mount and I stepped on something sharp in my bare feet. Also, because as far as I know, Jesus did not invent shoes. =)
So, I went to Wisconsin & Chicago, with Julie Fisher. It was a lot of fun, and a lot of getting lost. And I'm serious when I say It was not my fault. I realize I have no sense of direction, but I share blame for all the getting-losted-ness: 1.) Julie Fisher drives fast. She won't slow down when she's lost and look around. I don't know why, I do that all the time, despite the way it annoys other people on the road. 2.) Our map of downtown Chicago was less than helpful. Only every 1/20 streets is even on the map. 3.) We had the car instead of the Jeep. If we had been in the Jeep, it would have made perfect sense to say, "Turn South." 4.) Most of the times we got lost or off track were times when I had no input whatsoever. For instance, in Brookfield. Julie was the one who had been there before, and we had no map.
On our trip, we encountered a ridiculous amount of snow, enormous hospitality from friends of her parents, Stick, who kept us amused with his plans for U-High's next reunion, more beads than even Martha Stewart needs (actual Martha Stewart or Julie's mom, take your pick), an ice cream store called Kopp's (amusing to me since "Kops" is one of my more obscure nicknames), several small theatres, a hell of a lot of cheese, and (after a few hours of wandering downtown Chicago) the Act I bookstore. (I was a huge dork. I walked in and said something along the lines of, "I really appreciate what you're doing," and they just stared at me, puzzled, and said, "We're closing in fifteen minutes.") We found Jon, and then we went for stuffed pizza. Pizza was a big theme this weekend... Then we drove home. I would have been happy to have spent the entire weekend, or better, the entire week in Chicago. But alas, here I am at Rambo House, writing a 'blog entry that no one can read because my journal is down for some unknown reason.
I'm really sleepy, too, because Julie and I watched the entirety of season three of "Buffy" last night. I think I slept somewhat through the last four or five episodes, so I'm going to watch those again sometime this week. Julz and I decided to write a play, and we spent some time brainstorming. This makes three would-be collaborative writing projects on my plate at the moment. I can't decide what I want to to do tonight... Work on the Shoes site, work on typing up Catholic Schoolgirls, work on the horror movie, or work on mine & Julie's new project. Oooh, plus, I want to see people this week! And rent movies! Possibly get drunk and play some board games. And play the Sims. I want to do stuff I don't have time for when school is going on.
You know, it's funny, I save half the voice messages I get. I don't know why I like having so many saved messages, but they're so fun to listen to. It's great, because any time I feel like it, I can hear the voice of people who love me. Here are a quick run-down of the messages I've saved:
Hey, Kellie, this is Seth. I don't know if you're still at rehearsal or something or whatever... but I was just trying to get ahold of you to see what's up this evening... And if you're not busy, or can get to me within the next hour at work, I'll be here until six, or you can try me at home... Talk to you later, bye.
Hey, Kells, it's me. I'm just calling to see where I should meet you today for lunch... Um, I'll call back again later and find out for sure. See ya, babe.
Hey, Kellie, it's Josh. It is 9:30. I am on my way over to Mr. Vittitoe's residence, so if you'd like to give me a call back, that would be fabulous. This is Josh by the way. So... I hope you have a great time, and I'll call you soon. 'Bye.
Hey, Kells, it's Dan. It's 11:20. Eric and Megan and David I think and maybe some other people in the crowd were all going to go see the movie Old School... I can call one of them, and they can give you a ride. So if you, you know, call me back within five minutes - you better get on it! - I can make them give you a ride... So... 'bye.
Hey, this is Seth. I got your message. Um... I hope you have a good time this weekend... and I'll probably talk to you some later... Anyways... yeah, I'll talk to you Sunday, 'Bye.
Hey, Kellie Belly! What's up? I equals Dan! I was just wondering if we were gonna hang out or whatever...! Okay? So maybe I'll call your other place of residence for you. Okay, 'bye.
Hey, Kells, it's Michelle. It's like 9:15 on Saturday... I was just wondering... Since we're both on Spring Break this week! Whee! Spring Break this week. Do something. Yes. Would be fun. You love me! ...This is so random, sorry, I've had way too much coffee this weekend... Give me a call back sometime, I should be home all day, my parents are mad at me again... nothing major... I was going to come visit you tonight, but I decided I should give you some advance notice or something, and then I was like, hey, she's not even at her dorm... Anyway, and I heart you, 'bye.
Hey, Kellie, it's Dan. It's 6:53 I just got out of work... and uh, yeah... I called your house, you weren't there... So I'm leaving a message on your cell phone, currently. So... call me back? I don't know... 'Bye.
You probably didn't enjoy reading those nearly as much as I enjoyed listening to them twice to get all (most) of the words right. I listen to my voice messages and I can't help but feel... kinda special. 'Cause I'm loved.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003 @ 10:50 PM
Improv Mafia was super-spectacular tonight. It was made even better because Justin was there! Improv Mafia received Justin's seal of approval. He laughed at a lot of things that "the old Justin" (which is probably a figment of my own imagination, I realize my shortcoming in this arena) wouldn't have found amusing. Afterwards, Erin, Jeff, Donnelle, Dan, Justin and I all went to Watterson for smoothies, et cetera. For the most part, it was super-spiffy-ophilis.
::censors herself::
And now... I'm going to work on the These Aren't My Shoes website. If you'd like to take a look at our logo, you can now do so. Thanks, Seth! You're my heeeeero!
Tomorrow, I'm having lunch with my old posse. Justin, Michelle, and me, at Denny's. Suddenly, this painful and crazy time of year is looking up. Lunch and road trips with my old school friends, a week off of school (where I get to... work every day... yay?) and of course, the lovely, the wonderful, the hormonal... Spring Fever. ... Where do I get my innoculation? (Oh, yeah, that's right. Behind the couch.)
::forgets to erase those last couple sentences of inside jokes::
::muses that I'm now getting a little ridiculous with the colons::
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::end scene::
Guerilla had a show last night and it went relatively well, but the audience had no energy and pretty soon, neither did half the cast. I hate performing for people who wish they were somewhere else. Benji said, "That reminded me way too much of high school." Guerilla is not real theatre. How am I going to survive until this summer?
Well, Spring Break, that's how. I'm psyched. J-Fish and I are leaving at 4:00 on Friday, we're heading to Wisconsin and then to Chicago, we'll return sometime very late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. I'm going to be working every day 9-4, which means I will have MONEY. I have lots of projects I have to finish/start/think about, some school-related, most of them not.
Today, I was in Spanish class, and for some reason, I started thinking about the Justin/Kellie/Melissa/miscellaneous other people Spanish videos! I remembered when we got Justin's dog, Cassie, to attack him (she was supposed to be "un raton grande como una vaca" or a rat as big as a cow)... or when we nearly got kicked off the grounds of Ewing Manor... or when Melissa talked to herself after I quit... OK, I'll stop now, since none of you have any idea what I'm talking about.
Today, we took a field trip for my English class. My group and I skipped out early because it was so incredibly boring - I mean, because J.J. had a class... We - minus Melinda - went to lunch at Watterson, and J.J. was late to her class. "What?" she said, "We had a field trip, we got back late." What does this tell you? That's right. Exploit weak systems whenever possible. At lunch, we talked about who we would sue if suddenly we could sue someone for "false hopes." Liz & J.J. said they'd sue their ex-boyfriends, I said I'd sue the guys who flirted with me, got me to like them, and then turned out to not even like me in the first place. I wouldn't demand all their money though. Just... you know, dinner and a movie. =)
The phrase of the week is: O wilst thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Monday, March 03, 2003 @ 11:17 AM
I never thought you'd be a junkie, 'cause heroin is so passe.
My work is dull, and so is your mom. My mom has a birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mom. (She doesn't read this page, but still.) Dan and I were just talking about boring guys, like the ones on his floor who have nothing interesting to say and hang around, sponging off Dan & Jeff. Cool guys are so rare, I'm really lucky to have so many in my life.
I've been talking to Kat, too. And I've decided something: Confidences are infinitely better than gossip. I mean, just think about it. Would you rather hear something from the person directly, or filtered through the grapevine? I think, actually, the only time gossip is fun is when it's about people who you don't know. The best gossip I can remember are things I heard about "shining examples" and their cute little falls from grace... In some ways, I'm petty and vindictive. =)
Did you know there are drugs that can make your sweat smell like maple syrup? Just another fun fact from the writers of Six Feet Under.
Sunday, March 02, 2003 @ 11:34 PM
The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated.
So... A whole new season of Six Feet Under started tonight. It's so great that Donnelle loves it too! Oh, and I found her LiveJournal, which is tres amusing if anyone's interested.
It's amazing how little it takes to make me happy. Like discovering that I have something in common with someone else. Whether it's big or small, shared frame of reference just seems so magical... I'm a dork. I feel introspective, but good. I can and will get through this week, and then I have Spring Break. I will start this Spring Break with a trip to Wisconsin & Chicago with my lifelong friend Julie Fisher. We will scour the urban countryside in search of beads and adventure. Vague plans make me smile. They're plans, which is good, 'cause they're something to look forward to. And they're vague, which is good, because there's an element of spontaneity (sp?).
Y'know what's also pretty sweet? When you think to yourself, "I could get all stressed out and angsty. But... why?"
Saturday, March 01, 2003 @ 12:59 AM
Tonight I saw Entrances & Exits at NCHS with Steve. Kathy was really good in it, especially as the Dancer and as Emily in Our Town - just adorable. Apparently, Ms. Mischler (sp?), the NCHS drama guru woman is retiring after 33 years of faithful service. I had never seen her before, and she was wearing hooker boots. So... yeah! ...More importantly, Kathy is on board, more specifically on the Shoes exec board. Huzzah, that makes four of us!
I was going to do homework and go to sleep early, instead I watched Return to Oz with Donnelle & Dano. It is a very dark and scary children's movie. I think from now on I'm going to have to seek out weird children's movies, and it will be the next genre I get obsessed with... I really want to work on the Shoes website, but I have-have-have to sleep, 'cause I have to get up at seven and perform with Guerilla. I don't think I can be a good feminist and save the world on any less than six hours of sleep. And as priorities go, instilling feminism in eleven-year-olds is up there pretty high... =)
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