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Friday, February 28, 2003 @ 11:52 AM
Last night I went to see Skriker which was confusing but neat from an artistic point of view. Then I went to see Penguin Blues about half an hour later. Nick Izzo and I talked about the possibility of OD'ing on theatre, and sure enough, after Penguin Blues (which was about a nun in rehab) was over, I did feel a little mono-syllabic. I'm going to see another show tonight, at NCHS, something that Kathy's in or directed... I'm not sure which... And then, Saturday, I think I'm going to a drag show. New experiences, that's what college is all about, right? Like having people draw on your knees and show you their poetry for no reason, or having a cashier mistake you and your friend for sisters... Or being told, "You have bouncy hair today." Yay surrealness.
I could slip out of this being like having the covers pulled off of me in the morning when you leave
I wrote that in Spanish, isn't it cute? ::Sigh:: I should be working... Chelle's picking me up in about 15 minutes, oooh, plus special surprise guest Dano!, and we're going to get lunch. Huzzah Denny's. I hope Megan will collaborate with me on the Denny's/Gossip Play... =)
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 @ 11:00 PM
Tonight, I went to the Thespian's open mic night at The Coffeehouse. I guess it went all right, since they made about $40... but, in a lot of ways, it was like Ted, only worse... Most people hadn't practiced, and the audience didn't want to listen. Thetard practically begged me to read something, so I recited "Fixing Her Hair." And Dan wrote a beautiful and very funny piece called, "I am deeply sorry for..." which hopefully will be available on his website very soon.
::Sigh:: It's over.
The workshop really went pretty well. Small turn-out... It really helped to have Dan there, he was great. Six people in the first session, and about twelve in the second. Some surprises...some new faces. I think people really enjoyed my references to Thetard. =) I'm not sure if they actually learned anything, but, you know, I think they probably had fun. And hopefully, I piqued their interest in TAMSP and I'll have a good turn-out at auditions. Justin Palm brought to my attention that there's a trip to Europe that will take place at the end of May through the beginning of June. I think this is going to screw up my time-table... ::freaks out quietly... it begins::
I need to go to work, and then to classes... And I don't want to. ::double sigh::
Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by our night manager Lucas. This young man will be caught, dipped in a vat of hot oil and served to our first one hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang here at Empire Records.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 @ 9:59 PM
Dammit, I'm an idiot. I just deleted my whole entry for today. And I'm way too lazy to re-type it. I'll summarize: Workshop tomorrow, little nervous, bringing Dan, and Katie will be there, so all will be well. Seth designed a logo for the company, it's very cute and on my wall. Overwhelmingly importantly... Projects! Infinitely excited! ...God... I've missed this feeling.
Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
Monday, February 24, 2003 @ 12:11 PM
When I read Over-Rated, I can't help but wonder if there's someone out there, silently reading my 'blog and finding themselves strangely moved. Why are the words of strangers more powerful than the words of friends? In people we don't know, ambiguity and incompleteness of thought is beautiful, but the same traits in those we love just... pisses us off.
I've been at work for almost two hours, and I think I'm going to leave soon, because I'm hungry. It's amazing how unproductive I can get away with being. I don't do nearly enough to justify them paying me, even though they only pay me minimum wage. Seriously, I spend 40% of my time working, and 60% browsing, reading, writing, and zoning out. The little voice in my head just kinda shakes its head and says, "You suck." I'm not sure how a disembodied voice can shake its head, but this one does. And with a look, it says, "I am so disappointed in you." I think it wants me to feel guilty... well, it won't work! Damn the man! Save the empire!
I don't feel I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Shoeboxia is now classified by the UN as a "Civil Rights Lovefest." This amuses me way more than is probably healthy.
I had such an amazingly good night last night. Not flawless, but really good. I'm still kind of confused about that whole... trying to be my real self versus trying to be who I want to be... deal... That's hard... And then, Steph had a really bad night, fortunately she called Dan and I so she was in good hands. We cheered her up, at least somewhat, with strawberries and a bad movie and lots of affection. You know, something I should ask myself is... why do I so despise vulnerability in myself, yet tolerate an endless amount from other people? Vulnerability only annoys me when I'm the one exhibiting it. In fact, I tend to be drawn to guys who I think are vulnerable, it's pratically up there on the sexy list along with facial hair and sense of humor. I feel weird on both ends of the comforting these days. I feel really annoyed with myself when I need comforting, and I feel really scared whenever I'm the person in the room who's life is going well... in some way, I feel like I don't deserve that.
I ended up not being able to sleep very well last night... I think I started to get nervous about my speech... Today I need to have a visual aid made, work for about two hours, go to Spanish, give my speech, go to math, and go to choir, then to FMLA. I probably won't see the inside of my dorm room until about 9:00 tonight. This depresses me. Also, I read Five Women... again last night and I'm having second thoughts. So, my agenda just became slightly more tentative... and I don't deal with tentative very well. I'm a planner. But never mind that for now, I have today's "If" question.
If you were stranded on a desert island and could have only one piece of music to listen to, what would it be?
CB, all the way. Carmina Burana. I think I could listen to it for years upon end.
Sunday, February 23, 2003 @ 4:40 PM
OK, since I missed so many days of "If" questions, I'm going to attempt to make up for it. I'm going to answer a bunch of the easier ones. Don't forget, you are expected to respond, in comments, with your own answers. =)
If you could have chosen your own first name, other than your current one, what would it be?
Abbigail. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with The Truth About Cats & Dogs, the name "Abby" has taken on this wonderful connotation for me, it doesn't necessarilly make a lot of sense. The thing is, I really hate "Kellie" as a name, because it seems like such a cheerleader name. Kelly Kapowski from "Saved by the Bell," Kelly Bundy from "Married with Children," et cetera. Plus, I knew a guy in Lexington who's name was Kelly, who used to steal cigarrettes and torture cats. So, yeah. Bad connotations.
If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would you give up?
That's so easy. Smell. I practically don't have it anyway, what with the frequent head colds and allergies and anosmia. As far as I can tell, it's the most worthless of all the senses.
If you could invent something that currently does not exist, what would it be?
Hmmm... Either tupperware with a combination lock (thanks Dan) or... Glow in the dark playing cards, for nocturnal feudalism.
If you had to change citizenship, which country would you want to become a citizen of?
Canada. Because they're clean and have lots of pinecones. And their government isn't trying to kill its own people. It seems very safe there.
WELL! What a night. Seth and Dan listened to me go over the workshop script, and it was over-time, but not by as much as I feared, so I cut a lot from it. And felt very, very sad, because cutting my examples was like stepping on small fluffy things against my will... =( Oh, and Jeff had a nightmare evening. He spent about an hour waiting for a cab when he finally gave up and called Dan, Seth, and I. On our way to pick him up, Seth got pulled over. (And we're talking, like, a two-block distance between where Seth was parked and where Jeff was, so, yeah, what're the chances, for serious?) Jeff saw us get pulled over, and ran to the police car to explain that it was all his fault and try to help Seth get out of a ticket, but they weren't going to give him one anyway, they were nice. (Strange, new experience for Kellie. Nice cops, I mean. Not being in the car with people when they get pulled over, that's like, a pretty common occurence.) So, anyway, poor Jeff, got screwed by the cab company, didn't get to where he was going, and freaked out needlessly.
Then we watched One Hour Photo. How incredibly creepy! I can't believe they managed to sustain that level of creepy for so long... And then, they went to sleep, and Seth and I talked some more about the upcoming These Aren't My Shoes Production Three Days of Rain... and I read the script of Five Women Wearing the Same Dress again... And realized how many projects I have to do in the next few months and almost started to freak out, but instead, went to sleep.
I have so much to do today, it isn't remotely funny. But I plan to take frequent breaks from being productive. Because I'm like that. Perezosa.
Friday, February 21, 2003 @ 11:45 AM
Note: The following two posts are probably not interesting. I reccommend you skip down to the one that starts "I love when I do completely stupid things..."
Sometimes I just amaze myself with the way my brain works. My stream-of-consciousness has been all over the place today. Since I didn't sleep, I thought about No Exit - more specifically, how I feel when I don't sleep and how I might feel if I could never sleep again... and then I thought about Unitarian youth group, which I used to go to and talk and learn things, and Eva's parents... first her dad, and how he wanted us to do a show in a juvenile detention center and I was gung ho but he lacked follow-through, and about how his mom called Josh's plans a dream and he wanted to kill her but didn't... and then I thought about the novel I wrote this summer (not so surprising since Seth and I were discussing it last night) and I thought about all the projects I want to do this month, some of which are as follows: Get the TAMSP website up & running, plus a completely new version of NB, learn to transplant and edit the footage shot on my digital camcorder (finally), write the horror movie Dan and I planned, edit the novel, combine three of my original one-acts into one full-length play... write the Denny's Play and the one about the characters that come to life... There was more, but I can't think of them right now. I should probably limit myself to three projects for March and one for April (since studying for Finals is a project in and of itself). Then after that, I'll be directing shows. So if it doesn't get done by this summer, it probably won't get done for a long while. Knowing me. Wow, this was all really random and probably not interesting.
Damn, that "If" question thing didn't last long, huh? I'll try to remember to post questions from now on... Unfortunately I don't have the book with me...
Random Thought: I'm still a drama queen! Just to a lesser extent... I used to muse about burning things or killing myself when I got upset. These days when I'm over-reacting to something, I toy with the idea of deleting my 'blog.
I love when I do completely stupid things that I wouldn't undo for anything. Seth came over... about 7.5 hours ago. And we talked, for about 7.5 hours. It was an endless conversation, mostly having to do with or at least in some way connected to theatre and/or writing. I decided about 2.5 hours ago that I wasn't going to sleep, that it made more sense to just stay up and go to work at 8... Tres bizarre... I have more energy right now than I've had all week. Maybe I was over-sleeping...? Oooh, and I get to eat lunch with Michelle today, which I'm ridiculously excited about. I miss people!
I think I've finally arrived at some decisions. This is what I want to direct this summer: Catholic School Girls. Three Days of Rain.
Every time I think about directing again, it's like the little light inside of me switches on. I would compare it to either a religious or very satisfying sexual experience.
Seth made some very interesting suggestions for the workshop on Wednesday. I only hope I have the courage to use them. =) Seth and Dan seem just a bit worried that I'm going to bore the U-High kids. On the other hand, Justin's input was, "They signed up for a workshop about theatre. They're going to care about whatever you have to say." Makes sense... I don't know, I think it'll be a good time for all, as long as people volunteer and discuss and participate. Plus, as long as he's feeling better, Dan will be there. And anything Dan is at is pretty much guaranteed to be spiffy espatula... Speaking of Dan... I read his 'blog entry today. I lobe you Dan. I'm going to miss you unbearably. Especially every time I tell someone that they got their comeuppance. For def. Every time I'm feeling Marcy, I'll think of those damn Mongolians, or how Norway is part of Asia, or how "Everything's funnier with oven mitts," or kittens scampering to freedom... I'll think of you and smile a wide smile that has no verbal equivalent.
Ha. My alarm clock just went off. Hehe. I'm off to work, where I'll probably Jonas some more office supplies for my collection. I really don't want to go to work, it's so cryful it makes me want to times someone's two. Just ask your mom. Unfortunately, work is requiredsville Kentucky. Avenue. For I am an errant knave. FISH!
Thursday, February 20, 2003 @ 3:04 PM
Panic considerably reduced, as it seems the other kids in my English group are carrying Mike & I. =) Still have lots of work to do this weekend. Still feel incredibly tired, despite how much sleep I get. Still have lots of pain in jaw, plus a fever. That's four days now. And today my voice left me for about three hours. It's back now but still not quite normal. I keep running into people I know. I saw John G. and he's got a buzz cut... (Did he always have a buzz cut? I don't remember.) He had a jacket and sunglasses and almost looked good. I was alarmed. I also saw Ricky and Katie H. I keep running into my psycho ex, which scares me. I'd be happy if he just locked himself in his room for eternity. Whenever he sees me, he gives me this big smile, and "How are you?" and my skin screams, "Get away from me before I call the police!" This is probably not the most mature reaction, but I can't help it.
Tomorrow I get to have lunch with Michelle! Yay! And... work at Rambo for five hours (although not in a row) to catch up on skipping work for three days this week. This is considerably less "yay" worthy. Oh, and there's nice weather, which makes the mail-run far less Hellish. Although I feel so tired and out of it that I ran headfirst into a door today. Could whoever borrowed my brain please return it? I'm willing to be that I need it more than you do!
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 @ 12:40 PM
So, I got that pesky wisdom tooth yanked out of my skull early Monday morning. It was funny, because the hygenist person told me, "Don't suck on anything." And before I could come up with something witty and gross to say (like "Oh, I guess I should cancel my date tonight") she added, "Like, a straw." Right, sure. Like a straw. I watched "Law & Order" and then went to Spanish and to Com with bloody gauze in my mouth. The feeling started to come back and my jaw hurt like hell, so I blew off math and choir (now I've skipped each of those twice). I just realized this morning that I have crazy amounts of projects coming up, and I'm starting to freak out. I have math homework to catch up on. An entire chapter of the Spanish workbook is due on Thursday. I have a speech to give on Monday, I have a big researchy project due Tuesday, and I have Teen Institute Day on Wednesday, and I have so much research and writing and practicing to do, but I'm in quite a bit of pain, and it's impossible to concentrate. All I want to do is sleep, instead I have to go to classes and Guerilla and try to get my work done on time. Grrrr, arrrrgh!
Saturday, February 15, 2003 @ 10:15 PM
Quick thought (and it's not mine, I stole it): "Grief is the skin we wear, and joy is that skin also."
How evil are you?
I just read my last entry and thought, "Wow, I'm weird. When did I get so weird?" I must've been hormonal.
I got to see Renata, Steve, Rob, and Eliz last night, they came to the show and saw me working the Feminist Propaganda Table. Renata brought me a Soundtrack (of doom) and a letter all about T.I. day. They want me to show up at 8:00. Next thing you know, they'll have me dressing up, too. Grrr, arrgh, you people are lucky I love you so much.
Vicadin is my friend, and this weekend rocks my socks. I'm going to go play now.
Friday, February 14, 2003 @ 1:45 PM
So today's V-Day. Vagina Day and no-Violence Day to some of us. "Worship Jeff Day" to a very, very select few. Valentine's Day to many, many more people. I got a package of those candy hearts that taste like paste from Kathy at work. Nice, huh? I think I'll leave them by Jeff's door as offerings.
So far today, I've been to an anti-war rally and to lunch with Michelle. All I want to do is go home and take some serious pain medicine, maybe play the Sims or work on stuff for the upcoming workshop. But, I at least have to show up to Com. and hand in something called an artifact. I think I'm blowing off math though, I feel pretty wretched. My jaw aches and that's the least of my problems. Fate is not without a sense of humor, it seems, for I woke up on V-Day feeling as though I was bleeding to death. Maybe we're all bleeding to death, but we don't know it. Or maybe we know it, but we've been taught to walk around as though nothing is wrong. So we do.
All I have planned for this weekend is crewing for The Vagina Monologues. And working on reseach, the workshop, and crying for the lost beauty of my own life. (I'm pretty sure that last one was a joke.)
Some things come to he who waits But all is lost if you hesitate And I was never one to wait You'll know you were loved
You can hire great lawyers, you can speak to your friends You can say he did this and that some things don't change Unwrap the present and burn the remains But you'll know you were loved
Even when you sleep at night Inside your heart will cry You can never say goodbye When you know you were loved
--Lou Reed, "You'll Know You Were Loved"
Thursday, February 13, 2003 @ 10:50 PM
Steph and I went to visit Dan. He is very, very ill. He can't talk very well because his whole jaw is swollen. He also believes he has a sinus infection, in addition to the mono. On the plus side, I got to spend some q-time with my Stops, always a joy. She told me as we look for our summer place, we have to keep in mind that she will not move in unless accompanied by her dragon. I think we're going to have to tell our landlord that it's a gecko. 'Cause "dragon" just sounds scary.
An update on Shoeboxia: We are now classified by the UN as a "Scandinavian Liberal Paradise."
"The Free Land of Shoeboxia is a small, socially progressive nation, notable for its absence of drug laws. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 9 million enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level social equality free of the usual accompanying government corruption. The enormous government concentrates mainly on Social Welfare, although Public Transport and Education are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 33%, but much higher for the wealthy. A large private sector is led by the Woodchip Exports industry, followed by Gambling and Soda Sales. Scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys, the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes, and cars are banned. Crime is well under control. Shoeboxia's national animal is [still] the penguin, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is [still] the theon."
I have an English test at 11:00, and I'm hoping for a miracle. As soon as I'm done here, though, I am going to go study. But first, today's "If" question:
If you could eliminate any one type of insect permanently from the earth, what would you get rid of?
This is easy. I would eliminate misquitoes. They spread malaria. They're bloodsuckers. I'm sure the eco-system needs them and everything, but I figure, we'll adjust.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003 @ 9:58 AM
Whatever you do, don't make out with Dano. He's got mono. Pobrecito, his parents took him home for a week. To Chenoa. My plan is to call him daily. And possibly bring him my Xbox if he says he's bored.
So, last night started to shape up, eventually. Erin came over, and we watched Buffy, and it was good. And then we went to Improv Mafia, and it was good. And then I convinced Seth to come pick us up and take us to Borders and buy me presents. Well, a present. I bought Jennifer Government which I don't have time to read, but I will anyway. And Seth bought The "If" Book for me. It's actually called, "If..." (Questions for the Game of Life). I plan to post a question daily, and then answer it for myself. You are all asked to respond in Comments.
This is actually something Dan and I have talked about before, so... how appropriate.
If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be, and why?
I'm sticking with my old answer, the ability to become invisible whenever I want. And this would include the ability to turn things that I touch invisible at will. This would be useful both in fighting crime and in everyday life. For instance, I wouldn't be seen sneaking into class late. Or, when my cell phone starts ringing in class, I'd simply turn myself and it invisible and make a hasty exit. That kind of thing. And I would be so useful for recon. I would join a gang of super-heroes and that would be my job. Recon. I can't be expected to fight things, though, because I'd have no fighting skills. That's something from my life that I have no intentions of ever trying to change. Oh, and my weapon of choice would be a keychain with mace and a pocket knife, just like in real life. =) I'm not sure what my super-hero name would be, but I was thinking something like UberGhost. What? ...I think it sounds cool...
Can you tell I'm in a better mood today?
Tuesday, February 11, 2003 @ 3:06 PM
You turn your pretty head if it gets real... And your eyes look so lonely But it's only when you think about me... All you want is something I can't be -- Goo Goo Dolls
Well, today isn't really going well, but honestly, I have only myself to blame.
Monday, February 10, 2003 @ 9:48 PM
I am 53% Tortured Artist 
Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world. Are You a Tortured Artist?
What's new today? Well, V-Day (Vagina Day, no-Violence Day) is approaching and I'm sickened by how often I have to explain that yes, we need a Vagina Day. No, we don't need a Penis Day. Every day is Penis Day. Think about it. And if that doesn't work, put yourself in a woman's shoes, then think about it. (And I might just mean literally. Have you ever wondered what sadistic bastard designed high heels? See, I have a sense of humor.)
I woke up feeling wretched this morning, and it didn't get much better. Almost everything that's bothering me is stuff I don't feel even remotely justified in complaining about, which just compounds the issue(s). God, it's fucking hard to be an adult. You're constantly weighing short-term versus long-term happiness. And on the one side, you've got that whole "No Day but Today" philosophy. And then you have that whole, "Fucking Grow Up" philosophy, that stands in almost direct opposition. I'm sure none of that made any sense, to anyone, on any level, and I apologize.
I think I was cranky for almost 15 hours straight today. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll wake up happy and able to use my brain. If only I could get really drunk and write some poetry. Or have myself some green Jello. I think that would help.
You know, NationStates won't let you start a war with another country. I feel that that sucks. And I just started thinking about the war between Vasconia (Josh's site) and Pandesia (Todd's site), back in the day. It really made me want to declare war on someone's website. But, then I'd feel like W. because I'd be starting a war for no reason. So... if someone else wants to declare war on my site, that'd be great, because then I'd be justified in striking back. I'm not sure if we'd actually fight for anything, or how we would, you know, win or lose... but I think it might be fun.
"Why does our bottle need an anti-aircraft weapon?" "We must defend The Bottle!" -- Kellie and Justin L., Leaders of the Moderate Bottle
Sunday, February 09, 2003 @ 8:10 PM
So, what a strange weekend. Friday night, I watched A Goofy Movie (which I haven't seen since I took my brother to see it in the fifth grade) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which I have practically memorized, and it's scary) with Dan, Donelle, and Jeff. We had supremely good times. I got about six hours of sleep, and then went to a super-surreal U-High Regionals. Congratulations to the entire Speech Team, even those of you who didn't do as well as you would have liked. It's better to compete and lose than to... have your Saturdays free. At least, this is the premise that my participation in Speech Team was based on... before they started paying me...
Saturday night, I went to Theatre of Ted for the first time this semester. Megan Hannah and I had a good time in the front row. There were a lot of boring skits, it was upsetting. People just went on and on and on. Augh! Oh, and I decided I was going to improv a little something about my experience with the chocolate vagina sales (see several posts below). I think it must have been funny, because people laughed. And it was short, which I think put it easilly a head above almost everything else. There was one amazing piece that Dan, Donelle, and Red missed because they left early (and they suck). It was a guy named Dennis, who did an incredibly stream-of-consciousness piece, while running in place and taking off various items of clothing. Because I was right in the front row, he got right up close to me and actually spoke about his reactions to feminism. "It makes me uncomfortable, and that's my problem. I know my kind has been on top for a long time, and the other 80% of the population is getting really pissed off..." I was a little bit blown away by his entire presentation. I would introduce myself to him if I thought we could have a conversation. But I know I'd be so intimidated that all I would do is listen. And that's fine for heroes, but I have enough of those already, I need friends.
Today, I skipped out on a choir concert. I went there and everything, but I was miserable, so I signed the attendance sheet and took off. I can't believe choir was supposed to be a fun class. Gah. What was I thinking? I don't even like choral music. It's always about God and the Bible and stuff, and I just can't get enthusiastic about that.
I set up a country at NationStates. It's called the Free Land of Shoeboxia. Their motto is "Never pay full price for late pizza." It's located in the North Pacific. "The Free Land of Shoeboxia is a tiny, socially progressive nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape. Its compassionate, hard-working, intelligent population of 5 million have excellent freedom... The large government concentrates mainly on Social Welfare, although Healthcare and Education are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 24%. A large private sector is led by the Woodchip Exports industry, followed by Gambling and Pizza Delivery. Crime is relatively low. Shoeboxia's national animal is the penguin."
So far, the manuscript I'm writing for the U-High T.I. workshop is eleven pages long. And it's like, the tip of the iceberg. The more I write, the more I have to write. It borders on crazy. I'm working on it instead of doing homework. What does this say about me? Oh, and I haven't played The Sims since I got Lemmings Revolution. It's so satisfying. I want to buy it for people and give it to them as presents, except I can't afford to give people presents, unless they're made of yarn.
Friday, February 07, 2003 @ 7:12 PM
I just went downstairs, just to get some food and bring it back up to my room. I do that a lot, since I hate to eat alone. Anyway, I got my yogurt and apples and saw not just Dano, but him plus Donelle, Jeff, and Cailtin! We ate all together at a table along with some people I'd never seen before. There were ten of us all together. Meals are so much nicer when you eat them with other people. Oh, and Dan showed Jeff the tape from our senior chorus concert, and Jeff told me, completely out of nowhere, that he thought the way I held my mic during "Wild Nights" was genuinely sexy. I basically thought he was just being an asshole, but Donelle says he was really serious. Even still, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information. Except wear sunglasses on the top of my head and go around grabbing and leaning into phallic objects with my eyes half-closed in ecstacy. And really, how often can you work that into conversation?
I still remember the weird feeling I got on New Year's Eve over a year ago, when at midnight, it was 2002. The year when I would graduate from high school. There's something surreal about realizing that your graduation year actually arrived. I don't know why I was thinking about this, exactly, except that now it's 2003. The year when I graduated high school came, and went. And here I am, researching colleges. Except this time, I'm researching colleges in New York. If I got placed at Stony Brook, I'd be 60 miles east of Manhattan. Fuckin' a.
Have I mentioned before that I'm in love with Wesleyan's radio station? When I turned it on today, they were playing "Mother, Mother" by Tracy Bonham. They went on to play Dashboard Confessional, Bright Eyes, A Perfect Circle, Promise Ring, and Rainer Maria. I am smitten with 88.1
This morning, I got up early to go to work, but played Jet Set Radio Future for forty minutes instead. Sadly, I got nothing accomplished. Then I came to work. Where I listened to the radio and thought about Jeff. He left me a note saying that everyone thinks he's a "showvanist" - that's how he spelled it, for serious - and wanted me to school him about feminism and the power of vagina. I said I'd do my best, and now I can't get it off my mind. Bitch & Animal's Manifesto keeps edging its way into my mind, also things from Reviving Ophelia. And I'm remembering what happened in Guerilla yesterday when I made my pitch for The Vagina Monologues (playing Valentine's Day weekend in the Bone Student Center Ball Room). I'm so sick of having to defend my feminism to people who are supposed to believe in equality. It makes me sick to feel this alone.
I'm also thinking a lot about theatre and my odyssey and what I want to say on Teen Institute Day. I'm going to kick ideas around for the rest of the day, then try to start drafting tonight. I also have to write an essay for the NSE* application and my outline for Com 110. My speech is called, "The Wacky Rules of the Residence Halls." I got the idea from a guy in my math class who told me it was super-easy to research and earned him an 'A' last semester. I haven't done any research yet, exactly, but I figure I'll use three interviews and University Housing brochures. No problem. Pete's - my professor - is quite enthused about it. Of course, Pete's enthused about paper clips. I choke daily on his enthusiasm. Of course, my own enthusiasm is getting a little overpowering these days, too. =)
* National Student Exchange - that's right, boys and girls, if you haven't heard already, Kellie's going to New York.
Thursday, February 06, 2003 @ 2:45 PM
I'm getting so psyched about U-High Teen Institute Day. I feel a little weird about any situation where I'm presumed to A.) be an adult and B.) know something... I feel like Josh would be somehow more qualified to lead that workshop than I would... I'm going to have to get over the guilt though. I was the one who was asked, and I am going to give one hell of a workshop. =)
So, for about an hour today, I sold chocolate vaginas to benefit The Vagina Monologues. This was my sales pitch: "Buy a Chocolate Vagina and Help End Violence Against Women! Support ISU's Vagina Monologues and the Feminist Majority! Only $1!" Then Levi came buy, and suggested we not tell people what the chocolates were in our sales pitch. So we sort of said, "Buy some chocolate and help end violence against women!" But that definitely didn't help us sell them. We had a lot more luck when we just yelled "Chocolate Vaginas!" But... this woman came by (who looked like Renata's mom, but wasn't, thankgod) and told us that we had offended the faculty. Yeah. Then said faculty went and sicced the ISU police on us. Well, they tried. The guy was actually like, "You guys are doing The Vagina Monologues? That's super! I saw them in Chicago! ...Yeah, so, um... some people are upset, they want you to tone it down." I *heart* that guy, but it really upsets me how conservative the town is. A vagina is a body part, like any other. Women shouldn't have to be ashamed of having vaginas. Men aren't ashamed to have penises. (At least, the ones I've met aren't.) Men are proud of their equipment. Why do you think they associate their testicles with courage? Hmmm?
There's so many things that make me angry with this town. Like how The Pantagraph has to use euphemisms in its obituaries, and won't print birth announcements of babies born to lesbians. I'm waiting for the outraged liberal community to rise to action and smote them down (or at least step on small fluffy things). I guess protests are hard to organize, but at least someone could write an angry letter or something.
I should say that for all the people who were disgusted, there were a few people who just marched right up to the table and said, "I'd like a giant chocolate cunt." To those precious few, and to all the repressed women of the world, I would like to say, "Have a great day, and Enjoy Your Vaginas!"
I ran into Talia yesterday as she was emerging from Japanese class. We talked a little, she told me about an opportunity to travel to Japan and asked my opinion, and I kinda tripped over myself trying to figue out what to tell her. But I've had some time, and I figured it out. What she should think about is that you always think you have a really long time to figure out what you want to do. You always think you have the rest of your life to do different things. But reality doesn't work that way. The thing to do is to imagine spending your entire life without ever going to Japan. You never realize which opportunities are the once-in-a-lifetime ones until it's too late.
So, if someone could refer Talia to that, that would be great. I don't really have time to write much this morning, because I need to get myself some breakfast and then head to Stevenson, where F.M.L.A. is selling tickets to The Vagina Monologues and vagina-shaped chocolates all day. I don't expect to have a free moment to myself until about... 6:30/7:00, when I'll be settling down to watch "Friends" and crochet my army scarf.
Mischa - I just got your message this morning, I'm making a mental note to call you tonight.
Tuesday, February 04, 2003 @ 12:57 PM
Congratulations, Dan! Dan successfully completed his first nap! ::covets::
Looks like next year I might not be in Chicago. There's a good chance I'll be in upstate New York, or somewhere in Iowa, Indiana, or Kansas. And I get to keep paying the same tuition I'm paying to go to ISU. All I have to do is complete a month-long application process in ten days. It can't be as horrible as it sounds, and I'm going to be going to school (ideally) about an hour away from the Center of the Universe! And I'm switching my major to Theatre. Josh, I hope you're proud.
Today I gave my journal address to the people in my English group, and I got addresses for Liz and Julie. Liz has actually taken my Relationship Quiz, and she needs a Traditional Romance. She called Erin a slut, because Erin got Friends with Benefits. Guess she doesn't know slutty people should get One-Night Stand. Julie likes Jill Sobule, too! What a small world! ::waves to Liz and Julie if they're visiting me::
Eeek! I'm late for Spanish!
Monday, February 03, 2003 @ 4:27 PM
I'm having a really long day. So I'm blowing off choir. First I got something to eat because I was starving, and now I'm working on a math assignment. What kind of dork am I, that I ditch class and end up doing other homework? An over-committed dork, that's what kind. The assignment is really simple, we just have to find different kinds of statistics online. What's interesting - at least to me - is that all of the sites that have actually been useful for this project have been based in Canada. ::sings Canadian National Anthem:: I have FMLA tonight, we have the exec meeting at 6:00, and then at 7:00 we're all going to be learning to knit and crochet. I wish I were excited about this, but really I keep wondering if I couldn't just go home and sleep? I have an 8:30 appointment with my advisor, and an 10:00 appointment in the NSE office. And at some point before 5:00 tomorrow, I have to go see Sister Bertha... ::look of terror::
Julie and Liz still think we're going to be in a group together for English. Which is good, because it's always my goal to be the most stupid and lazy person in any group. But hopefully, by 9:00 tomorrow, I will no longer be in English class with them. They will probably feel very betrayed.
I was adding people's children into the system today at work, when I started to think about the people within the system as separate entities from the actual people. I'm sure that doesn't make any sense... But, as I was giving people children, whether their kids were born last year or thirty years ago, I kept thinking, "Here ya go, you have a son/daughter now. I don't know if that's what you wanted or not, but I really hope it works out all right."
I had a kind of panic attack this morning, but I think I'm better now... I don't think I'm going to be able to survive my English class in one piece. It's a kind of bad sign, since English is my major and all. I want to drop the class and take whatever fourth-quarter class is still open. Seriously, I would rather take bowling at seven a.m. than continue in this class. Alyssa's mother has made my life a living hell. Next semester, I want to be in a place that's crowded and complex, where I'm genuinely on my own, and I want to be studying theatre.
How did I get here? How the hell?
Sunday, February 02, 2003 @ 11:09 PM
So... Danielle's mini-fridge keeps freezing things. And let's just say this: I now know why they don't make V8 popsicles.
I got "Far From the Home I Love" stuck in my head today. The line that really pisses me off is this one: Closing my heart to every hope but his. No matter how romantic I get, I'll never think it's good to be that selfless.
On Thursday night, I drank three Mike's hard lemonades, played Euchre with Dan/Heather, Ben, and Brad, and watched Varsity Blues with Heather, Ben, Brad, and Eric. Heather and I were just wasted enough for everything to burn a little extra bright, and it was one of those infinite evenings that I like to hang on to.
Then, Friday night I planned to hang out with Seth for a bit and then go to bed nice and early so I'd get a good night's sleep. Well, Seth and I did hang out... We went to Best Buy, where I bought Lemmings Revolution and he frivolously spent $80 of his paycheck. Then we went to dinner at Biaggi's, where I found out if you order chicken parmesan they give you enough for not two but three meals. Anyway, he ended up hanging out with me until about two in the morning. He gave me a lot to think about as far as... how do you be both the kind of person you want to be and the kind of person you are? After he left, I spent about forty minutes writing a poem, just because... the poem wouldn't let me sleep until I wrote it. Then I went to sleep, and got up three hours later for the Speech meet I had to judge.
When my alarm clock went off, I said, "Yes, yes, that's quite enough of that," in a British accent. I think that's quite an improvement over yelling at it. Incidentally, I found out that I actually function worse on three hours of sleep than I do on one. But luckily, I caught a ride home before awards with Jon and Melissa. When I got home, I ate some leftover Biaggi's, and then went to sleep. I slept for probably 12 hours. This was a big waste of time, but, eh, what're you going to do? And, I missed Ted. I'm starting to think Ted is just one thing that is going to have to wait - probably until the Speech season ends, which will be in two weeks.
Anyway, this morning, I had a nice brunch with my Moms and now, I'm back in the dorms, gearing up to do homework. There's so much of it! ::fake sobs:: Okay, really... I can feel myself growing motivated... I want to do homework. I want to study. I want to learn!
Some of the ants were drowning in the yogurt. -- Ellis
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