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Friday, November 30, 2001 @ 2:38 PM
Kellie? Sick.
Tonsilitis? Yes. Strep? No. Mono? Too soon to tell. Blood test next week.
Weekend? Cancelled. Squirrels in my head. Can't swallow.
Wednesday, November 28, 2001 @ 1:24 PM
Yay for Contemporary Literature being cancelled! I love Mrs. Clesson!
Yay for Pizza Hut lunch buffet!
Yay for Ryan Rappa and the 1950's!
Yay for Metcalf! (Never thought you'd hear me say that one, did ya?)
Yay for freshmen and Speech Team and one-acts and Christmas and self-imposed poverty due to exorbident generosity!
Yay for not knowing how to spell "exorbident!"
And Yay for Sam Goody! Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I get hired to work for them this Holiday Season! Because I'll end up using the money to buy presents for all of you lovely people.
P.S. Am I scary when I'm happy???
Tuesday, November 27, 2001 @ 9:54 PM
School... sucks as usual. And yet, I remain happy and practically worry-free. Stress? Be Gone!
I was having some thoughts today. Those thoughts were about popular opinion. I was thinking about how high school is one giant Rumor Mill, and gossip is like a big game of telephone. If you tell people anything even remotely interesting, it is known by everyone in a matter of hours. And they never get the story quite right. If you listened to gossip, it's possible to believe that I get drunk "all the time;" had a threesome; and/or smoked weed with Sarah, Helena, and Nate over Thanksgiving Break. In short, one could be led to believe that I am an irresponsible, casual sex enthusiast.
Ordinarily, I don't care what the Masses think of me. If they don't want to get to know me, if they want to judge or disapprove of me without meeting me, that's their loss. It's when I think I know people, and they end up telling me, or others, untruths about me, that I get upset. The whole thing with Rob turned out to be a misunderstanding, but it concerns me to think that people who I think of as friends might disapprove of me. I try so hard not to judge my friends. Because there's a difference between being concerned and being imperious! A true friend isn't someone who looks down on you.
Purple Monkey Dishwasher.
Monday, November 26, 2001 @ 1:35 PM
Ah, my Thanksgiving Break was amazing. Sadly, today finds me back in school, and so, for now, I cast off my new and developing role of Delinquent Wiccan Nympho and resume my identity as relatively-mild-mannered Romantic Agnostic Insomniac. =)
It was a weekend of Firsts, of the long-awaited finally occuring, of surprises and revelations, ephiphanies, parties, euphoria, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marathon on FX, lunch with Dan, Madrigals, and the Harry Potter movie. A lot happened that I'm not exactly talking about. My self-confidence is at an all-time peak - I kid you not - and I have never been this self-satisfied or deliciously happy. This week cannot compare with last week, and I am so eagerly awaiting Holiday Break that the days between here and Finals are either going to crawl by or fly. I think they're going to fly. =) Oh, and BTW, guess who has only one actual final? That would be ME! [Insert girlish shrieking and delighted cackling here.]
Speaking of this week... I'm supposed to be advising Alyssa Huff and Sophie Mikals on the art of House Management, which I think means, unfortunately, that I won't be able to go to Open Door on Friday night. Hopefully Saturday night Megan Dougherty and I are going to find a college party - and I'll let her wrestle with the ethical dilemna of whether or not it's okay to teach Sunday school while hung over.
P.S. I have the No Exit shirts, so Rob, Eva, Maria - bug me, I'll bring in the ones you ordered. (Took Josh long enough, didn't it?)
Tuesday, November 20, 2001 @ 1:19 PM
Today Rebecca Wenning and I led a group of 18 freshman in a discussion about intolerance, in the world (Bin Ladin's indictment of American citizens as "heathens") and in the school (the sexual, racial, and even wardrobe-inspired biases that we encounter daily). We played a little "game" with them. We stuck labels on their heads, and told them to ask each other yes or no questions about the label they wore, without looking at what they were wearing on each other's foreheads. They were told to mock each other, to give each other clues.
They couldn't do it. Labels such as "Cheerleader," to which someone should have said, "Oh! My God! That's so retarded!" in a high-pitch, pompom flailing squeal, followed by a sarcastic, "Airhead," under their breath - they inspired nothing. Apparently freshmen are not aware of such stereotypes as, "Swimmers are show-offs," "Skaters are weed fiends," or my favorite, "Thespian is code for Lesbian."
They couldn't do it. They have not yet been fully iniated into the mini-world of U-High's pervasive casual discrimination. They are not aware of the labels they use - perhaps because they have not discovered the labels that they wear... I remember when I was a freshman, I managed to almost completely avoid strange looks and discriminatory remarks, until Thespian Induction Week. Then it was, "So... are you gay?" every time I walked into a classroom. Things like, "Woah, there, Morticia" on "Backstage Black" day. People would read my enormous signs, "Honorable Lesbian Initiate," to my face, and I would say, "That's right. Because they have a ceremony for that," then sigh and walk away, rolling my eyes down the hall. And every day since then, I have been a self-declared "Theatre freak." Instead of trying to deny my Role, my Label, I embraced it. And I became more and more aware of all the other Labels and Roles, more aware that without even realizing it, I was judging people based on the clothes they wore, the people they hung out with, the classes they took, the clubs they joined, even what kind of backpack they carried. And now, I cannot deny that I am, in fact, a part of the problem, not the solution.
They couldn't do it. They couldn't do it, because they walk down the halls unaware that they are being judged. They sit in the lounge oblivious that the Shining Examples of the senior class congregate at the same table every day, and ten feet away a group of sophomore football warriors occupy the green semi-comfy couch/chair sets. They notice a banner advertising the Madrigal dinner, and don't know that until this year, the only banners you could find in the lounge were advertisements for sporting events. They look around their school, and they just see people, they don't see the lines that divide us from one another.
I envy them. But their time will come.
Monday, November 19, 2001 @ 4:33 PM
Who wants to hear about my day?
Tough. You're here. I got up earlier than usual, got to school at 7am, put up a Madrigal banner and about fifteen Speech Team signs (when did I become the cheerleader for every activity?), then ran into Doug in the library. He pointed out that marker from my hand had rubbed off on my face. Things like, "Mad $, Speech Signs, Scan Photos" were highly visible in red ink on my lower left cheek. (Does this remind anyone of a certain movie?) The day improved, I finally bought my AP Lang textbooks, we had a sign-out day in Chorus, and we spent the entire time during Contemporary Lit surfing the internet and the entire time in P.E. talking about sex.
All in all, a decent day. But I've got a lot to do before tomorrow morning. I have to finish my pre-calculus project (can anyone explain how to calculate percent increase? Because I've forgotten), and I have to make a bunch of index-card-size labels for the freshman I'm teaching lecturing on the importance of tolerance (does that very concept scare anyone but me?). But as soon as I'm done with all that stupid school-related crap, I'm get to work on N.B.5.5, and that's coming along quite nicely, and will be aided by the fact that I spent my entire free hour scanning and now have about two rolls of film to add to the photo gallery. =)
Oh, and remind me to call Josh...
Sunday, November 18, 2001 @ 5:54 PM
Pioneer Palooza was a pretty good time. dcaf was really good, Halogen Blue brought me to tears. I'm not sure what I'm going through right now, but it reminds me intensely of junior high school.
Facing your failure, facing your loneliness, facing the fact you live a lie...
I'm really glad there's only two days of school next week. Unfortunately, they're not going to be particularly easy days. Monday I'm tutoring someone in Spanish II, and Tuesday I have to lead a bunch of freshman in a Tolerance discussion. Yippee. Plus, I have the most moronic pre-calculus project due... I feel stressed, but it's not just that. Truth be told, it's entirely possible for me to be happy and psyched no matter how much I have to get done - I'm feeling sad for other reasons. I have a tremendous talent for cheering myself up, but I'm wearing thin... On the plus side, I'm cranking out two to three poems a day... And on the other bright side, Josh will be coming home Tuesday.
Why am I the witness? And when I capture it - will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone?
Saturday, November 17, 2001 @ 7:28 PM
Well, it's a Saturday night, and I'm at home working on my website. Just like I did last night. (But not for long!)
The comments system is finally working! And I have to go get ready for Pioneer Palooza. (Who thought of that name, anyway? Eek.)
Thursday, November 15, 2001 @ 1:18 PM
Devin Landau apparently beat up Mercer Turner. The weird thing is, that, hearing him defend his position and his actions, I don't even want to harass him for committing assault and battery. I mean, that was justified, because the kid was behaving like a cockmonkey. But then he called him a fag. And I keep thinking, beat him up for being a cockmonkey, but don't call him a fag.
Is there something wrong with me?
Justin Lomelino got all upset 'cause we held his rubber duckey for ransom. And it was stupid, because A.) It's a duck, for the love of God. If you have a duck for a hood ornament, you really can't expect to not have someone steal it, and B.) Because lying for comic effect is not the same as real lying. So here is this moronic situation, and I'm like, "This is childish." Some guy says, "This is so homosexual! It's just, homosexual!" And I was like, "Don't say that, that's not what you mean." And I was too upset to really explain myself, so he was just hanging his head, muttering, "Whatever."
He probably wonders what my problem is.
That makes two of us.
I'm still not sure what's wrong with the Comments system. Hopefully I'll be able to figure it out tonight.
I'm leaning towards making a version 5.5, rather than a version 6, because I'm really not ready to go back to frames. All I'm going to change is the color scheme and the navigation, but I'm going to keep the tables concept, the two columns on the sides and content in the middle layout. Plus, I'm not really adding all that many new features (unfortunately.)
Decided not to go to Dekalb this weekend after all. Instead, I'm going to Cori's and to Pioneer Palooza, and I'm making a list of everyone's issues.
I finished the damn book on tape. Huzzah!
Okay, I guess "Discuss" still isn't working... On the plus side, the archives are! ...I'll keep working on it...
This morning, my brother, Will, refused to drive me to school. I sat in our car, waiting, even after he told me that he had called Mom, at work, and told her to come get me. I didn't let him bully me. I was actually feeling really proud of myself when my mom showed up, took my brother's keys away, and drove both of us to school, mad as Hell. It's about time my brother got something taken away from him. Spoiled brat. Hope he's happy now.
Wednesday, November 14, 2001 @ 9:40 AM
It seems "Discuss" isn't quite working yet. In class right now. Will try to de-bug later.
Tuesday, November 13, 2001 @ 8:35 PM
Well, the journal and the message board have a host again. Everyone, please drop by Acoustic Life and thank them - or at least browse around. =) When Version Six is ready, it will launch at Acoustic Life. Blackglass, we don't need you!
What's new with me? Um, let's see... Had to cancel Texas (tears), was a finalist at the Normal West Speech Meet last Saturday (yays), have devoted myself to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and coaching novice Speechies. Hope to visit Josh this weekend, if not, will be happy to see him once he gets back in town on Tuesday. Plan to get drunk. Plan to watch Buffy marathon. Plan to work 24/5 on NB6. Do you guys think black and red is cooler, or black and blue? Or maybe purple and green? I just can't decide on a color scheme. Augh.
Oh, and I hate books on tape. The end.
Monday, November 12, 2001 @ 3:17 PM
You probably can't read this either.
I'm not sure why, but for some reason, my listening to a book on tape (I have to for Contemporary Literature) makes people want to talk to me more. Why do we always want to have a conversation with the person wearing headphones? Why? Why?!?
Why didn't anyone tell me grace and Josh broke up?
Monday, November 05, 2001 @ 9:55 AM
You probably can't read this, but the party was weird. Ask me in person, or anyone else who attended. I'm still trying to work out this hosting crisis I'm having. Sorry!
Thursday, November 01, 2001 @ 4:51 PM
Guess what? Never Better is moving. Blackglass.org has decided they don't want me anymore. In some ways it's good, because I've purchased a domain name (nev-bet.net) and that's pretty cool... In many ways it sucks though, because... well... you're all going to have to change your bookmarks and links and what-not...
Version Six is coming soon anyway though. I promise. =)
Plus... Party Saturday! Yay!
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