Call me KP
del.icio.us
last.fm
CURRENTLY
FEELING...
READING...
He's a Stud, She's a Slut,
and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know
by Jessica Valenti
[More]
WRITING...
Book Reviews
LISTENING...
The Blake Babies
[More]
WATCHING...
Freaks & Geeks
[More]
PLAYING...
Animal Crossing
SURFING...
Goodreads
CRAVING...
New Books!
Wednesday, March 28, 2001 @ 8:59 AM
Leaving for Boston at 11:00 today. The concert last night was amazing, and Brad Arnold (lead singer 3DD) signed my shirt! Yay! I'm going to be gone for six days, I'll be back and posting on Tuesday. Love you all!
Tuesday, March 27, 2001 @ 3:36 PM
I am so psyched about tonight! Logan and I are going to the (SOLD OUT) Three Doors Down concert at Braden! Tomorrow morning I leave for Boston at 10:00. I've still got lots to do, like, finishing packing, finding my copy of A Farewell to Arms (godf'ndammit!) and Xeroxing my math book so I don't have to lug the damn thing on the bus. Logan should be here any time, and then we'll go eat dinner and stuff. The concert starts at 7:30. Yes, I know, you all hate me. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, the last concert I went to was Trisha Yearwood when I was in the fifth grade. We had a really decent motivational speaker today. He was from the Federation for Christian Athletes, but actually did not give us any of that oh-too-common and subtley-discriminatory, "Jesus is the only way to a pure heart," crap. He was all like, "Have the self-respect to go against the flow." It wasn't what I'd call inspiring, and of course, the people who could have used the speech were the ones who snuck out. But it was nice to have a speaker who didn't have an automatic sedative effect on me. Kat's comments (which you can also find by clicking one of the many "Discuss" links below, included this juicy tidbit: I haven't done anything you need to forgive, kellie. Only Justin and Eric need to forgive me. Justin forgave me and I think Eric did...but even if he didn't thats not your business. I think you are the one who needs to be forgiven here...I'm so mad that you wrote about my PARENTS...what the hell was that anyways. Thank you, Kat, for your oversimplification of the facts and your childish reaction. It's so much easier to fight with someone when they prove your points for you. I think maybe Never Better should wage war against the Koffeehouse... If only it were a worthy adversary... Concert! Boston! Concert! Boston! If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive and well will you be there holdin' my hand? I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might Kryptonite...
Monday, March 26, 2001 @ 4:05 PM
Right now, Kat is huddled in a corner, where she is visible to me, Cori, and Justin, who are all on computers, and she is sniveling. There are quiet sniffling noises emerging from her corner, where she appears to have assumed something like the fetal position. Am I a horrible person? Before you answer me, read all the posts below.
I feel like I should elaborate on my earlier comments. Julie Fisher: "Let's both tell her off." Juli Grubar: "So, basically, you did what I did sophomore year?" Cori: "Not to bitch at you, but it puts us [I assume meaning, her and Justin] in an awkward position." Eric: "She's trying to kinda feel-out who hates her... She asked me if I thought she was a slut... She asked me if I thought she was a tease and I said, "Yes," and she got really angry, but I mean... I'm not getting involved..." Justin: "What's the truth to you might not be the truth to everyone." Would anyone else care to comment? Anyone at all? Please feel free to use the "Discuss" link above, I'm eager for your opinions, however half-baked, misinformed, tainted, or oversimplified. Whatever, I want to hear what you have to say.
Kat resigned as Props Head of Am I Blue? Oh no! Now I'll have to find my own tablecloths! I'm not sorry about telling Kat the truth... I just wish I'd done it sooner. She's in for a surprise when she finds out how many people are on my side. Rob Caroll is the only person to disagree with me so far, and all he said was, "That wasn't very nice, Kellie." I guess I'm just not a forgiving person...
Saturday, March 24, 2001 @ 10:16 PM
Well, Logan and I hung out and watched TV and had a nice time talking and stuff. Kat and I had a bit of a fight over AIM. Every fight I've ever had with her has reconciled, regardless of the fact that I didn't really want to. We'll just see how this works out. I'm apathetic at this point. I'm taking her out of The Chosen Few, though, and probably she'll get removed from the "friends" pages... Depressing. Especially since she has tablecloths for me. Everyone, grab the one you love, run to Blockbuster, rent Reality Bites, and snuggle on the couch under a blanket. I'm going to read A Farewell to Arms and pack for Boston while talking to Logan. Who I thought would have gotten online by now. Also, need to call Dan. Shit... Yeah, must call Dan and remind him about 28 Days tomorrow at UU Church. G'night y'all.
All right, Logan just called. He failed his test. He's blowing me off this afternoon, so I'm going to go home tonight after practice and work on the program for Blue? and whine and cry and read A Farewell to Arms and pack for Boston and cry some more.
Last night was decent, Logan and I had fun and I hope we didn't get Justin and Cori too mad or in-trouble. Today, Logan is going to get his license. There's Am I Blue? practice today at Bone for David, Nate, and Rob. (David and Nate at 3:00, Rob and Nate at 4:00.) Hopefully at some point I will hear from Logan, I'm very curious as to whether or not he fails his driving test. I think that's all I have to say. Hm. I'm usually more interesting than this, aren't I?
Friday, March 23, 2001 @ 3:59 PM
Ben Johnson just held a magnent up to my screen and now the colors are really screwed up... I expected them to go back to normal, but... they're not... Today was kind of boring, but the coolest thing that happened was that at lunch I decided to dye the tips of my hair with a red permanent marker. Everyone is saying that it looks really cool, and I'm considering having Cori do it permanently. It should wash out tonight in the shower, but I wanted to test it out. What do you guys think I should do to my hair? I need something spunky and bizarre. I feel kinda conflicted right now about lots of things (things more important than my hair) and I should probably do some writing or something and get everything figured out in my mind. Tonight after TWIRP if you want to stop by Justin's, all are welcome, except, his mother isn't going to put up with "any teenagers lying on top of other teenagers." Everything else is fair game, but no lying on top of each other! (Oh, and btw, Logan and I did not cause the advent of this rule. Eric and Julie did.) "I do not like this car, Sam I Am!" -Kapa ka Dana
Thursday, March 22, 2001 @ 4:14 PM
Today I got another e-mail message from my father: Kellie, I hear you are putting on another play and that you may need some lighting you are welcome to borrow some spot lights if you need them. -dadtwd What should I do? On the one hand...Yeah, I could use some spotlights. On the other hand, I haven't spoken to my dad since The Incident, and I really do not want to go back there again. He thinks I've forgotten why I'm mad, but I haven't. The evidence is here and here and here... Should I compromise my beliefs for some spotlights and put my dad's emotions ahead of mine? What do you guys think? And how come Dan is the only one who ever uses the "Discuss" link? It's a quick and easy way to respond to my ramblings and give me feedback and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! C'mon!! Please?
Wednesday, March 21, 2001 @ 3:58 PM
I am becoming progressively stressed out. I am falling into a never-ending well of despair. Most pressing: I have to get at least five more sketches done for Stagecraft by tomorrow night, plus a short math assignment and Spanish homework. I have to get A Farewell to Arms read (or at least thoroughly researched) by the time I get back from Boston. (Only 4 1/3 school days left until I leave! Yay! Oh, f###, that means I have to pack this weekend! S###!) Argh. I miss Logan. I miss free time... I want to finish 1984 (thanks again, Neil!) and start on my sketches before I go home. I still haven't talked to Josh, so I have no idea why he liked the play so much. (See below.) And does anyone have a copy of A Farewell to Arms that they can give me???
Monday, March 19, 2001 @ 9:05 PM
Josh just left this cheering message on my answering machine: Hey, Kellie, this is Josh...It's Monday afternoon, and I just finished reading THAT WAS THEN, and I wanted to tell you that it is one of the most spectacular pieces of writing that I have ever experienced. So when you get this message, be happy, be proud, be something. And give me a call. Aite, bye. Now I just have to see if I still have his "away at NIU" phone number written down somewhere... Wow, what an ego trip. =) Oooh! Oooh! It gets even better! Check out Josh's AIM Away Message: Auto response from The White Stick: Everyone here at NIU, I have something in my possession that I believe you must read. I only have one copy and I'm not going to lend it to you, but find me sometime tonight and we can chill and you can read it (it's not long) and then we can talk about it. I can only assume he is talking about my show... d00d, I wish I could show it to the people who are in it... Unfortunately, most everyone is portrayed in a somewhat unflattering or too-revealing light... Yeah... It basically addresses the problems I have or have had in the past... with everyone who I would potentially show it to, except, like, possibly Cori, Justin, or Eva... Hm... I hope Josh makes those NIU kids write down their comments, they'll probably be the only ones I'll ever really get... Oh, wait! I'll e-mail it to Logan! ...Maybe he'll like it better than STRANGE DREAMS...
Augh! I hate Mondays! It's always so hard to come back from Break... I found out today that State for GI is actually not this weekend, but the weekend after. So, I'll be in Boston anyway. This means that Logan and I could, theoretically, go to TWIRP. Kat really wants us to go, no one else seems to care. It's the first year I've had a date, but that seems like a stupid reason to go... Maybe if I find out what the theme is, and find something really cool to do afterwards. The really bad part about State being next week (other than having to come to school on Friday) is that Logan is going to be in play rehearsals even longer. He and I aren't going to see each other much at all until I come back from Boston. Ooooh, and I found out today how sick Allison Borst can be. I received a lame note from Ryan reminding me about the production meeting on Wednesday. I wrote underneath his signature the word: "sucks," so it read, "Ryan sucks." Then Ben Johnson crossed out "Ryan" and wrote, "Kellie." Then Allison added, "But Logan doesn't deserve it." Ha ha ha ha ha...
Sunday, March 18, 2001 @ 2:16 PM
Yesterday was a very long day, and so was the day before it. Friday Dan and I got lost on the way to Neil's. We found Peoria, eventually, but MapQuest didn't give us any directions for finding the house in Peoria. It was an interesting adventure but kind of scary. Also, there was bad weather, also, I felt kinda wretched about the entire Logan situation. I was right, he didn't come to the coffee house, and I ended up crying. It took Steve being an ass to actually push me over the edge though. No one really reacted, I started laughing and everyone just thought it was nothing. Crying and laughing at the same time... It takes a lot out of a person. All in all, it was a rough day. Then yesterday was Sectionals for GI. I got up at a quarter to six, Thetard bitched at me only a little for being late (since Justin was even later), the show went really well but got 5th place (F'N Normal West f'n stealing our thunder F### them! In the ear!). David Nolan won an All-Sectional Cast Award, and Maria and Justin got one or two nominations each. Of all the shows I watched yesterday, only one was even worth seeing: The Adding Machine. I have to find a full-length script of that... I also need to find a copy of The Most Massive Woman Wins which was reccommended to me by K-Dog. Logan and I have basically made up at this point. (He gave me his ankh necklace!) I'm going over there at 6:00 to watch Futurama, Simpsons & X-Files (and all the crap-shows in between). I really, really missed him.
Friday, March 16, 2001 @ 7:50 AM
Today is off to a bad start. I should have kept pretending to be asleep for a little while longer, then I wouldn't have had to deal with my mother at all. That would have been much better. I'm still not exactly sure when Dan wants to leave to go to Peoria, last I heard around 9:00 but I don't really know because it kinda depends on Eric. Right now I'm offline so that Dan can get through to me, and when I finish this I'm going to have to get back on and publish. I'm drinking Mountain Dew, which I hoped would wake me up but is really just succeeding in making me feel sick. I was going to do some laundry, but I was too freaked out to go into the basement. I have succeeded in scaring myself. (Do you know what Blogger needs? SpellChek. I just thought of that. Anyway...) Our basement is really scary, and I am, in the deep recesses of the silly part of my brain, convinced there is a psychopathic homeless man hiding down there waiting to rape/kill me. This is why I don't do laundry. It's not really laziness, it's that frickin' scary fictional old man. (I am delusional.) I got to thinking while I was lying in bed this morning that I don't really allow people to know me at all. Like, for instance, I lie to my mother to make her think that I am too innocent to smoke, drive too fast, drink, have sex, etc. So she really doesn't know me, she knows this special "Good Kellie," who doesn't really exist. And there are things about me that I've kept even from my friends because I was too embarassed or afraid to tell anyone. I would rather be open and honest with people, but then my mother would never trust me or let me do anything I wanted, and my friends would spend always be telling me that I was doing the wrong things. Is it more of a mistake to lie to people, or is it more of a mistake to tell the truth and lose all ability to make unhindered future mistakes? (Did that make any sense?) I am listening to "Pepper" and it reminds me of Logan because Logan loves that song. "I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes." I have a shirt of his, and it smells like him, so I put it on my pillow instead of a pillowcase, and every night this week, I've curled up next to it and cried. I really want things to work out. I really do. But I don't know how much I can take. He is supposed to meet us at the coffee house tonight after we get back from Peoria. I already have this feeling that he's not going to show up, and I'm going to just sit back and burst into tears and that is when it will be over.
kellie rai: Logan, did you actually read my journal? NAGOL0607: yes kellie rai: b/c there are things about you on there, that I would think would invoke some kind of response from you. NAGOL0607: Yeah NAGOL0607: I can't say anything to reconcile you anymore (I dont know if I ever could) kellie rai: what do you mean reconcile me? NAGOL0607: make you feel better about me, make you see reason in trusting me. kellie rai: so... you give up? NAGOL0607: no kellie rai: so... what now? NAGOL0607: I don't know, I'll have to think of something.
Relationship advice from Hero: "You have to be careful about choosing which man you choose because he needs to be able to make you feel special. If he doesn't, than he is not doing his job." "The one who cares the least runs the relationship."
I was reading the never board and Eva had posted. It seems things are not going all that great right now, so if you have a chance, send her some kind words or a card or something along those lines (eemmy7@hotmail.com). She doesn't get to spend a lot of time online, but I think she could probably really use some cheering up right now. In other news, I wrote another ten-minute play tonight. Yay me! It's called STRANGE DREAMS and while I am worried that I am never going to be able to write anything longer than 10 minutes or with more than two characters ever again, I'm really pretty happy with it. Logan thinks the ending is abrupt. I say, "F### you, Logan."
Thursday, March 15, 2001 @ 4:19 PM
Was reading the most recent issue of Writer's Digest, more specifically, an article by Stephen King... It says that he writes until he has ten pages, and always writes first thing in the morning. It got me thinking - I only write late at night. This is probably why I haven't written much lately - at least not really - I have been getting a healthy amount of sleep and going to school. I think when I'm out of school and living alone, I will have a schedule that consists of waking up around 10, slacking and playing on the computer, writing letters, watching Law & Order, listening to music, and reading, and I will start writing every night around 10:00 and stay awake until I have ten pages. I really would like to be a writer/poet/playwright when I grow up... And to make money, I'll design websites. =)
I'm talking to Dan's new beau, Neil, who is uber-nice. He is giving me 1984, "The Better Life," and a mix CD of Tori Amos. And, he complimented my website! He's very friendly and we're talking about music and things disappearing and people who name objects. Congratulations, Neil, you have made a very good first impression. =) Here is a link to Neil's Website.
It looks like it's going to be another day and night alone with my computer and my thoughts. ::Sigh:: Everyone's busy or else they just don't like me. At least Dan and Josh are keeping in touch. =) I talked to Logan last night for at least a couple hours, and I still don't know whether things are going to work or not. We did both agree that we weren't ready to give up yet, so for right now, we're still together. I'm still not sure he understands how serious I am. He basically accused me of trying to manipulate him after I brought up the idea of spending some time apart. We're spending time apart anyway right now, I mean, between GI and the musical every night except last night, and his Unexpected Schedule Change (which resulted in standing me up) last night, I probably won't see him until GI Sectionals on Saturday, which seems really f'n tragic. Like a joint-custody arrangement, I see him only on the weekends, his directors get him during the week. Arrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh! Last night's post got responses from Dan and Hero of A Simple Hero, an e-mail which I am responding to right now. Both of them kind of mentioned that they didn't have many specifics of the relationship problems, which got me thinking, so here's a list of my basic complaints: I have problems with the "Joint Custody" arrangement we've fallen into lately. I'm tired of making plans with him and ending up getting blown off, stood up, or otherwise humiliated. I'm tired of making excuses for him to my friends. I'm tired of him belittling things that are important to me. I wish he would call me sometime. I wish he would e-mail me sometime. I wish that he had not put off Valentine's Day until the last minute and I wish that I would have ended up with more than a Hallmark card. (Although, admittedly, it was a very nice card.) I wish that our relationship would not remind me of my relationships in the past which did not work out. I wish that "I'll make it up to you," actually meant something to him. I wish the things he does would coincide with the things he says.
Wednesday, March 14, 2001 @ 8:42 PM
Just had a mini-fight with Logan. ::Sigh:: I'm starting to think.... if my friends all think he's bad for me... ...and I keep getting hurt... ...and trusting him is starting to seem very, very stupid... ...could my friends maybe be right? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone you can't rely on? Related Conversation with Julie: julielinx: how's logan? kellie rai: bad question, we just had a semi-fight. kellie rai: tonight we made plans for 6:00 and he was there until 8:00. kellie rai: he didn't call or anything, so I finally went home. julielinx: I'm sorry kellie rai: eh, men suck. julielinx: well... julielinx: your man sucks kellie rai: HEY! kellie rai: Eric sucks too sometimes, you have to admit it. julielinx: is there something I don't know? kellie rai: well, he's a pathological liar, but you probably already knew that. julielinx: I think I know him really well kellie rai: You probably know him better than I do by now. julielinx: probably. thats what happens when two people date, and try to spend every hour of every day together It's good to know I'm not the only one. Who thinks people in a relationship are supposed to want to spend time together. Because I was starting to wonder. Am I giving him too hard a time about things that are beyond his control, or is there a point when enough is enough? Is it unreasonable of me to expect him to be as invested in our relationship as I am? Is it unreasonable to expect him to put in the same amount of effort that I do? We've had this problem from the beginning, and I thought I could deal with it... Maybe the fact that I've been upset so many times in just the past month is an indication that I can't... How many second chances does one person deserve? Especially once that person starts to resent you for expecting too much from them...? I love him, and I believe him when he says he's sorry. But maybe "I'm sorry," isn't good enough. USE THE "DISCUSS" LINK AND GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK... I really need some counselling here... I don't want to lose him. But he makes me feel so lost...
Note to self: Make friends and family promise that there will never be a furniture collection "inspired by Kellie Powell."
Today I figured out how to get to College Hills Mall: Go the wrong way on College while driving back to Rambo House from Blockbuster, then try to go around the block, and find yourself in a turn-only lane that only goes into the College Hills Mall parking lot.
Tuesday, March 13, 2001 @ 11:06 PM
I talked to Dan, and it seems that everyone is getting together and having fun and no one is inviting me. I searched for pages that link to me on Google and there were only four! Nobody loves me. =( On a less self-effacing note, Flower Builder & Virtual Crack - the only two e-card sites you really need.
Be proud of me, I got things accomplished today. Here is a brief list: 1.) I worked on my future life skills. (Baked chocolate chip cookies.) 2.) I arranged the performance of Am I Blue? at The Coffeehouse. (Well, pretty much...) 3.) I came up with a template for The Chosen Few and filled out three or four applications for hosts. 4.) I made my website more convenient (I turned my index page into an Updates page.) 5.) I expressed my love of theatre. (I typed up four Chekhov monologues for the monologue database.) 6.) I expressed my love of music. (I made a Mix CD for Dan, and one for myself as well.) 7.) I cleaned up/organized my music collection (I went through my MP3's and deleted some.) 8.) I made it easier for you all to respond to my journal entries. Now you can hit "Discuss" and post replies to each thread. 9.) I made a new message board. I'm so glad my Spring Break is proving productive... =)
Conversation with Rob Carroll. Shpoo2: Whatcha up to? kellie rai: updating my website and baking some cookies and sneezing a lot. I have a cold and it sucks. kellie rai: I just took some medicine though, so hopefully that will help. kellie rai: What are you doing? Shpoo2: I'm doing a lot of crap with burning Cd's and Dreamcasts and stuff...sigh... most of it isn't working kellie rai: that sucks. Shpoo2: But my sister did get me an application for a job at the library, so I'm good. kellie rai: that's cool. kellie rai: which library? Normal Public? Shpoo2: nodnod kellie rai: nifty. kellie rai: I would work there... Shpoo2: That seems like it should include a but. But what? kellie rai: No, it was a "hm, i think i'll steal rob's job" elipsis. kellie rai: ;-) Shpoo2: Hah! Not likely! I come higly reccommended. kellie rai: LOL. Shpoo2: ::Smiles:: kellie rai: yum, those cookies smell good! Shpoo2: What kind? kellie rai: chocolate chip! Shpoo2: Good, good. No raisins. Raisins = taint. kellie rai: huh? kellie rai: explain! Shpoo2: Raisin cookies are nasty! kellie rai: not all of them are bad. Shpoo2: Augh.. kellie rai: Give raisins a chance! I am eating those cookies as we speak. Yum!!!
Monday, March 12, 2001 @ 7:25 PM
Augh! That 70's Show isn't on tonight and Logan still hasn't called! Augh!
I feel like I have been waiting for hours for this to work, and for my current I-Mesh download. Too bad about Napster dying... Good thing there are more clones than anyone could count. Will & I snagged I-Mesh today, and Nate suggested Audio Galaxy, I might have to look into that one. Logan was supposed to call when he got home from practice, it's almost a quarter to seven now. At 7:00, That 70's Show is on. Hurrah! Saw a preview for Bridget Jones's Diary (the movie) today while mom was watching BBC or something. Looks like they've taken a lot of liberties with the plot line. I worked for a long while on a template for The Chosen Few group 'blog - it's not too late to sign up! Hopefully I will have it up and ready by Saturday, so that everyone can get some posts in over the weekend. Three precious days of Spring Break are practically over already... Only precious six left. And I haven't read any Chekhov yet...
Spring Break! Spring Break! ...Hurrah? Well, so far my Spring Break has consisted of reading, waiting for Will to get off the f'n computer and let me have a turn you maggot-ass cheese-head!, and hanging out with Logan, watching My So-Called Life and necking. Yes, I can admit it. Also, we went to see Hannibal which was not as completely plot-less as I had expected, and didn't gross me out too much since I averted my eyes for much of the gore. And, I think I am becoming de-sensitized to the icky stuff anyways. I found a funny new 'blog today, it's called Reality Bytes. Right now Will and my mom are in town, Will at baseball practice and my mom probably running errands or sitting at her office. They should be home in half an hour or more, and I want to get a lot accomplished on the computer today, so when they are back, and Will takes over the computer, I am going to invoke the one-hour rule, even though I will still end up getting screwed. I keep having problems anyway, AIM keeps shutting off and then I get disconnected. Or in reverse order. It really sucks. I have to go to a funeral later today, for my step-great-grandfather. It's really very depressing. Then I'm supposed to call Logan if I can do anything after 6:00 tonight (which just isn't bloody likely.) Then everyone I know is totally busy tomorrow, so that will probably be a Computer & Cleaning Day, just like today is going to be for the most part. Then Wednesday & Thursday I am going to go to town, socialize, make plans, and be that wonderful friendly butterfly that I can be sometimes without Logan. And I'm supposed to go with Dan to Peoria to meet his new friend Neil, which should be interesting... I want to bring Logan along, so hopefully that will be in the realm of possibility... Saturday is GI Sectionals, and since I am on the crew now, I get to go with, which means I get to show up at UHS at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday morning. On the plus side of this no-sleep equation, I get to see Logan's GI, in which he is Hitler. Yes, that's right, Hitler. I am dating Hitler, everyone. "You want to go get some lunch? Wait a minute, I can't believe I just said that..." -Kellie, while walking out of the theatre after seeing Hannibal.
Friday, March 09, 2001 @ 7:18 PM
Spring Break! Spring Break! Hurrah! Feeling much better than yesterday, though lip has not completely healed. Today was a good day. Sondgeroth earned some points from me after commanding Allison (who got one hour of sleep last night thanks to the Les Miserables trip) to sleep in class. Then Dan and David Nolan were very entertaining in gym class, hitting each other with gym mats, etc. Practice went extremely well! Nate said, "You are so un-Thetard!" and it made my day. Going to Logan's right now (who, incidentally, is much despised (translation - "disapproved of") by Justin Irvin's parents. (See below.) "Oh, I hope that that Logan character doesn't do anything to harm that sweet girl!" -Justin, imitating his parents' feelings about Logan and I. (I am sweet? What?)
Thursday, March 08, 2001 @ 5:32 PM
It's 5:35. Am starting to have suicidal thoughts. My mother has apparently forgotten me/decided I have night class, and attempts to reach her have all failed. In between crying and hiding in darkened class rooms (janitor lady came into clean - v. embarassing) have called her and roamed about the building in manner of lost peasant or hopeless wretch, which is exacly what I am. Experiencing conflicting feelings, on one hand, I want to see Logan, on the other hand, if he sees me looking the way I look right now, he would instantly stop loving me and go back with the Kelly who spells her name properly. Best compromise - I wish to be with Logan in a completely dark place (e.g. back of Stroud) where I am invisible and therefore still worthy of being loved. Going to ring Mom again, see if she can rescue me from the Hell-hole that is U-High after the library has closed and all friends have deserted me (although I can't blame them, am wretched and ugly person).
Message from Logan: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I miss you I love you Does little to correct current situation, e.g. am falling into well of despair as currently under impression that everyone hates me and I am ugliest thing on earth. Fears are entirely correct, I think, however, could possibly be because I am reading Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (sequel to delectable Bridget Jones' Diary, a must-read) the cause of my new writing/speaking/thinking style involving ommission of unneccessary parts-of-speech. Want to go home, kill self, or similar.
Wednesday, March 07, 2001 @ 12:26 PM
Repeat this phrase mentally and everything will be fine: Spring Break is two and a half days away, spring break is two and a half days away...
It's lunchtime, and I don't really have anything to do. We had the National Spanish Exam this morning at 10:00, it was over at 11:00 and we didn't have to go to class until 11:30 (hurrah for standardized testing!) so I ate an early lunch, then went to Chorus... now it's 12:00 and I have nothing to do... I have a math test next hour, but I don't need to study... I suppose I could try to get a 20 minute nap in, but I'd probably sleep through my test or something and then where would I be? Getting a 'C' in Algebra II/Trig, that's right, that's exactly where I'd be. And I have a 50-point in-class essay over poetry in AP Lit tomorrow. I am terrified. Too scared to sleep... The first rehearsal ever for Am I Blue? is today. I'm so excited that it also is scary... I think, possibly, I am a Worrier...
Monday, March 05, 2001 @ 12:32 PM
Today has been a kind of nothing day. Mrs. Clesson was mysteriously absent today, so we had a twelve-year-old substitute who was unable to locate the video she left for us to watch. We socialized the entire time. Homework was to memorize a Shakespeare sonnet. (Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Done!) In AP Lit, we basically sat there and semi-discussed Brave New World (a book so good it hurts to watch Tea Bag try to teach it). In Spanish, we talked about the National Spanish Exam (been there, done that) which is on Wednesday. Corpus let us out of Chorus early so she could work with the Jazz Choirs. So, yeah, nothing day. I might as well have stayed home today, except then I couldn't have gotten Megan Hannah's Lighthouse CD to burn and talked to Lexi about Am I Blue? Rehearsals for Am I Blue? start on Wednesday, and I have a lot to do before then. Spring Break is next week (THANK YOU, GOD!)
Sunday, March 04, 2001 @ 9:19 PM
Well, I went and painted the GI set for two and a half hours... Yuck. I can't believe I have f'n school tomorrow! Goddammit! Normal West has the day off for Casmir Pulaski Day. Where's the justice? Before I had to be there, Logan and I went out and ate pizza at Jake's. It was very uneventful. I nearly got killed coming home by an idiot running a stop sign. F'n drunken college students... F'n college town. Goddamn! Tired. Hungry. Going. Going. Gone.
Message received today from Hero at aSimpleHero.com: name: Hero comment: Hello. I thought I would just drop a line to say that... green
is good. Unless it is the green of envy. Then it is bad. Is your site
the green of envy? Na... I couldn't be!Alright then, I have no idea what I am talking about... but at least it
is mail. And I think mail is good.Yes, mail is definitely good. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was not my kind of movie. I don't like action movies! There were some cool parts, but for the most part, I was f'n bored! Being at Logan's house afterwards was much more fun. We watched The Birdcage on ABC, and then the beginning of Mad TV before my mom came to pick me up. This weekend I designed a website for my mom's office (Illinois State University Office of Development) and she paid me $20. Man, when I designed healhtypets4you.com I got paid $200. But alas, she is my mother. Argh. And now she is bugging me about not owning enough pairs of pants. My God, will the insanity never end??? Off to make my website a better place. Yay! 'Bye.
Saturday, March 03, 2001 @ 3:10 PM
Last night kind of sucked. Today I updated and worked on a website design for my mom's office. In about half an hour, I'm meeting Logan at the Palace Theatre to watch Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Tomorrow I'm not going to UU Church, but plan to go downtown to apply for jobs/talk to the coffeehouse about a performance of Am I Blue?/paint the set for GI. Someone tape Futurama, Simpson's, and X-Files for me, OK? Thanks, you're all wonderful! Poll - Do you guys want an updates page? Right now there isn't one, and I could go either way... Do you think it's useful? Also, should I make a new message board? Should Kat and Cori and I all share one? What do you guys think? E-mail: kellie@blackglass.org.
Friday, March 02, 2001 @ 4:31 PM
Yay! Version 4.0 is up! But the link to the journal doesn't work, that's my fault, I'll fix it when I get home tonight... I don't know when exactly that'll be... I remembered in the car this morning on the way to school that tomorrow is my mom's birthday, so Cori and I went to BSC and picked her up a book (Hannibal) and some sugarless gum. =) Then we went back to school and have been playing on the computers ever since, just waiting for our boyfriends to get out of GI. Kinda boring...
Thursday, March 01, 2001 @ 9:50 PM
The launch was delayed, but I hope to have it up in fifteen minutes! Yay!
Its a brand new season and we all know that seasons always call for new wardrobes and apparels. So if you are looking for designer womens shoes such as top of the line steve madden shoes then you should visit Solestruck for the best selections. Solestruck is known for it's great quality shoe products and low prices on womens shoes. SoleStruck.com!
archives / / blogger
Content & Design (c) 2000-2008 KP
LINKS
moonshine
no escape
no cars
erin
feministing
feminism 101
safer
sea monsters
penny arcade
ctrl+alt+del
xkcd
achewood
mac hall
softer world
5ives.com
overheard
pa notes
FUNDRAISING
AcaDemon
My Essays
Alibris
Shutterfly
Blue Dolphin
Overstock
Apple iTunes
