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Wednesday, February 28, 2001 @ 9:36 AM
Boredom because of an AP Lit "free day" to read Brave New World which I have already finished and a vague curiousity about "The Other Kellie Powell" have prompted me to return to Google, which yielded these results: Planet CD, When She Smiles, New Mexico Women Online, & MP3.com. Click here to listen to one of my songs. (Streaming MP3. Hope it works.) Try here to download. Don't forget! Am I Blue auditions are 3:00-5:30 in Stroud! You know you want to come!!!
Well, the recital went OK, I had to start over, but the second time I got through it without fainting or throwing up or hyperventilating, so it's all good. Logan, the goofball, gave me a standing ovation. (What can I say? I love that loco nut job.) Dan reminded me that he gave me my standing ovation when I was a freshman. *Sigh.* Memories... My mom got me to school extremely early this morning, so I've been doing last-minute reminders about auditions today. I'm so excited! (...and I just can't hide it...!) I even wore a blue shirt today. =) I just wish Dan could have auditioned. Tonight's the night! Never Better 4.0 goes up tonight! Yay!
Tuesday, February 27, 2001 @ 4:01 PM
Tonight is Solo/Ensemble recital. Slightly nervous. Awaiting the arrival of Logan. Awaiting "Dreambook" to f'n work. More research on The Other Kellie Powell yielded this site. And another hundred people just got off of the train...
Monday, February 26, 2001 @ 4:27 PM
This is from yesterday. When Blogger wouldn't work, I copied it all and sent it to my e-mail. Here it is: The other day Zach came up to me and told me that he had done a search for his name through Google, and run across The Cliff Game. He thought it was strange but funny, I don't think he really understood exactly what the game was or anything, just that some people opted to sleep with him while others opted to throw him off the cliff... I don't think anyone lived with him... hmmm... I searched for myself today, and found out that Kellie Powell is a singer/poet/sculpturist in New Mexico. Kellie Powell is also a police spokeswoman in Nevada. Her website. UU Church was really boring today, and Dan didn't come... Then Logan and I were supposed to go job-hunting, but between him not having any references and it being f'n cold outside, we called it off. I have to go eat dinner with my grandmother (BULLOCKS! ...but it's her birthday... goddammit...) and then pick up Logan and take him home wth me to watch Simpson's/X-Files/etc. What a slow weekend... There are still many things that aren't quite finished for Version 4.0 - like I'm re-doing this journal, for example, and the template's not done. Nothing has been uploaded, when I finally do launch, there'll be updates to almost every single page. (Oh, the anticipation!) I wish I could be working on it right now, but NO, I had to go to BORING UU Youth Group, without Dan, and then just hang out at my mom's office for hours and hours, getting much less accomplished than if I could have been on my home computer... AND OH MY GOD MY MOUTH HURTS SO MUCH! My wisdom teeth are coming in and it is just PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN...and an Icky taste in my mouth. Sigh. In four minutes I have to go. Argh. Better start getting things finished. Bye-bye.
Wednesday, February 21, 2001 @ 4:47 PM
Why my life currently sucks, as reported to Stick's Away Message. kellie rai: Josh - some news. Auto response from The White Stick: I like to move it, move it! kellie rai: Thetard says we can't advertise Am I Blue? as a S&C Production because it opens a Pandora's Box to all of the other organizations that will say, "Hey, we have to pay money to rent Stroud, why don't they?" kellie rai: It's really just her being a Nazi... kellie rai: But anyway... kellie rai: We can put something in the program, but we can't put it on the announcements, we can't have people from other schools, and we can't refer people to the website. kellie rai: I'm going to do the show anyway, b/c I owe it to Clesson to live up to our deal, but next year I'm not going to be willing to do a show unless it's on my terms, which means next year I'll probably hold auditions & rehearsals in Bone Student Center and perform at the coffeehouse. kellie rai: I'm going to try to get us booked at the coffeehouse anyway. kellie rai: I don't know whether we can get shirts or not, but I assume if we did, we could only mention the coffeehouse performance, or agree to never wear them at school or something. kellie rai: I hate this so much. It feels like the show isn't really mine anymore, now it's Thetard's, because I've swallowed my pride and compromised my principles. kellie rai: Argh. kellie rai: Josh, counsel me! kellie rai: Aite, counsel me later. kellie rai: Library's closing, I must depart. Farewell... I'll try not to let the f'n man get me down...but it's SO HARD...
Monday, February 19, 2001 @ 3:54 PM
Unitartian Universalists are cool. I have been to UU Church twice, it is El Mejor (the best). International Fair at ISU was really cool, I bought the most beautiful bracelet, I love it. And Logan got me a paper rose. I put up posters for Am I Blue? all over school today, but Mr. Ducett is tearing them down because I didn't get them approved. Well, I am going to put up more and more and more and more and more and more and more just for spite. DAMN THE MAN, SAVE THE EMPIRE. Busy busy busy. I am stressed to the extreme. Must go. Farewell.
Wednesday, February 14, 2001 @ 3:26 PM
Today is Valentine's Day, but I have yet to see Logan. I bought him candles and cookies and made him a mix tape, with a mushy poem inside. Sigh... It's nice to have an excuse to be cornball. =) Last night I went to see a play called "The Vagina Monologues" at ISU. It was really bizarre, and funny, and daring, and touching, and beautiful, and gutsy, and...bizarre. I would recommend it to anyone who is open-minded or wants to be. Hope everyone gets some for Valentine's Day. Whether that some be flowers and chocolates or sex or companionship or beauty in their lives, I hope everyone gets some. =) This is a letter I sent to Eva today: Hey Eva! I know you don't have a lot of time online these days. Neither do I, believe me! I am SO busy lately. But hopefully you can copy/paste this letter or something, so that you can read it while offline? Anyway, there's so much going on right now. First, a little gossip: Steve Vittitoe is dating a girl named Suzie who goes to NIU, and Kat claims to be having various semi-sexual hallucinations of him every now and then. Next: Stick and Co. News: I'm going to be directing a show about gaybashing and self-discovery, a story by Bruce Coville that I adapted for the stage, called, "Am I Blue?" It's a really good story, I'll probably send it to you later so you can read it. Stick and Co. may also possibly being doing a remount of Bang Bang You're Dead, in conjunction with your church! Dan and I visited last Sunday and we volunteered to stage a cut-down version at the local juvenille detention center. The other youth group goers didn't seem too enthused, but your dad really liked the idea. Personal Stuff: I've been getting political lately, The Crusade is still going strong, and I've also been writing Letters to the Editor. I was really happy recently because my great Aunt Marge saw a letter I wrote about abortion and sent me a card saying how she agreed with me. It was one of those bridging-the-generations kind of moments, I always assumed my relatives were Republicans. Speech Team: David Foster is going to State this weekend for Prose Reading, isn't that amazing? He'd be going in Oratory, too, if he hadn't gotten disqualified. We can't wait to have you back, you'll probably hate Mr. Allen (basically all of us do), but we need your talent, plus we figure you can get Maria to come back. Hope you have a great Valentine's Day, I'll write more later, but I'm waiting for Logan to show up. I haven't seen him yet today, and I have all kinds of presents and affection to shower upon him. I love Valentine's Day, it's a good excuse to be a romantic. Love You, Kellie "Whatever You Do In Your Life, Do It With Love." -Gray Matter
Friday, February 09, 2001 @ 9:35 AM
Well, Tomokofest went relatively well, and though we didn't make as much money as last year, we appereared more organized and the show seemed better and more professional. My monologue went pretty well. People laughed. Then at Steak & Shake, Josh talked me into performing my DI, and that was kinda strange. It was the last time I'll ever do that piece. At least for the season. I have voice lessons today, and then hopefully Logan and I will go and hang out tonight. Haven't got the presence of mind to give the whole Dad Thing any more thought. When I read his message (below) I thought about what he said about being proud of me. Being proud of me for being on speech team was the really ironic part, because it was after the first speech meet of the year that he tore me all up about being selfish and unorganized... All because I crashed his plans. It certainly wasn't my idea. I only ended up making him like ten minutes late anyway. I don't know what the big deal was. He didn't have to react the way that he did. He does that so often though, he just takes the little things that go wrong and turns them into traumatic events for me. I mean, shit happens, the test is in how you deal with it. You don't deal with problems by hurting the people that you are supposed to care about. My dad does. He has a history of yelling until I'm in tears, and even then not stopping. He scares me. He's scared me since I was a child. But I'm not a child anymore, and I don't have to take that from him anymore. And I won't.
Thursday, February 08, 2001 @ 7:46 AM
Today my dad sent me this message: Kellie, I saw a rabit at ISU Tonight. It reminded me of when you brought home the baby bunny from Metcalf and were so afraid that mom and me would be mad. Then I told you the story of how me and uncle Bill had raised two little ones by giving them milk through an eye dropper til they were eating solid food. That rabit was sure lucky. You definitely saved it from starving and then the vet fixed his foot instead of putting it to sleep. Bionic Bunny.... I saw you got pretty good grades last term. I was proud of you. Then Will told me you are doing speech. I was proud of you again! I miss you Frank I don't know how exactly to deal with this right now. I haven't spoken to my dad for more than three months. He's forgotten why I'm mad, but I haven't. It was the first speech meet of the year, the ISU meet, and I couldn't get ahold of my mom to come pick me up once it was over. It was late and I was scared. Logan was with me but Mr. Allen wouldn't let me stay at Bone Student Center, even though I protested it would be fine. Finally I let him drive me to my dad's. When I got there, he threw a fit because I was ruining his plans. He proceeded to yell at me until I broke down and cried, and Logan was left feeling helpless. Finally I reached my mom, and I haven't spoken to him since. He didn't see me in Electra, he didn't see me for Christmas. But the yelling and the fighting and the crying is a common thing with my dad. When he made me lose it in front of the person I care about most in the world, when he caused Logan the pain he usually reserves for me, he stopped being my father once and for all. That's how I feel about it, and even though... Well, I feel bad about this. I feel bad about being estranged from my father. But even when we were speaking, we were still estranged, because he is not a person as often as he is a fire-breathing monster. Tomokofest is tonight. I can't deal with this right now.
Wednesday, February 07, 2001 @ 3:15 PM
Busy with many projects. This library keyboard's space bar keeps sticking. This is not a haiku. I love you all. But hate this keyboard. Message from Rob, upon the death of his cat. *Sigh...* Sharp claws, like pinpricks. Fur of all and no color. Unequaled huntress. Kizzy took nothing from nobody if she wasnt in the mood. But she wasn't mean about it. In fact, she was always very nice. Until you pissed her off. Then, a swat with her razor-like claws, and you were left in a cloud of orange-ish/pink-ish/colorless fur. When you were nice to her, though, she reciprocated. She would pur and mew and beg to have her head kissed. She loved having her head kissed. And her stomach rubbed. Some of the strangest behavior I've ever seen in a cat. If you could put up with her constant coming and going, and with her bottomless stomach, she was a good cat with whom to live. I'd spend the rest of my life feeding her just to touch her fur once more. Tears blur the keyboard as a write this. I apologize to you all for this long, incomprehensible mail, but I feel like I should do something. It isn't feasible, but fasting for a week or two would probably make me feel better. Unfortunately, this mail and my thoughts are all I have. Please bear with me. And please don't burden yourself with feeling bad for me. I'll get over it. I just need my time to mourn her. I thank you in advance for your sympathy. Mournfully, Rob
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