The Piaggi Suite
By Diane Grant

"The Piaggi Suite" is a romantic comedy in which a monstrously self-absorbed and powerful diva visits a legendary New England musicians' retreat that has seen better days. Dangling the prospects of celebrity and success, she manipulates the collection of resident musicians as they struggle with the conflicts between career and love, the dangers of ambition, the perils of success, the pain of loss, and the glory of music. In this scene, Darlene, a seventeen year old composer, meets her hero, rock star Ziggy Martiin.

DARLENE

Ziggy Martin. Is it you? Is it really? I saw you with Dave Matthews. In Syracuse. It was the most beautiful night of my entire life. Did you really sit in with Sting?

I was at the Black Hole when you were there. I'm mad about the Hole. It's the best club ever. I had this song I wrote for you but they wouldn't let me go backstage. In November, two years ago. I was sitting right in front, surrounded by an entourage of coffee cups. I'd had eight cups of coffee and I was high.

I don't drink alcohol anymore. I had this boyfriend, Gary, he's twenty one, and he does catering and we used to finish off the booze at the end of parties. One night, we finished off four or five Daiquiris and then we found a bottle with some gin in it. There were some Zimas but we didn't touch them. Gary said we should avoid the Zimas. I was so sick, I kept throwing up and the next morning, all I could eat was a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

He's not my boyfriend, anymore. He went out with my friend Gloria and then he dumped her, too.

Gary's a drummer, he just does catering for the money when he doesn't have a gig. He drums like God but he's kind of stunned and I'm glad we broke up because I think you're the most exciting and most creative man I've ever met.

I know you're into alternative pop-rock so the song I wrote for you is really retro. Do you want to hear it? Really? Really?

(raps)
Listen to my history rant.
Gonna tell you about Adam Ant
Bad Religion, Alice in Chains
Beck and Bjork and The Leaving Trains
Beastie Boys and Dead Kennedys
Talking Heads and Screaming Trees
Germ, Fear, Violent Femmes
Sisters of Mercy and R.E.M.
Devo and Rage Against the Machine
Pearl Jam, Garbage, Hole and Ween
Echo and The Bunnymen, Ministry
Flaming Lips and Fugazi
Pixies, Primus, Pere Ubu
(slowing down)
Jane's Addiction,
(slower)
X
(slows to stop)
U2.

Do you like it? Really? Really? (smothers a scream) This is the most beautiful day of my entire life.

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The Piaggi Suite is a full-length comedy. It received a workshop production at Theatre Palisades in California in 2001. It was produced as a staged reading at the Long Beach Playhouse in 2006 after winning a Best Works of 2006 award. It also received an Honorable Mention in the McLaren Memorial Play Competition in Midland, Texas 2002.

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